Saying No : Swingers Discussion 200749

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TOPIC: Saying No

Created by: Soul_Mates_42 Original Starting post for this thread:
I have a question as to how people typically handle this. I know the rule "no means no" is pretty well known and accepted. What I was wondering is how you handle situations where you have made contact with someone or met one half of a couple and there is interest only to meet the other half and suddenly think....ummm no! Not gonna happen! Or what about those situations where you or your partner is all into it and thinks everything is a go only to have one of you to say no. How do you tell the other couple and how do you explain the sudden change if heart. We are very new to this and are soooo concerned about hurting people's feelings. I find it hard to believe that people in the swinging community just "take one for the team" on a regular basis. I just want to make sure we are following proper etiquette so we can hopefully avoid those hurt feelings. Thanks in advance for your help!

Created by: Soul_Mates_42
Original Starting post for this thread:

I have a question as to how people typically handle this. I know the rule "no means no" is pretty well known and accepted. What I was wondering is how you handle situations where you have made contact with someone or met one half of a couple and there is interest only to meet the other half and suddenly think....ummm no! Not gonna happen! Or what about those situations where you or your partner is all into it and thinks everything is a go only to have one of you to say no. How do you tell the other couple and how do you explain the sudden change if heart. We are very new to this and are soooo concerned about hurting people's feelings. I find it hard to believe that people in the swinging community just "take one for the team" on a regular basis. I just want to make sure we are following proper etiquette so we can hopefully avoid those hurt feelings. Thanks in advance for your help!

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User Details are only visible to members.	As far as the unbalanced attraction between the two of us is handled fairly easily. I say you do this for me and you sleep in as long as you want without the kids! Works like a charm! Lol In the real world if we don't all agree then we just say nice meeting you, thanks for showing up.
Beaverton OR			Username hidden (62 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Sweet, I wrote a whole post in the other thread before I realized it didnt belong there. No more 6 hours drives for you! lol :) I was just going to say, I guess your phonecalls are long enough to make most of your decision. I was thinking the phonecall was just to verify they were real. Like SS just said, if all the dealbreakers were already discussed before meeting, I guess I understand making the decision in 10 minutes. Personally, we like more time ...to see if they are really like, what we were attracted to in their profile and if we get a good feeling from them in person. It would take us more than 10 minutes. I do agree that I can probably know If I 'don't' like them in 10 minutes. though. ...and to the OP... it's not a race, take the time you need and don't say yes until you are excited about it. ... and start practicing how to say 'No, not tonite' with a smile. (not with your husband tho! ... lol ...just in the mirror or something.) :)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2999 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Sweet we do the same thing. We always cover what we consider to be "the deal breakers". If we are good on those, we can spend a little time chatting by phone to get a feel for personality. If everyone is still interested, we'll plan to meet. As long as everyone has been honest with their pics, we're already fairly certain we are a good match before we even meet. Obviously, nothing is set until we actually see how we all interact with each other, but this method has led to a very high success rate for us when meeting couple to couple.
Port Canaveral FL			Username hidden (3472 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Kind. Think about, we only meet people who's profile indicate if they are into the same things we are, there has already been a phone conversation to make sure all 4 of us are on the same page.So 3 seconds to determine if there is a attraction. ( if their pics are accurate) Then about 10 more minutes will tell you if they are friendly enough to invest the rest of the night in.Basically if they are all their profile says they are we are about 90% sure we want to play before we meet. We go through a great effort not to meet people who we have any doubts about playing with, Our free time is are most precious asset.
Dallas TX			Username hidden (2225 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	" If you know with the first 10 minutes (thats about how log it takes us to tell)Let us know so we can find something else to do. " ----- Sweet, just curious... it only takes you 10 minutes for you to know if you' want' to play with them, or 10 minutes you know you 'dont' want to play with them? ...and they should know in 10 minutes too? Welcome to the forums Soul_Mates! :) You will learn how to do things every time you meet people. Everyone and every situation is so different. I think being open and honest is the best, even if it's hard sometimes. Most swingers can take it, they've certainly been in the same position before. Just don't ever do anything you dont want to do because you are afraid to be hurtful. Honest doesnt have to be mean. I don't like to say no to my husband if he's all revved up and ready to go either, but it's never good to take one for the team.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2999 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We try and eliminate the chances of that happening by by being very selective about who we meet, sometimes overly selective. If for some reason we meet a couple who we decide we don't want to play with we walk,And have no qualms about it ( it's been done to us) What I hate more than anything is when a couple will hem-haw around half the night to tell you their not interested. If you know with the first 10 minutes (thats about how log it takes us to tell)Let us know so we can find something else to do.
Dallas TX			Username hidden (2225 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Welcome to the forums soul mates. It's not always easy, but k and I have little clues we communicate to each other when one of us determines there is a problem. If you've gotten ahead of yourself, you can always back up and let the couple know you'd like a little time to talk and get back with them about a second meet. No mater how you go about it, there's going to be a risk of offending the other couple as they may see through your plan, but if they get rude or ugly about it, consider yourselves lucky to have seen that side of them, before you played with them. Of course, you can always get that surprise text that requires you both to step outside and make a phone call. And this always works better if the other couple can't actually see you make that mad dash for the car. LOL P.S. We're actually Brevard County neighbors. ;-)
Port Canaveral FL			Username hidden (3472 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I have a question as to how people typically handle this. I know the rule "no means no" is pretty well known and accepted. What I was wondering is how you handle situations where you have made contact with someone or met one half of a couple and there is interest only to meet the other half and suddenly think....ummm no! Not gonna happen! Or what about those situations where you or your partner is all into it and thinks everything is a go only to have one of you to say no. How do you tell the other couple and how do you explain the sudden change if heart. We are very new to this and are soooo concerned about hurting people's feelings. I find it hard to believe that people in the swinging community just "take one for the team" on a regular basis. I just want to make sure we are following proper etiquette so we can hopefully avoid those hurt feelings. Thanks in advance for your help!
Melbourne FL			Username hidden (20 post)

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TOPIC: Saying No