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TOPIC: Rules
Created by: Legs4miles
Original Starting post for this thread:
As we enter this lifestyle and are coming up with our own rule book, we're wondering what kind of rules other couples play by.

Thanks in advance for sharing.

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Welcome to the forums :)

The forums are great to get ideas .We have asked many questions ( still do) and received some valuable information. If you have any questions this is the place to ask. Everyone was a newbie at one time or another. Good Luck and have fun!

Augusta NJ
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Thank you for this post. We are newbies too, we joined the site and one reason or another things never worked out. Then we took a couple breaks in between. We are looking forward to that first experience. The ideas on rules are great. We have a few but some that I have seen posted here, I never thought of. Thank you so much everyone.

Manchester NH
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Interesting stuff by everyone, and what seems to be a theme is 'stay open minded' as you eveolve in the LS, communication with your partner is KEY (signals, phrases, exchanging poker chips surrepticiously as red means no, green means go), etc. A critical one for us has always been when with just one other couple, if not a 4way match, then nothing ever goes further (that's what houseparties are for!). A big discussion is always about condoms rules, too. You've GOT to be on the same page as your spouse, as there are ALWAYS hard/bad feelings if one partner is using and the other is not...esp in separate bedrooms. It needs to be a topic of conversation with another couple (or even single, at a house party) BEFORE bed-time. Comments?? PS We have been in the LS for 6 years.

Phoenix AZ
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what a great concept!

bdh, you are quite the multitasker...I've been told I'm mono-receptive, and like to focus on one thing at a time, BUT, I share your rambling posting nature.

Now, when I DO focus, I hone my expertise at...well...whatever I choose to focus on.

Yeah, this makes sense. G.

San Antonio TX
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Rdy: Time is flying by. Though I feel like my post fly off on so many tangents and have a hard time meandering back to the topic (here for example).

I'm working on that naughty list as hard as I possibly can. I do feel like I have always been of the swinging mindset, only now I can freely act upon it instead of just contemplating and analyzing all the what ifs'.

Re: Texas and PA being close. I'm certain there is a map showing that very thing, and I think its in the book America: A History Inaction (textbook parody from The Daily Show for those that are unfamiliar) in the chapter about the Electoral College The book is incredibly funny on its own but the way in which they are true to the school textbook parody makes it all the better. I tried to find the pic but my google-foo is is lacking since I'm doing this at work via phone.

I'll put finding the picture on my 'to do' list. Luckily for me, there a space for it right next to 'find some way to take Rdy out to dinner'.

-M

Colleyville TX
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We take the "no play on first date" one step further. We don't commit to a 2nd meeting on the first date. We tell them we will talk it over between us and get back to them. And we do. Simple reason for this -- we don't want to be passing secret signs or code words that the other couple is "hot or not." And we have no idea how they feel -- none of us are mind readers. That evening, or the next day we email them. (and sometimes they email first). We tell them how we feel: 1) "yep, we'd love to see you again. Let's plan a little more intimate get together!" Or 2) "We're sorry, but..." ---and add something respectful. You don't have to go into any long winded apology or explanation of why y'all dont want to go further. Some suggestions: "we seem to be going in different directions"; " we aren't sure quite where we want to go just now"; "we don't sense strong compatibility here"---- and then PERIOD. And be careful if they email back and want a more detailed explanation. You know what you want, and no further elaboration is necessary. A postscript -- you will probably meet with MANY more couples than you will wind up playing with....so stick with your standards, and be patient.

Charlotte NC
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Gina: the feeling is mutual.

Legs: In the spirit of jminyfl's rule I offer a counter rule of new couples from Houston come visit couples in DFW, and I dare say ours is better as its closer. In all seriousness though, if you two do find yourselves up this way, look us up. We're always up for meeting people just to talk about this kind of stuff as we're kind of new too.

If you're looking for 'mentors' theres quite a few good ones here on the forums, and at least two sexy couples and a sm who would qualify that live closer to you than us(hint: they live in a towns that rhymes with 'tan lothario'. )

-M

Colleyville TX
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Just to clarify, I wasn't advocating the breaking/bending/modifying/ignoring of rules. It was just a recent occurrence that was fresh in my mind in the vein of 'rules evolution'.

I do like to call them guidelines as we have alot of flexibility for on the spot decision making when it comes to certain aspects. Of course we do have two actual rules:

Have fun. ( pretty self explanatory. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong)

Always leave together. ( We've read a few stories about one member of a couple, in a desire to not cause drama, would leave and go somewhere to collect themselves, usually far enough away that a vehicle was used. I can understand the idea of needing a moment or some space but I really feel you should always be accessible to your SO in the event you are needed. Its become sort of a mantra on the drive to the club; 'My only expectation is to have fun, and to leave together.')

Only you know your relationship, so you are the only ones who can make your rules. With enough communication they can become guidelines but never assume you know what your SO is thinking.

As for borrowing others rules, the no anal thing is probably a pretty easy one to adopt.

My wife isn't a fan and I (mistakenly I hope) assumed that to be a common opinion amongst the female populace. As a result, its just something I don't ever consider as a potential activity with a play partner, but not everyone has that mindset. So instead of being unpleasantly surprised if some tries it let your playmate know in advance.

I want to keep adding to this wall of text, but my break is over.

-M

Colleyville TX
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"Legs", you guys have done a pretty job of thinking this thing thru. i would also encourage you not to OVER think it. we have worked hard over these three and a half years to tweek our profile to be "fast and effecient" so to speak.

in a perfect world, everyone who looks at your profile would move beyond the pics and actually READ it. instead, we live in THIS world, and to put it simply, it ain't happening. SO, we've tried to say what we absolutely need to say, and to say in as short a way as possible because unfortunately, the longer your profile is, the less likely people are to take the time to read it.

all that, **whew!** to say this. don't let your list of rules grow so long that people see your profile as a big list of all the things you don't do. the "deal breakers" should be listed in the profile, "preferences" (such as phone and texting rules) can always be discussed when you meet.

a rule of ours... and a pet peeve, is that we ALWAYS answer email and we do it in a timely manner. some here couldn't care less if you are offended when they ignore your email. it only takes a few seconds to respond even if only to say, "sorry, not feeling a connection here, but thank you for saying hi", but it goes a LONG way in determining the respect you get from those in your local lifestyle community.

good times!

Orlando FL
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Me and my gf would ask for another beer if we was interested, and the other would say they would to or say I had to much already which meant they was not interested,which works out pretty good. [but be fore you do any thing like that, come and see me let try every thing out before you do anything with a couple, I ll give you a good refeance,if you bride me,really I will..]..hehehe have a code and stick to it you can change your mind later,after you leave ,talk ,then you can go back and tell them you talk about it and decided to go ahead if they still want to.one says no don't.just say we have to go, say your by, you don't have to explain.but be nice

Kingston TN
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TOPIC: Rules