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Rudeness : Swingers Discussion 2013991041
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TOPIC: Rudeness
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i think that one big difference between working, long term marriages or ones in the past (non abusive, of course) is their ability to mesh different personalities. One great myth, that most believe about Jay and I since we have been married for 20 years, is that we are very similar. They think that we must be all up in each other's asses and about the same exact things, all of the time...since we have been married this long. That is a myth. The difference between a healthy, functional relationship and a dying, non functional relationship...in mho......is their ability to compromise, evolve together and embrace differences vs. demand same. 2 people are 2 people and will never be twins. But it is getting your uniqueness to work together, thats the key. To me.


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I have a much higher sex drive than my husband and like it... kinkier/rougher, than he does. One of the reasons we are in the lifestyle, and why we play solo. Oh, and J.... I guess I'm just one of those "picky" gals ;-)

Visalia CA
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G, as always, makes me think. I dont know though. The last thing I am is a hypocrite. Sex is incredibly important to my well being, mentally more than physically. Because of my past and my personal demons, if I am not fucked often I really get screwed up. When we were initially in swinging and my confidence was hit so hard it was awful for me. Awful. I dunno. I could sit here and say that if Jay decided sex was out I would be the good wife. But I dunno. Sex is incredibly important to my psyche. Now, if it is due to a medical reason of course that would be taken into consideration I am not saying I would just be like fuck you, its been good...never. But if he did like my aunt and said you know what? i no longer want sex..and neither do you.......yeah, id have a problem with that.


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haha. how could you possibly keep those panites on G ? he's quite the wordsmith. :)

Orlando FL
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"female whose body needs work and whose looks are a little substandard or whatever" I know you meant well, but that could have been worded better.

Visalia CA
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I never, EVER e-mail an individual/couple that radiates arrogance and entitlement on her/their profile. Any shit like "I'm picky because I can be", an unrealistic criteria list of 10 or more components, etc, etc and I'm not going there. Personally I like my looks but on such profiles no matter how hot I may be, they've already basically advertised no-one is going to meet their impossible qualifications/criteria and that if you are so fucking lucky, you'd better grovel, be grateful and do everything on their terms. I would MUCH rather hook up with a female whose body needs work and whose looks are a little substandard or whatever but who is fun and friendly than a conceited hot bitch who makes me feel she's doing me a favor any day and/or carries herself like an ice queen.

Saint Clair Shores MI
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If anything at all, you certainly have brought up a lot of thought-provoking questions and thorough discussion. Thanks for that. It's hard to really say what any of us what do. We like to all think we're above cheating, etc.

For me, if I knew my husband could not have sex anymore (whether by his choice, a medical condition, an injury, etc.), I would certainly still stay with him. For us, and for a lot of people, sexuality is mostly brain-oriented. The physical follows. Well, ok, sometimes it's just plain old raw fucking too...

I know my husband very well. And if he couldn't have sex, he would certainly love me enough to provide for my needs, whether it was alternative ways to achieve orgasm (this often comes up, pardon the pun, in ED threads on here) for me through toys, hands, mouth, etc., or he would be one who would encourage me to seek sexual satisfaction elsewhere. BUT, and this is the thing, there would be open communication and honesty about it, or it would not work well for us at all. Either of us. The deception part is the part that will hurt the most. That's why what you are doing cannot be called "swinging."

Someone else said it, swinging is mutual (whether both are participating actively or not, the involvement is a mutuality). It includes togetherness, honesty and encouragement.

Yes, sex drives differ and change and evolve, and are restrained sometimes. In a mature, responsible relationship, you work with that. You talk about it. You give understanding. We have had a weird couple of years where loved ones and family members have died, a lot of mourning, a lot of undue expense and stress and "dealing." Our heads were just not there regarding sex often. We drew close with minds and hearts, but drew a bit apart in body. We talked about it. Hard for Mr. to do, as he wasn't used to sharing "feelings." Oh god, that dreaded word. What happened is that we had one of the most cleansing and close talks of our 8 year marriage. Both of us lost our moms within a year, as well as good friends, and there were just a lot of outside changes in our lives. Why did we pull away a bit? Self-protection. The pain of losing someone you love was so intense that to embrace each other brought up the fear of someday (any day, who knows when really?) having to go through losing each other. It was a bit too much to comtemplate while dealing with tangible loss.

So, talking, honesty, openly helped us realize the whys. And that, in turn, led us back to each others arms...and other regions. "We got our mojo back." And there were delightful experiences that helped us realize just what we have with each other, sexually, and in many other areas. Mostly, it was spending time alone together, and then it was also spending "couple time" with other couples. Very cool.

Most of us can only offer our own experiences for you to read and ponder, or not. None of us lives anyone else's life on here. We can't really "advise." We can only share opinions, experiences, thoughts...and then you can take it all, or not, and make the decisions that work best for you and your partner.

Good luck. Gina

San Antonio TX
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i'm not saying that this is the case with you JOEY, but your story reminds me of an email we got recently. "after all, it's all about the girls, right"

wrong. i was tempted to write back and explain that maybe in your lifestyle relationship only one of you is considered where the activities, fun and needs are concerned. i'm happy to be married to someone who feels our lifestyle experience is "all about us".

Orlando FL
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it is a very interesting subject. My personal view on it is...people change. It is a fact. I married at 18 and nothing of that girl is left. You either accept change and evolution in each other...or you will grow apart and become strangers. Every couple has to decide what is and is not acceptable to them.


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I agree with you.

While im writing pretty animated, this isnt something that overpowers our relationship or causes real problems between us.

Its something that I find frustrating though, and fortunately we have no "other" problems and things are great with us as a couple. We dont argue, we dont fight, nothing. Ive never even raised my voice at my wife the whole time we've been together.

But I can see lack of sex being a real issue if you add that on other marital problems. And I can see people using outside sex as a vent and an escape where they may not be in a position or a desire to terminate a marriage, it takes some of the pressure off.

Not saying its right. But I try to think of things from all angles. And I can understand it. Not agree. But understand.

Mount Juliet TN
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TOPIC: Rudeness