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Relaxing your requirements : Swingers Discussion 2075671041
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TOPIC: Relaxing your requirements
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Not sure about requirements: in a check box sense where someone must meet each of them. But we both have preferences; K also prefers men 5' 10" + because she is tall herself. We try not to focus on looking for particular traits, but for sexual attraction. HWP is not a requirement, but we haven't found anyone not HWP that we found the sexual attraction we want. Perhaps its just semantics, but I'd like to think we are going in with an open mind looking for people that we share an attraction. Making a check list with a lot of specificity seems like it would limit your possibilities for fun.

Oklahoma City OK
 
 
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Question... Does everyone do a little mental give-n-take when meeting other people? Or are most people on here super-stringent on their "requirements"?"

For me absolutely yes and always yes, yes and yes. I always do this however, whether it is in business, personal, swinging, etc. I am one that is meticulously an attention to detail person, and the presentation we give is what others see and well, judge. We can like it or not, but people make judgements on everything and other people are no different. I am super stringent, yes. I want a good looking man that catches my eye, stimulates my brain and keeps my attention...and laughter really works well. I am not a free prostitute...so for me, if I fuck someone I have no interest in...why am I fucking him in the first place?

San Marcos TX
 
 
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@Mrs sav - No worries! I didn't think your comment was directed to me, but more as an observance and comment for everyone to think about. And I appreciate your hints and tips.

I'm learning that while I usually have a "go to" type of guy I like and that I am instantly attracted to, I am starting to be able to appreciate all kinds of men. I do have some deal-breakers, but the main thing....they have to have some *swag*. :)

Lahaina HI
 
 
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Wanna, I sincerely didn't mean ya'll had that issue as a matter of fact I don't think so. I do apologize if you felt I was specifically referencing you . I was making a general comment regarding relaxing ones "ideal: Relax your "requirements" , never; relax ones mindset about preferences ,maybe. I require clean, confident, charming, funny and the ability to converse on a wide variety of topics. I "prefer" the boy next store look, clean cut and well dressed not too pretty or preppy , definitely not "rough" or thug looking , biker vests and blue jeans just don't do it for me but there is a whole spectrum of men I find attractive who are somewhere in the middle.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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@Mrs Sav - Very interesting observance. Not sure that's entirely true in *our* situation, but I shall certainly keep that in the back of my mind.

For us...we're still really new to this. We both enjoy it tremendously. Most of the couples we have met up with have been really nice. We've only played with a few of them and for the most part, had a blast! This last encounter didn't go as planned, so it made us stop and think and reconfirm what it is we are looking for.

Hubby and I both tend to overthink things, especially hubby, but he's like that in everyday life, too. I tease him that he's always thinking 6 steps ahead of everyone else in the room. LOL

Lahaina HI
 
 
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@kind - Yes, basically. We had seen pix, but until we saw the couple in person, we didn't realize how old the pix actually were. And we were too shy to end the meeting. Didn't want to hurt the other couple's feelings.

And...in our emails and texting to said couple, the woman was VERY sexy. Sending hubby very fun, suggestive, racy texts extolling her sexual prowess and what she wanted to do to/with him. And then when the clothes came off and it was time for her to put her money where her mouth was, it was a total disappointment for hubby. She was NOTHING like she had presented herself to be.

Hubby and I learned a lot from our encounter with this couple. It's not that this couple did anything *wrong*. (Other than lie about their age, send us old pix and misrepresent themselves!!). We're disappointed in ourselves that we didn't put a stop to an encounter that wasn't exactly as we had thought it was going to be. We had opportunities to end it sooner, but we're new and shy and didn't want to hurt their feelings. Our bad. Newbie mistake. Onward and upward!

Lahaina HI
 
 
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Mrs. Sav is both smart, and hot.

Long Beach CA
 
 
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I think what one seeks in playmates and what one seeks in partners are to entirely different things. Once you understand that you're not looking for the love of your life, the man or women of your dreams , your soul mate , new best friend etc. it is much easier to to relax your idea of perfection . It is also easier to step outside of your "type" and find good qualities in others. I think many people over complicate the lifestyle by not being able to distinguish their ideal from reality, it is as though they set out to find fault with others. No one ever lives up to their expectations . They claim they want more play but I am doubtful , I think they use the excuse how "picky" they are to not face the truth , that for what ever reason actually "playing" isn't why they are here. Perhaps they enjoy parties, open minded friends , flirting but when it comes down to actually "swinging" they really have no genuine interest in that aspect of it. So they've convinced themselves that no one is really "good" enough for them. I don't think people should "settle" at all but I think people who don't play as often as they'd like really need to take a long hard look at their expectations of others and do some soul searching . The answer might just be you don't play much because you really don't want to. No judgements , just an observation.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
 
 
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@outdoors - Yes...that's the issue. The last couple we met was fun, but it ended up Mr Wanna was not at all excited by the other woman when everyone's clothes came off. She tried her best, but when all 4 of us were doing some same-bed action, the differences between me and her were apparent and it went downhill from there.

So....we are taking this as a learning experience of what *not* to do, putting it behind us and moving forward. We just need to learn how to politely bow out of a situation if we aren't "feelin' it".

Lahaina HI
 
 
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" But if Mr Wanna is not totally turned-on by the woman of the other couple....it ain't gonna happen folks! " WT, what you may have is a sort of catch-22. If a woman doesn't look at least as good as you look, or offer something else extraordinary, then why should he (or junior) bother?

We have a similar situation here. The missus always is the best looking woman in the room, so she's the one I (and junior) want.

Flat Rock NC
 
 
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TOPIC: Relaxing your requirements