Old friends, new benefits: Swingers Discussion 120214

165
Old friends, new benefits: Swingers Discussion 120214

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TOPIC: Old friends, new benefits

Created by: wejuststarted	The original post for this thread was deleted.

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User Details are only visible to members.	The problem is that too many non-swinging people equate sex and love. "I had sex with him/her and enjoyed it, so that means that I must be falling in love with them." Anyone who has been swinging very long has gotten past that. If you find that your best bud has been swinging for years, then the chances of a good experience are much better than if they've never had any experience at all with swinging. Whichever, it will change things. Let's say that you open the subject of swinging with another cpl and they decline. Their reactions could range anywhere from "thanks, but no thanks" to "OMG, we're never going to have anything to do with Them again!" and even outing you to others. It's really a very touchy (bad pun) subject best approached with fear and trembling for the opportunities for total disaster. If they did accept, and they're totally new to swinging, there's still the attendant drama that most new people experience at first and how it affects your friendships (and relationships). I'd have to say that while introducing old friends to swinging can add to your relationship with them, the likelyhood is that it'll probably have a negative impact on your relationship with them. JnD
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (627 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Reminds me of wife's first playmate being a "buddy" of ours. He "fell inlove with her" which was really just the sex but it was awkward.
Kokomo IN			Username hidden (132 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We too tried to convert a friend couple. He was the best man in my wedding and it was after my wife and I had gotten married. We saw a profile on and the woman in it (face hidden) looked like his wife. The furniture, carpeting, paintings hung on the wall and more looked exactly like their place. So we thought it was them. Unfortunately it wasn't but he wasn't offended. Actually he was all in but after approaching his bride-to-be in general terms about swinging he decided it wouldn't work out. The interesting thing is that one of our other couple friends- friends to whom we had not said a word- were suddenly very interested in hanging out with us more. So was one of our single-guy friends also friends with them. The on-the-down-low communication network must have been working well. The single guy is way too skinny for my Mrs. and the other couple lives too far away.. for now ;-) Although we didn't hook up we are all still great friends- even ended up in the original guy's wedding as an usher after they knew. The one thing we learned more than anything is that people do talk. So we live in two worlds.. happily ;-)
Bensalem PA			Username hidden (777 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	That is how we kinda sorta got started into swinging. I was chatty with an attractive co worker. We both loved to go out and dance. So she and her husband and I all went for a night. After some innocent flirting and alcohol the talk turned to sex on the car ride home between us all. The other husband said something about--ever think of having sex with other ppl. We had, but we never said that outloud to other ppl before. When my husband I were alone I said, "we are gonna have sex with those ppl aren't we". We did a soft swap at a later time with them. The experience needless to say left us on a 4 year break til we really found out that not all ppl are as jealous, insecure, or needy, lol. She and I are still coworkers and now are aquaintences. I miss the fun and chats we would have. But it doesn't go beyond family or work talk.
Williamsport PA			Username hidden (2057 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hahaha, thank you! Yeah you just have to be careful with vanillas. Remember that swingers, we are just different. We think of things on a more sexual level. For instance, you flirt with the other wife and its all cute...you kiss her and all hell may break loose. They are just different...and this is exactly why outside of co-workers we do not have any vanilla friends. Even topless, I'd just be careful. I know a girl who has done topless volleyball with her friends but went ballistic when her boyfriend took a shot off of a fully clothed waitress at a vanilla bar. So just be careful with it and do like you are doing. Even if you are in the hot tub and its hot and bothered and you all fuck and its great...the next day when the alcohol wears off and reality of what has happened sets in...sometimes it is awkward.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I agree. This past June we went out for drinks to celebrate my birthday with my co-worker and her husband. Because a friend of mine who is a single male here (his birthday is the day after mine) was possibly going to be there she told her husband about our being in the lifestyle, etc. I didn't want him to be wondering WTF if M and I hugged or kissed. Anyways. While we were leaving her husband, and they are VERY vanilla, kept making comments for us to go back to their house and "relax". To the point where it was uncomfortable. Even though we acted completely ignorant to what he was saying it ended up putting great strain on our friendship which has only been reconciled recently. Some women cannot handle the thought that their husband wants to fuck another woman, specifically a friend of hers. So just tread quite lightly. You may tell them and instead of excitement get blank stares of confusion, shock and quite frankly, repulsion.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I wouldn't introduce the subject...I'd let THEM introduce it if they're so inclined. This happened to us with close friends. We'd always been flirty and sexy, but nothing ever really came to pass...we'd maybe have a bit of innuendo going, that kind of thing. Then after a few get togethers where we carried on like that, as friends tend to do anyway, it just kind of grew into more and more hands on stuff, just a hand on a clothed thigh, that kind of thing, extra hugging. So, we went to dinner one night and she (the other wife) was asking us more questions, then flirting more, said something about taking her clothes off, etc. They asked if we could stop at an adult toy/lingerie shop and so we did. She and I tried on lingerie, and she would come out and model it for Dan. He took me aside at one point and said, "Are they coming onto us?" We'd already had them in our fantasies, but never made a move towards that end at all, and never told them about our lifetsyle choices. We went back to our house, sang karaoke, flirted and talked more, and she took off some of her clothes, and then we all were just kissing and touching a bit on the couch together. BUT. It was THEIR call on this, we were never pushy, never aggressive or anything about it. Finally, after all that went on, Dan said, "Well, should we tell them about us?" and the husband already had it figured out because we were always going to a certain city for the night and he said there couldn't possibly be anything that interesting going on there. haha. She, the wife, had "no clue." So. I tell this to say that if things progress NATURALLY, then sure. It can work out very well. But let them lead that, not you. We are still very close friends, no matter what. We don't always "do" anything together sexually every time we're together(their preferences run differently than ours do) and they've made their own lifestyle friends now apart from us, which is cool, but they still feel most comfortable with us, and our friendship is even deeper and closer as a result. So, yes, it can work. We will always continue to have an intelligent, yet very flirty friendship with them. And enjoy the sexy benefits! Sometimes it's just a matter of having sex with our own spouses while we're all together, and sometimes we try out new toys or ideas with each other. So, it's comfortable. We've gone to the same parties now, been on the same beds, etc etc., in addition to our own softer (for them...we tone down our own preferences b/c we aren't about pushing boundaries) activities when we're all together. Gina and Dan
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I'd never attempt this again lol. I converted a male friend. He lived the lifestyle for a little bit but eventually found it really wasn't his style. We aren't friends anymore either. I completely believe people have to come into the lifestyle on their own for their own reasons.
St George UT			Username hidden (2113 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	tread softly
Howell MI			Username hidden (1615 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Quite honestly, tread VERY VERY VERY carefully. There is a saying here and it goes like this: "You can make friends from swingers but you can't make swingers from friends." I would really be careful. Fucking existing friends is like swinging with extended family, IMO its bad mojo....kind of like church and state, they should be kept separate from each other. It sounds like the perfect scenario...but then you have sex, something happens, someone gets feelings hurt...and the friendship is sacrificed. Or it feels awkward. I don't know. I know that there are some swingers who have successfully done this. But there are many more who tried and lost friends in the process. I'm not saying NOT to do it. Just tread very lightly in doing so.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23612 post)

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TOPIC: Old friends, new benefits