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Newbies first party : Swingers Discussion 39754
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TOPIC: Newbies first party
Created by: DANANDFDN
Original Starting post for this thread:
My husband and I are going to be attending our first party and with this first party will be our first time swinging. We are both very excited and nervous about this. We are very committed to each other and our sex life is not lacking. This is just a way to "kick it up a notch" so to speak. I guess, I would like to hear about other couples first experiences swinging and what their first parties were like.

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The couple that my husband and I had our first experience with explained "parties" this way to us: a party is nothing more than an on-site Meet and Greet. You are not expected to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. You do not have to seperate unless you want to, you do not have to participate if you do not want to. If (for your first time) only want to be with your husband/significant other that is fine too. I hope this helps!

Elmer NJ
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Congratulations, Fran and Dave. I'm so glad your first experience was with a patient, understanding couple and that you not only had fun but discovered for yourselves how swinging really can and usually does make a strong relationship even stronger.

We're happy for you! Welcome to swinging!

Jim & Paula

South Riding VA
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Well, hello everyone: I wanted to let you know that Dave and I had our first experience this past weekend (no, not at the party), but with a very nice couple. They were very sweet and very patient. We (mostly me) was very nervous, but this nice couple put us at ease and moved no faster than the slowest person (me). I do want to thank you for all your input and suggestiions, very helpful. I do want to admit this experience was nothing like I thought it was going to be. I thought I was going to feel pressure, jealousy, resentment, ect... BUT I did not. I really believe that I learned alot about my husband and our relationship. I learned that we have a much more stronger relationship, than I ever imagined and found a deeper love for one another if that is at all possible. It is true, what I read about this lifestyle with married couples, it does make a relationship stronger. We look forward to more experiences and making some great friends. Thank you, again, for your input and support. Fran and Dave

Elmer NJ
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Sexy, you are most welcome. We very much enjoy sharing our experience with those less-experienced than we are. We went through all the same nervousness, anxiety, and sometimes near-panic that you do or will from time to time, and it makes us feel good to be able to help others negotiate their way through the mine fields! LOL

Jim & Paula

South Riding VA
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Wow--Dave and Fran--our hats off to you (and pants too!) for a house party for your first swinging experience.....brave. We have not ventured that route yet. But thinking how much fun it will be when we do :)

Jim and Paula--as always solid and useful advise. We enjoy your guidance and experience in the forums. Taking notes for house party invite possibilities.... Thank you

Austin PA
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Thank you so much for your advice and input, it is greatly appreciated. I will keep you all posted on how our first party and experience goes.

Dave and Fran

Elmer NJ
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Our "first time" was at a swing club, DJs Island. We were both nervous and excited, of course, but everyone was so nice that we settled down quite quickly. However, we were astounded that no one made a suggestion or advance - we were ready. We wound up having great sex, but only with ourselves.

What we missed, of course, and have learned since, is that friendship is just as important as sex appeal!

Shadyside PA
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Wow, Dandfdn, you are brave souls! We had been swinging for 6 months about once every few weeks with the same couple (our first couple) before we attended our first swing party at their home. It was a Halloween Costume party, and we were scared to death!

Just a couple of words of advice.

1) Discuss thoroughly with each other what "rules," if any, you will follow so that you will both be comfortable, and then NEVER violate the rules or attempt to change them "in the heat of the action." Agree ahead of time what you will or won't do and stick to it! If the rules don't work or make things terribly awkward, wait until after you're home alone together again and discuss why the rules didn't work for you, and agree on adjusting the rules for the NEXT time you swing.

2) Don't expect to stay together all night long. At most swing parties, couples end up freelancing and playing with whomever strikes their fancy. You won't likely be in the same room Adhere to your agreed-upon limits anyway. Be sure to check in with each other often during the evening to reassure each other, but don't act like you're checking ON each other!

3) Both of you should be on the lookout for couples you may not get to spend time with at the party, but whom you would both enjoy getting to know later. Try to get at least their first names and an e-mail address before you or they leave the party so you can contact them to try to arrange a get-acquainted meeting over drinks or dinner sometime soon.

4) We actually have printed up some "business" cards using software purchased at Staples and the special business card paper for your printer, also available at Staples. We include a G-rated pic of both of our faces, our first names, and e-mail address. No home address or phone numbers. If we want them to have our phone number we will write it on the back.

5) Have with you a pen or pencil and something to write on to copy down names and e-mail addresses or phone numbers of people you want to contact later.

6) Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you do anything you don't want to do. A simple "no thank you" is answer enough if you are asked to play with someone you don't want to play with. Don't give any further explanations - they only cause hard feelings.

7) Remember that the chances are many of the guests will be as new to swinging as you are, or nearly so. We had assumed that everyone but us at our first party were seasoned, hard-core swingers. NOT!!!!!

8) Try to mingle and make conversation with people so you can get acquainted and discover what "chemistry" may exist with someone. Don't be afraid to approach someone and ask them to dance, or just sit or stand beside them and ask them about themselves - where they're from, how long they've been swinging, etc. Don't be afraid to let people know you are brand new and a little nervous and scared and not sure just what you will do or how far you will go at this, your first party.

9) Be aware that it's very common for men to have erection difficulties at a swing party, especially when they're new to parties or the man has never been with this woman before. Don't freak out if it happens. Just acknowledge that your (or his) nervousness is probably causing a problem and enjoy the many other ways to enjoy being intimate with someone.

10) Have fun!!!!

Best of luck, and please report back to this Forum how it went for you!

Jim & Paula

South Riding VA
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My husband and I are going to be attending our first party and with this first party will be our first time swinging. We are both very excited and nervous about this. We are very committed to each other and our sex life is not lacking. This is just a way to "kick it up a notch" so to speak. I guess, I would like to hear about other couples first experiences swinging and what their first parties were like.

Elmer NJ
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(3110 posts)
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TOPIC: Newbies first party