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New to this where to start : Swingers Discussion 200243
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TOPIC: New to this where to start
Created by: mibull The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Two very good replies so far. I'll try to add a few more things or highlight things they said.

Like Rdy said, it often takes time, possibly months, to get your first certification. I've found certifications are very important. Unfortunately, they are even more critical for guys our age. As a group, we have a well earned reputation for being no-shows and acting in an immature manner when we are receive invitations from other lifestylers. It's unfortunate that we are all lumped together, but I honestly can't blame the women and couples too much. Fortunately, there are many women and couples who know how to sift through the riff-raff to find the good young guys. Below I discuss one of the the main ways they do that. I highly recommend against meeting someone just for the sake of getting that first cert. You need to know what you are looking for and be smart in going about that pursuit.

Inlove is dead on about the confidence/arrogance point. You need to be sure of who you are and what you are interested in. If you want to be a "bull", you need to be confident, bordering on cocky. Expressing that attitude will turn a lot of people off, though. I try to maintain a balance between being confident and polite. That works for me because a) that's just who I am, b) I'm hoping to attract lifestylers interested in that type of play - nothing extreme or over the top, and c) I think the majority of the lifestyle population is looking for guys like that.

If you are invited to meet with someone, do everything you can to keep the appointment. As a single male, many couples are already considering you a possible no-show because they've been burned many times before. The worst thing you can do is not show up. Almost as bad, is giving them less than a day of notice if you can't make it. You need to understand many lifestylers have to free up an evening, find a sitter, get the kids out of the house, etc. just to have one evening of fun.

You will be very surprised how fast and wide word can travel within the swinger community. I know members tell others to avoid certain people after a bad experience or a no-show. On a positive note, members tell others "you should really contact so and so because we had an amazing time with him". That's how I got things rolling. One of the ladies I met put in a good word with a couple she had been with. They recommended me to another couple. Now, I meet with three couples and three women regularly. Even more interesting, I recently met with a woman and a couple during trips for work across the country, simply because of recommendations from my little network.

Take advantage of these forums. Granted, people are scattered across the country, but if you contribute and write polite, thoughtful, and fun posts, people will take notice. That goes back to my previous point. It's possible a couple in FL likes your post and shows it to a friend they know who lives 20 miles from you.

Try using the hotdate calendar - especially during the week if you are available. It's a quick, easy way to throw a lure out and see what's biting.

I hope this helps. Good luck in the search.

Fort Washington MD
 
 
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Mibull, Just so you don't go away bewildered (lol), keep in mind that many couples, like us, who do on occasion meet and play with SM, are turned OFF by males who come across too confident. It can read as arrogant. So maybe the lesson is to do what the advertising firms do, since really you are advertising to 'sell' a product - you. What I am referring to, is that they choose a demographic to whom they are speaking. If the folks you want to attract are folks who want a bull, then come across like the bull you had better be. If the folks you want to attract prefer an affable guy then focus your profile including your profile name on that. I suggest emailing before IM-ing with a friendly hello and maybe a face pic. We deride guys who send dick pics without invitation. Your age is a detriment to couples like us who prefer men in their 50's, but others' profiles typically state their age preferences. Good luck, and if you are really really REALLY lucky, you may wind up playing with someone as hot as Ready123.

Danville VT
 
 
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TOPIC: New to this where to start