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TOPIC: MWC but on my own - I don't want to live a celibate life for twenty years - is that cheating
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You know you're cheating, didn't need us to tell you.

Your situation won't improve until you are honest with your wife and tell her that "no sex" is just not an acceptable way to live, not for you. And if the situation doesn't change, you will seek out sex elsewhere and expect her to accept it. Or you'll get a divorce.

Offer to do whatever is needed to help her get past whatever her issues are. If it's the weight, assure her you want to play with her anyway and also help her by exercising with her and going on a diet with her. See a therapist if that seems useful.

If she was just never really that into sex and would rather not do it, then it might work to get permission to go elsewhere. Many swingers find that acceptable. However, it's my experience (in almost 20 years in the Lifestyle) that this is almost always a short-term arrangement that ultimately leads to a divorce. It could work for you long term if your needs are relatively modest and don't take you away that much, if you really want to be together in other ways.

Springfield VA
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Ah the depo. ive been on it and off it (very irresponsible of me) for about two years. Everytime i go get a new shot or a renew shot my sex drive plummets. I could dress up like a sexy chicken, go to the lake and get eaten out by 5 lesbians (a fantasy of mine) and it would just feel like a nice massage. Youre in a shitty situation but dont make it worse. Masturbation gross?? Id make your wife puke. It sounds like she still hasnt had her sexual awakening (not saying that i have) and you should see a sex therapist and maybe have her go on her own to work on her self-esteem. Was the sex ever any good? Has she ever had an orgasm? I think a sex therapist would be well worth the money.

Wheatland CA
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oh boy.You already know the answer to this question. Butlet us enlighten you.I'll first say swinging is open to anyone for any reason.Its not my bus to throw you under.I wil state my opinion though. in our eyes you are cheating if she knows nothing of what your doing. I do congradulate you for saying it straight in here what your doing. So many try to trick others.This does not mean that we think your on the up and up. If your havign sex even if married sex whatever that means one a month there is sex there you just need to find an avenue to make it fun exciting for her.Perhaps use the cheating mentality with her,take her out, hood of the car sex with her ,beach sex park sex etc.Use your mind to make it creative with her.How about sex in the kitchen,couch sex, outside etc all kinds of ways to make it creative again. Have you taken her to a toy store see what turns her on. Get her something ,then incorporate it in your own sex life with her.All else fails go see an expert for testing,mental help.. Having pms is no excuse.Believe me on that, wife is in her late 40's here.She has hot flashes.This does not stop her at all. Think of what is going to happen when you finally are caught. the kids,the marriage no trust.How will the enxt 20 years of living be without her or perhaps the kids.Is it worth it?

Sarasota FL
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If your wife knows what you are doing, and if she approves, there are swingers who would consider what you are trying to do here acceptable. What would be better would be to discuss your problems with you wife and go to a counselor together, and save your marriage if at all possible. This may be difficult, but it is what "for better and for worse" is all about. If you and she have a problem the best thing you can do is work as a team to fix things. If all else fails, it might be better to end a marriage in which you are truly unhappy.

Los Angeles CA
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Is she going through menopause? Yes, technically speaking if you were with your wife and your sleeping or playing or kissing other women or men without her knowledge, you would be cheating! You would be a cheater! My personal advice is run the good woman that's taking care of your house and kids a nice hot bubble bath, give her a nice massage and maybe a new toy, position or sexy get-up. Maybe she'd be interested in swinging with you. If its menopause it'll pass in a while and cheating could possibly ruin your marriage and the woman you love. If you cheat, yes, you are a sob and i hope no one helps you in your search of unfaithfulness. (NOTE: Girls, Id never sleep with your husband without your knowledge and i hope you hold the same respect for me and every other gal out there.

Wheatland CA
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(1123 posts)
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TOPIC: MWC but on my own - I don't want to live a celibate life for twenty years - is that cheating