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Life Style Curious : Swingers Discussion 34747101
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TOPIC: Life Style Curious
Created by: WanaPlay The original post for this thread was deleted.
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We have been in this 'lifestyle' for about 6-months with only a few experiences...learning as we go..had some good & bad experiences..not really bad...but 'different'. However, we still want to 'play' and enhance our own relationship & have found this to be a good venue to do that.

Milford NH
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interesting question.Can only give you our exepreince here.A little over 6 years ago we started in this adventure. The first year we did absoltuely nothing with other couples.Instead we chose to go to house parties, swing clubs both on and off premise,meet and greets party houses. What we found out together, we loved going t al of these events to do whatever wewanted with each other.Such as dancing,while being provocative with each other , touching each other where you can not touch each other in public pubs.We also were able to see the do's and don't ,actions and reactions of those that were in the lfiestyle. For us this way was GREAT, as we have a pretty good grasp on what we think its all about.We also knew exactly what we wanted to experience, what questions to ask each other before something came up that could be a potential problem to our own lives. We have come up with htis idea of what swinging is. There is no wrong way or right way to swing only the way that your most comfortable in what you do.We are tolerant and accepting of all forms of preferences, we also found out that most will pass on really great people as one or two things are not what they want , which to us is nuts.Specially as most will say friendships are the most important part of this but yet do entirely a different show on whoa nd what are friends. I know I went a little off key on this thread. The idea explain to her that its no pressure and go experiement with each other with onintentions of joining up with another couple. Enjoy the clubs, they way you an dress and act towards each other, how you can flirt with one another on a whole different level.With no trickery invovled, no sneaking around trying to play one in oprder to force the issue.Its always ebtter if BOTH of you are enjoying what your doing. What we have seen happen so much in the lifestyle specially while watching the first year . Those that are new, meaning less then 3 years that jump feet first with little thought and just go hog wild usually end up not lasting long together.Its really been sad to see so many who have allowed this to control their life rather then they controlling or seperating what they are doing.To see what looked like a strong relationship being tossed to the side. If you wish tot rick her you may end up on this side of the street . Best of luck to you and yours.Hope that everything works out for whats ebst for the both of you.

Sarasota FL
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I have to agree with Valovers. Do not start swinging until you have worked through your problems with your husband. Trust is the foundation of the swing lifestyle and it doesn't look like you have that right now. Build a strong foundation first then when you have that, you stand to be much more successful in the lifestyle.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Bloomingflower, our advice to you would be to reestablish the trust in your relationship with your husband before entering into swinging. From what we've seen and heard and read, swinging can make a STRONG marriage even stronger, but it can and often does destroy a weak marriage. Swinging won't save a troubled marriage, and won't solve any problems with trust.

We believe that TRUST is the one absolute requirement between husbands and wives who swing. It's the betrayal of the trust that is destructive to a relationship, not having sex with someone else.

You may be able to regain the trust in your marriage, but your chances of doing so are probably greater if you do that BEFORE trying swinging. Swinging at a time when your trust in your husband has been damaged is more likely to be destructive than helpful.

We wish you luck. If you can reestablish trust, then you may find swinging a rewarding experience.

South Riding VA
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And hopefully he will take it to heart. I am glad that you spoke up to give him another way to go about this. Since we have not had to deal with this and don't know anyone who has, I could not give him any other advice except not to go through with his idea.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Carrie, you're right, of course.

I guess I was more addressing the idea that so many people have suggested that the original poster just give up. Sure, he's going about it wrong. Just wanted to offer him another way to go.

Upland CA
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like2wish

The way you went about the situation is the correct way to go about it. However, this person is wanting to go behind her back and try to plan something she is going to be involved in. He also has a profile on here without her knowledge. This, to me, is not right. I would have some serious issues with my hubby if he did this. Serious enough to possible end a marriage.

One of my favorite sayings is "If you hang out in a barber shop long enough, you are going to get a haircut." He may not want to cheat on her but how long will he be able to hold back. He may never cheat on her but then again... Personally, I would not take that chance.

Carrie

Corpus Christi TX
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Wow, first post I agree a little more with the single guy than with all the couples.

I'm the "guy" in our couple. I began being interested in swapping about 8 years ago. She was horrified by the idea. But, we did talk about it. I never pressured her, or lied to her, and I never even considered "cheating" on her. I was just honest about my fantasies.

She agreed to do some very simple things over the first few years. Example, we might write an adult ad looking for the PERFECT circumstance - which, of course, never came. Or, she'd wear a mini-skirt rather than jeans when we went shopping. Everything moved really slow. Sometimes we went months without even talking about it.

Then, less than a year ago, she started to think seriously about it. Again, I didn't push her. We just talked more seriously about it. She had lots of "what if" questions that we discussed, and that made her feel more comfortable. We got to know a few people VERY well via email before we eventually met for some VERY soft playing. And damn! She started to LOVE it. At this point, she's probably more into it than me. And I love the effect it's had on her.

Now, several times a week, she tells me how wrong she'd been and how much she wishes we hadn't wasted so many years just talking about it. Hey, all I was was honest and respectful and really, REALLY patient. And, for us, it paid off (eight years later).

Upland CA
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Ok. I'm irritated now. If you are with someone who has said they are Not interested in swinging...nagging and twisting her arm or trying to trick her into swinging is Wrong. How would she feel if she found your profile here on SLS, saying you are willing to "see how things go" with other people, after she said she isnt ok with that? Depending on "how things go", you are venturing into Cheating-land..at this point.

The real question is, how important is your relationship to you? If this is really not something your wife wants, show the woman a bit of Respect. You were ok with her views on life enough to marry her. Unless exploring swinging is somehow more important than taking care of the woman you married, drop the idea.

If she were to be squeezed into a swinging situation (soft swap, full swap, whatever) ...and were to do it only because if great pressure and coaxing from you, she will regret it later, I promise you. Regret is a very strong feeling...just keep that in mind.

Harrisburg PA
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DON'T DO IT. as previously stated, almost no one can be dragged or talked into this lifestyle without a negative repercussion. if the idea doesn't appeal to her, you think that throwing it in her face will change her mind!?? if anything- i would be pissed that someone i trusted would try to trick me into doing what he wanted.

and pressuring her will make her feel like she isn't enough for you and will drive her away from the idea if nothing else. it's ok to discuss your fantasies- maybe start by asking HER what hers are, and talk about making each other's come true. but you have to accept her stance- this lifestyle AIN'T for everyone.

sorry man, but as george michael said in that song freedom... you can't- always get- what you want....

Sterling VA
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TOPIC: Life Style Curious