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Is there such a thing as too nice (Signal sending) : Swingers Discussion 2045021011
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedIs there such a thing as too nice (Signal sending)
TOPIC: Is there such a thing as too nice (Signal sending)
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Baaa.

Rdy, I may have asked you yet again in another post on here. I'm old. I repeat myself.

San Antonio TX
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what a great attitude. I will be sending people this way to read your post when they want advice on attending their first party. You def. have the right idea.

Rdy, are you in the UK for good, or vacation or what? Yes, I'm nosy.

San Antonio TX
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Great question and we're enjoying the thread. This is an issue we still sometimes struggle. We can enjoy Clubs and LS events and enjoy without any play at all and really enjoy meeting new people. Mostly they approach us as we can be wall flowers, but we still like to meet. The problem, as others have noted through the thread, is when you are nice that can be seen as sending a "go" signal. What usually happens is if we can't send "no play" signals that are properly received, then we end up walking away and coming across as snobby. We may have been really enjoying the conversation and other aspects. It's tough and we're still not great at sending "no play" when we're also trying to stay and talk and enjoy a couple on a non-play level. Hard to send two signals at once. Make sense?

Oklahoma City OK
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hey, neighbor!

How about this strategy: Just talk to people that you feel like talking to. Then if they misinterpret your motives or disregard your explicit feelings, you know something about them: They probably aren't your type.

Early communication problems are often indicative of how it would go later. And who knows? -- Someone you thought you wouldn't find interesting may turn out to be just that.

Flat Rock NC
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We have that happen at the clubs. We usually just pick a table and plant ourselves there and people come up and start chatting and we chat back.

Unfortunately I guess we're supposed to tell them to go away right away if we're not interested because after chatting for a little while and we say "well it was great to meet you" and get up and leave, they are usually pretty ticked.

Mount Juliet TN
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This happened to us last month at a Fetish event. We had a couple come up and start a conversation, and we were our usual charming selves. However, by the second hour as the female half repeatedly came up and set herself beside p, it became increasingly clear that she was gunning for some play.

Were this a swinger's event/club, we might have been more clear with them... but this wasn't and we were trying our best to keep up with the friends we came with. So, we stayed polite and friendly, but tried not to "lead on".

By the third time we had to leave her to "find our friends", I caught her actively rolling her eyes at us... though I think she had had a few drinks by that point. In retrospect, once we recognized her intentions, we could have saved her from what I assume she viewed as "wasted time". But then again, it was a Fetish ball, we were with friends, and we weren't there to pick up another couple.

New Market MD
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I like to talk to newbies, or people who seem a bit uncomfortable with maybe a party, etc., and just engage in a friendly chat, if open to that. BUT I agree that a lot of couples will take that to mean I want them to fuck me. If I see it gravitating to that, and I'm uninterested, or WE are uninterested, then I'll say something like, "we're not interested in playing, just wanted to say hi," or something that non comimital.

Sometimes they take offense, sometimes they get it. That part is not our problem.

I've been accused so many times of "being too nice." Well, I'm learning I don't have to let people walk on me to be "nice." I can be polite without being a doormat.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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No such thing as too nice. That being said... if you find yourself chatting with another couple that you are entirely uninterested in sexually, you should at least let them know how you feel.

Toledo OH
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It can indeed send the wrong signal unfortunately. Well...it has for us. I think its simply because I swingers see this as different. Some are there to fuck and not be friends. Some are there to be friends and not fuck, some both either and/or. I do not think you should ever not be nice out of fear of sending mixed signals though. Flirting is one thing...yes, you can send sexually mixed signals by flirting. Being friendly though? I do not think anyone should be cold so they do not send mixed signals.


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TOPIC: Is there such a thing as too nice (Signal sending)