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FORUMS General Discussions Getting Started Inviting Vanillia Friends to the Lifestyle
TOPIC: Inviting Vanillia Friends to the Lifestyle
Created by: ksbifem74
Original Starting post for this thread:
We took some friends who we think are on the stepping stone of coming into the lifestyle on vaction with us. They are like us very private in public due to jobs but we left them alone at the pool with some other unknown couples & sounds like there was alot of fun with some other couples up to that almost swap. My question is how do we invite them to this site to see if they join so we don't ruin our friendship or blow our cover? I guess kind of a chicken way of doing it but we would like to remain discreet. I was thinking I have a private email that I could send a link to this site to join or is there something that I can send from our profile? Thoughts?

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Something else came to mind that is on a tangent. Years after college, one of my best friends from those years came out of the closet to me, and further said that he had been attracted to me (Mr. J&G here, obviously). I was shocked mainly that I had never even suspected what was obvious apparently to everyone else. The rest didn't bother me one bit. I told him I couldn't possibly be more flattered though I simply wasn't inclined that way. It was the same reaction that I got from girls when I was younger who were not interested in dating me, and we remained close (even closer) friends. It's a similar difficulty to bring up the LS with your friends. I think it depends on how well you know and respect each other and how socially liberal they are. Personally, I would be uncomfortable plaing with friends from the other side of the curtain, but as I made advances on girls who were already my friends in my past (to variable success), your inclination to do so is very understandable.

San Diego CA
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Rent a copy of "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice" (It's so 60's that it's funny) and invite them over for some popcorn and old movies. If they have inclinations in the LS direction, the conversation will move in that direction. If they're turned off by the subject, it'll be obvious and you can let it drop.


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It's almost Valentine's Day.

Send the two of them a card telling them they have secret admirers.. ones they have met (but not who).. and give them the name of the site.

They'd be able to differentiate it from a marketing ploy if you were to also say that one of them likes (insert something here (like kung pao chicken, mustang cars, or something else not so guessable)).

It's just flirting.. and you never know. They might join.. they might chat you up about it saying, "You wouldn't guess what we got in the mail.." or they might start smiling at you two :)

We met a couple recently who take great pride and have fun flipping vanillas. From their happy / friendly personalities, we bet they are good at it.

As for us, we couldn't do it. Once people are in our "friend zone" that's where they stay.

Bensalem PA
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Sounds like you may want them in the LS (and they might very well be receptive) but do not want them to know unless they are into it. Most people probably would not appreciate a direct invite so much. If they are truly close friends, you might just have to consider blowing your cover, informing them of your LS thing (without soliciting their interest), or simply continuing as you have been. We are by no means veterans of the LS. However, we went through the considerably difficult initial discussion (one spouse to the other) to arrive here. Undountedly, many other couples do not come to a mutual agreement on the LS, but still had to do that. Even broaching the subject to the person you know best in this world can be quite difficult and uncertain. Other friends perhaps moreso on the uncertainty. Personally, we would not be comfortable running into in the LS, much less playing with, people we knew on the other side.

San Diego CA
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Ive noticed that single guys in the LS meet vanilla women and think they can make a LSer out of them..(NOT) to offen they freak out. They say they are interested but they only want the guy for there man so they say sure and think they can change him. WTF up with that. Some guys just can't see a single female in the LS as a partner. So don't rush you're vanilla friends, if they are interested they will find there way eventualy...

Panama City FL
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We're in the don't mix it crowd; for our efforts we got handed scriptures. In a million years we didn't see that coming. If they are interested they will find their way and you'll likely know if you are as good a friends as you seem to indicate. Need to know.

Oklahoma City OK
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Seen too much BS come from ppl wanting to bring in thier friends. Not worth it.

Spring TX
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We have been tempted to invite, too, but we haven't done it. We think you are a swinger or not. You cannot be recruited or turned. This may be a bad analogy, but I think of it as being gay. You either are or you are not. You cannot be turned or recruited to be gay ... just like you cannot be turned into a swinger. Now if you REALLY think your vanilla friend is a swinger, you can help them come out of the closet with you. There is risk, though, that they will be offended even if they do have those feelings. Similar to being gay. A gay man may be sure his buddy is gay, but trying to "recruit" him could cause offense and end the friendship. I say ... Let people find their own path and apply no pressure nor "groom".

Erie PA
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Vanilla friends are vanilla for a reason. Don't mix the two.

Toledo OH
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Yes we want them in the LS so our thoughts is if we send a invite & they join then we will know to procede if they don't join or bring it up we will not say anything. Yes we know mixing can be a slippery slop that is why we are so cautious of how to proced & was wondering af anyone else had tried something else that worked.

Topeka KS
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TOPIC: Inviting Vanillia Friends to the Lifestyle