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Introducing the idea to your spouse : Swingers Discussion 56584
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TOPIC: Introducing the idea to your spouse
Created by: CatandMe
Original Starting post for this thread:
I indicated spouse because it could go either way, even though the man may not need a lot of convincing. How do you bring up the idea of swinging to your spouse without them going bezerk? Having done it many years ago, with only one couple, I'm not sure if she is willing to try it again. I think the reason it happened then was because she had the hots for the other guy. Either way it doesn't matter, I would just like to get back into the "swing" of things again.
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I consider our evolution into this lifestyle fairly normal. She told me a few years ago that she could never share me. I said ok. Then a few months down the road she would ask me if I"d share her & I kept saying I don't know if I should answer that b/c you might not like the answer. Even tho I believe that gave her an indirect answer of "yes", she kept asking me. Finally one day I just said sure with the right guy. She said REALLY & I could tell there was surprise yet excitement in her voice. As I think is normal, we talked about it for about 6 months and had great fantasy sex during that time before we took the plunge. All of that building up was necessary & u don't want to miss

Kokomo IN
 
 
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Thanks for the reply. That sounds exactly like us, only I didn't have to sleep on the coach. But the other side of the bed was very, very cold.

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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"take" to start communicating... ( sorry for the sp)

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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redhot16, I know this question is a little late in coming from your post, but how did you and your wife start communicating again? What steps did you talk to start expressing your feeling and problems that caused the lack of communication to begin with?

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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I guess we were lucky - this is the second marriage for both of us and we each came into it after feeling very, very sexually frustrated in our first marriages. Pretty much since the very first weeks we incorporated fantasy and role play into our sex lives together. After several years of increasingly detailed fantasies (many incorporating our friends), it was a short step to actually deciding to try it. Hubby joined a different swinging site and the emails started coming in. We spent a few weeks getting used to the idea and deciding what we liked and then we met our first couple. I guess we got lucky because of the couples we've met so far we've had great experiences. We recently joined this site and within a week (last night) we met the first couple. We didn't swing (they're nervous newbies) but we did spend 90 minutes talking, laughing and getting to know them and had a great time. We're meeting them again next Friday night, hopefully to pick up where we left off. I think the secret is communication between partners, being open about each others' desires, and be accepting of each others' wants and needs.

Murfreesboro TN
 
 
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Great input guys. It's good to know that not everybody had it easy to get into the lifestyle. Keep the ideas coming.

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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TheRock, it took us four years to get to the point where we were ready. Take your time, and good luck.

Shadyside PA
 
 
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Give her time. Several years or more is a very common time requirement to get used to the idea. Obviously she is toying with the thought, and sometimes even tempted. Maybe there's a reason why so many couples don't start swinging until they pass the age of 40.

Anyway, don't pressure her. That will only cause her to resist. Just keep the idea floating in her mind from time to time. Perhaps you should watch a few XXX videos where women play with more than one guy, or maybe take her to an on-premises club just to "see how it works," with an understanding that there is no way either of you will do anything but observe the first time.

Be gentle. Maybe she'll come around, but if she doesn't, such is life for the vast majority of people for whom keeping things as a fantasy feels so much safer than trying to make them into reality.

Jim

South Riding VA
 
 
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Thjank you for your response. I know this will probably take some time and if it happens it happens. I have just been lost as to what the best direction is to help her feel better about herself and her needs. Again Thanks and keep the input coming.

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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Not saying this will happen overnight, We just stopped talking a few years ago (4 or 5),. She was in a couple of bad car accidents and it seemed to inhibit her sexual desires. She doesn't think there is anything wrong, but the intimacy isn't what it used to be. I'm hopping that when she cuts back on the medication she will be her old self, (a lot of mood swings right now). i guess I'm looking for some direction on how to approach her to see what it takes to get her back to being a little more intimate.

Arlington Hts IL
 
 
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TOPIC: Introducing the idea to your spouse