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How to keep from being discouraged : Swingers Discussion 2195541018
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedHow to keep from being discouraged
TOPIC: How to keep from being discouraged
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We approach it as kinddragon does. We don't have any expectations, unless there have been some REALLY good vibes on the phone or email. But we're good Boy Scouts and are always prepared;) If you approach a first meeting realistically, you'll be fine. Since there are four people involved instead of two, the "odds" of everyone being on the same page obviously increase....

Tempe AZ
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Be careful of meeting with the expectations of playing on the first time, I know a previous poster said to go expecting.. but read many profiles and you will see most say do not expect to play on the first meeting.

Events and clubs have been the way I have met the group of friends I have and they introduce others to the group and so you always meet new people.

Spring TX
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We are experiencing the same thing. We have only had one experience so far, and luckily it was a fantastic one. However, we receive numerous messages a day, my husband chats with one or both of the couple, but we end up getting the run around, or blown off. It's really frustrating. Why be here if you just want to string people along. Is that fun? I think it's sick.

Pittsburgh PA
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I (male half) sympathize with the OP. We've been in about a year and a half, and while we've had slightly better results, have had our share of frustrations as well. But I have to differ from losamante's opinion about certs. Frankly, they don't (in our experience) make any difference either way. Some couples, in fact, eschew certs, mostly on the premise that it's no one else's business who their partners were. We don't use those as any kind of guideline at all. We actually had one couple tell us that too many certs were a turnoff, i.e., that they were maybe a little too "hardcore".

But that said, the advice about blocking "free" members may be on point. Most of the flakes we've found here were free members. My thought is that if you're serious about meeting quality friends here, plunk down the cash and get the full benefit of the site (despite its sometimes abysmal administration). But the bottom line is that this is a crap shoot. If we meet a select few couples for friendship and occasional playtime, we consider it a success.

Tempe AZ
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There are lots of fakes and flakes out there that take great delight in stringing newbies along. We had our share when we were starting out. In the beginning it's best to block free members and avoid members that have been on over a year or two and still have no certs, or just M&G certs. Not that they're all bad people, just that many tend to be time wasters or scammers. For starters, search out the couples you see signed up for most of the parties and that have several good certs indicating that they actually play. When you set up a meeting, go into it with the intention of playing that night. Most people your age still have kids at home, so if you don't strike while the iron is hot you may not get another chance. Once you meet a few legitimate couples they'll introduce you to others, and before you know it you'll be in the "in" crowd. Whatever you do, never lower your standards.

Virginia Beach VA
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If I didnt have my group of friends to attend events, clubs, houseparties and hotel take overs I would have left the lifestyle a long long time ago.

Spring TX
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I totally see how it's easy to get discouraged with this lifestyle, however, the rewards are worth the work. Just like dating on the Vanilla scene, you don't find someone over night.

I really liked the advice to get involved with a group of people you can be friends with, and potentially play with later. We were introduced to a group our second time attending a L/s club, and while we weren't attracted to everyone, EVERYONE had fun because we were all hanging out and flirting.

We've seen it (and were that couple the first night!) where a couple walks in and just sits down and waits. What are you waiting for? Go ask someone to dance, strike up a conversation about her/his outfit, compliment someone's tits, whatever. It's tough, but remember, the worst you'll ever hear is "No thanks!" And while rejection is rough, there ARE plenty of fish in the sea!

Keep on truckin'! Your couple will come! ;)

Millington TN
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Ag14--

It can really depend on the area you are in, and what you are looking for. We have set up meets only to have to reschedule them 2-3 times due to our issues and or their issues--mostly unforeseeable or unfortunate (Babysitter canceling, periods, illness, yada, yada, yada...). Some won't put up with these kinds of things and others go with the flow. And even these tolerances can vary depending upon what is happening in life at that particular time.

Disappointment is inevitable, but your attitude and patience are both in your control. I am just another who will advise patience. If I had the answers, I'd be out fucking right now instead of perusing the forums! Lol

Brunnerville PA
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Seems like you're doing good. Afterall you do have two certs!

Beaufort SC
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In reading through some of the posts on here, I (the male half) have found that as a group, this place is one for good advice. You all may never hear a thank you from the people you help, but I am certain they are grateful.

Now onto us...I function as the de facto gatekeeper for us, and I am finding this incredibly trying. In almost a year of being in the lifestyle, we have only had a single positive experience. The few that we do connect with always seem to have schedule issues, and so we went against our better judgement and lowered the standards of what we were looking for. That was a huge mistake. One couple said all the right things but was really only looking for a unicorn, one couple stood us up completely (and with kids, jobs, and a regular life alot goes into getting ready to meet), we have had countless encounters with outright disrespectful people, are a bit intimidated by the cliques and groups at hotel parties (yet we still go about once every 3-6 weeks) and I am almost ready to give up. Everyone that I have lamented our issues to has said 'dont give up, it does get better.' When? How long must it be before we leave a house party feeling awkward, leave a hotel party disappointed, or just get past the stage of someone or a couple talking to us, then suddenly dropping off the map (clearly not/or lost interest) and making us feel foolish? Any advice would be well received, I know we are not the only couple in this situation......I'm just the only one writing this question today.

King NC
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TOPIC: How to keep from being discouraged