How do we start and where: Swingers Discussion 180954

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How do we start and where: Swingers Discussion 180954

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TOPIC: How do we start and where

Created by: skcoup Original Starting post for this thread:
We are completely new to this and are very much excited to start. We are not in a rush but both of us enjoy the talk and we usually end up with great sex. We are married for 9 years and want to do something really fun for our 10th year. Any ideas how to get there?

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User Details are only visible to members.	My suggestion for newbies would be simply, Take your time, talk a lot, go to an on premises club a couple of times to feel out the lifestyle and see how things work. Do everything together and talk both before and after. Watch your alcohol consumtion, sure it may loosen you up, but you may also do things you may later regret. Read these forums together. Most important, if it don't feel right at any time, stop, step back, and rethink the situation. Don't let others push you into something you are not ready for or don't want to do.
Mercersburg PA			Username hidden (3451 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	time4xtc we agree with your post and that's how it also works best for us. Like Chimera in a related post said, our "rule" is that we don't play sexually upon the first meet, and the couple times we've bypassed it, we wish we didn't. As for singles, couples, newbies, oldies, whatever your relationship or circumstance, there is a line between fretting and talking TOO much about what can/may happen and just going with it. IF something is ever uncomfortable STOP. You can take a break, you can take 5 breaks. Rejoin each other and see what's going on. Know yourselves and don't get caught up in the moment and go beyond each other's comfort level. That's where communication is at its best: before and after you're with someone else. Singles, respect for the couple is upmost. Males, have eyes for her but a rapport with her husband. Couples, talk, flirt, know if there's a mutual attraction or not, and let it go from there. Yes, you will have nerves the "first time." It's okay. everyone has had a first experience. Some are remarkable, some are miserable, most fall somewhere in between. Good luck, Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (6114 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I have been wanting to try the lifestyle myself for a long time and finally found someone that "might" be willing, however I don't want to scare her off. She is a bit of an exhibitionist of sorts, but doesn't really express wanting to share ourselves sexually with other people. She is so insatible it is almost radiculous and I would like to be able to please her, even if it is sharing her with others which I find very erotic. Is there anyone willing to give me advice on how to approach this topic with her to open her up to the idea without making her mad? Please help!
Pompano Beach FL			Username hidden (1 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We like to have dinner or drinks before we put ourselves in a "play" situation with NO expectations where we can talk to the other couple face to face and talk about everything, and it gives us a chance to tell them our rules and we can hear their rules. Plus the flirting and playfulness can heighten the future playtime by the anticipation of waiting until the next meeting........which in some cases may have been that same night if we feel REALLY connected to the other couple/person.
Jefferson Hills PA			Username hidden (255 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	skcoup- That is why you HAVE to communicate before actually getting into a "play" situation what your rules are. So if you decide that blowjobs or kissing are off limits for one of you or both of you, communicate that to the other couple or person. Once your rules are set, STICK to them until at a later time you and your wife decide that you would like to eliminate that rule. If you and your wife decide that something is not for you, NEVER cross that line. You can always talk about changing that rule at a later date when you are both more comfortable. COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMUNICATE!
Jefferson Hills PA			Username hidden (255 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We appreciate all the advice/suggestions. As far as experienced vs newbie, how do we set the rules that are comfortable for the experience folks too. we definitely like the idea of mix ten just 2 newbie couples. for eg: my wife is not completely into cum in her mouth and even blow jobs. I am sure over a period she will but at this time she has some reservations on it. She like penetration and play. But contrasting to that I like blow jobs. In this situation, it will be difficult to define such rule while one is completely is in playful mode. We are just concerned and scared about stopping one. As a newbie it will be helpful to understand in handling such situations. :-)
S Plainfield NJ			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	skcoup, The advice you are getting is pretty much spot on. Where to start would be to look at going to meet and greets, or if brave enough try a swingers club. Hot Dates will have a listing of meet and greets or club special events that are happening during the month. First off remember no one can make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with, the most important rule about swinging is no means no. If you do go to a club let them know you are newbies. A well managed club will have a veteran couple or host that will be more than happy to give you a tour and talk with you for a bit without expecting you to participate right away. All clubs are different and have different groups that are pretty much the regulars that go to their events. You will probably make some friendships in the lifestyle, keep your personal life separate from the lifestyle as much as you can. Play time is play time, together time is your time.
Palm Beach Gardens FL			Username hidden (188 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"(some of those that are experienced refuse to "break in" new people). " Very true, Smythe -- We don't refuse, but we are wary. In many cases newbies, are not really on the same page, have not communicated well with one another and may not really be sure about what they are getting into. In some cases, there can be a negative reaction by one or the other when the reality of swinging hits him or her in the chops. We can usually evaluate the potential for this in a no commitment M&G, and don't take the relationship any further. That said, we think that a "newbie on newbie" is not a good idea. Better to find a compatible, empathetic, patient, experienced couple that have "been there, done that" and bring a minimum of drama to what should be an enjoyable time for all. Good luck to you.
Charlotte NC			Username hidden (546 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hi Skoup. We are new too, and thankfully, our firsts were experienced people (some of those that are experienced refuse to "break in" new people). The funny thing is that we met for drinks, and it was my husband who said "so...do you want to go play". We all had such a good time that we saw them the following two night, and even the next weekend. We recently saw a younger couple, and it went really well too. For this lifestyle....Keep in mind that it's very important to either have rules or boundaries, and to communicate openly with the other couple. This helps you to avoid awkward situations. It is still surreal to me that we are in this lifestyle, and believe me, we are having FUN!
Sacramento CA			Username hidden (1 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	skcoup, I agree with Akron as to discuss EVERYTHING. Never leave any stone unturned. Then talk again. No matter what you do, set up rules for that particular event. (by event I mean whatever you decide together is the next step) Then stick to your rules, unless the BOTH of you decide to make a change in your rules. We have changed our rules many times over a course of a year and a half and you will too as it gets more comfortable. Just remember that BOTH of you have to agree on whatever you want to achieve in this lifestyle.....and there is NO hurry to get there. Take it at your pace as you are comfortable. Let your love for one another lead the way. You will know when the next step is comfortable.
Jefferson Hills PA			Username hidden (255 post)

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TOPIC: How do we start and where