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Getting past the emotion : Swingers Discussion 1966791021
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsGetting StartedGetting past the emotion
TOPIC: Getting past the emotion
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VaB, it wasn't that mean, it was kind of bang on.

You've got me going with the phrase bang on, btw. Bang on. Like, let's get our bang on! BANG on! Bang ON!

Gee, Dan's been gone for a week, can you tell?

G.

San Antonio TX
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It's not easy for a lot of new swingers to get past that gut-wrenching feeling. We dealt with it by:

1) using separate rooms so we didn't have to watch each other. 2) reminding ourselves that the sun would still come up the next morning. 3) reminding ourselves that we don't want to steal anyone's spouse; we just want to "borrow" them for a little while. 4) enjoying the heck out of "reclaiming" each other for the next week or two. 5) and most of all reminding ourselves in the immortal words of the lovely Paula "It's ONLY fucking!"

Jim

South Riding VA
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"i thought soft swap ...is trading partners, but not intercourse... am i wrong? "

Lady K, soft swap is however you want to define it. It could be the women playing together but not with each other's man, or hetero foreplay without full intercourse, or simply watch and be watched. Since there is so much variation, it is ALWAYS good to talk about what you want and don't want before playing with people. And since your wishes may have changed from the previous time you met up with someone, the conversation will need to be repeated. Don't be shy!

Sheboygan Falls WI
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i never worry about another woman taking my husband. He gets the kids.


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Gina is bang-on.

Couples who continue to swing through their relationship problems tend to do even more damage. They also tend to piss off all of their friends, become pariahs, and move to a town with good deep dish pizza, and divorce anyway, right Gina?

Ok that was mean..... inside joke....

Chesapeake VA
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This is going to sound harsh, but if you are a couple who is working out issues, then swinging needs to take a back seat, so to speak. A couple with issues to work on will not do well swinging; and it will magnify any issues.

Leeza said it best 9go figure) in that you both have to feel comfortable, and swinging will enhance the closeness. It is like a mirror: it will reflect back to you the joy and fun and companionship and closeness you have with your partner, or will reflect any jealousy, control, mis-communication, dishonesty, self consciousness you have.

Get your relationship on solid ground. That is the most important thing. Then, once all is strong and good, can you explore a bit the world of swinging. Good luck.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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One thing I have been practicing is letting my emotions catch up with my fantasies. There seemed to be a shock on that full swap. I think I spent so much time wondering if it would happen that I didn't realize I needed to be ready for how it would happen. Mrs. has been great with much insight and love, we talk all the time! It does seem to be a crazy mix of emotions, we whisper scenarios while we are having sex and it really gets us going. The attraction is there I think one just has to let the emotions mature.

Aloha OR
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Welcome to the forums, Beachlover!

I have never been a jealous person and I have never really understood the emotion. I have enjoyed watching my wife being pleasured by someone else and she enjoys watching me. For both of us it stimulates even more passion for each other-- some images remain from play scenarios that we re-live again and again when we're home together.

I have seen some jealousy and hurt feelings in the lifestyle (sometimes called drama). In order to avoid this you need to talk with your partner about what you want out of the lifestyle. What types of people are you interested in meeting (and what kinds of people are not compatible)? What activities are you interested in doing (and not doing)? What rules will you agree to follow (i.e. play on the first meeting, condoms or bare, same room or separate rooms)? How will you select play partners?

Since you're unsure, you may want to try soft swap at first (playing in the same room with others but not trading partners).

My wife and I have a few rules, safe sex, no drugs, same room full swap and no anal. We had as a rule that we don't play on the first meeting, but there was a couple that I was hot for the wife and he was instantly driving my wife crazy... the mutual chemistry was so electric that we were making out in the restaurant and even playing under the table... we just had to go up to our room to finish.

Good luck to you and enjoy the lifestyle. There are several other threads that deal with emotions that you may want to scroll around and read the posts.

Gibsonia PA
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TOPIC: Getting past the emotion