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TOPIC: Getting past the emotion
Created by: beachlover668 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Great story Kayne. May I add, even experienced swingers can have a different emotional reaction with a new playmate that you still need to talk about. Even if you have played with dozens of others, once in awhile someone new really trips your trigger and the partners need to talk it out, the same as newbies. As a single who desires some emotional connection for ongoing "friendships", I walk a fine line and constantly talk to both partners about what we are all feeling. If anyone gets the sense we are getting "too close", it is my responsibility to step away and the couple's to talk...a lot!

As I said to someone just today, I would be really disappointed if we never got to play together again but I would feel 100 times worse if I thought for a moment I might cause even a small issue between them.

Youngstown OH
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Kayne, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing that amazing experience! We were just talking last night with someone about that very subject, how you cannot use swinging to "fix" a marital problem, how the swinging opens even more communication between a couple in a solid relationship, etc. It's pretty fascinating and amazing.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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If you're not sure how you're going to react to seeing your SO rocking it with another person, stay home... you're not ready to swap. If the thought of seeing your SO with rocking it with someone else turns you on... then you're ready.

Virginia Beach VA
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@kayned99: We totally feel you. We started about three months ago and the change in our marriage dynamic has been so radical. We did a lot of research and exhaustive communication before we jumped in so when we did take the plunge, it was excellent and we were ready. We've made a lot of new FWB's in the process as well. It's pretty interesting that you can have sex with someone and help them orgasm one minute and talk about domestic stuff the next!

~Joel

Covina CA
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Isn't that a bitch that the two Washingtons are so far apart.

Middletown DE
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Great stuff! Just wish Washington State was closer to the District!

New Market MD
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So I know I am late to post on this forum but in case there are others out there that are new, as we are, and might read this I thought I would post my/our recent story. We just got into the LS and went to our first party a week ago. We've talked about playing with others for years and just decided that we should go have some fun. So we did. We put some rules in place...same room, no anal, and that was about it. It was fun. We ended up full swapping and it was our first night. Granted we found some pretty cool people to hook up with but I think she ended up having a bit more fun the me but neither of us regret anything. I have to say that emotions do happen (at least they did in our/my case) and as previously said by kinddragon you just have to be willing to talk about it. Understand that we were married as virgins and actually until last Saturday have never had sex with anyone else besides each other period, so you can imagine what it was like to experience someone different and watching each other with someone else for the both of us. I guess the cool thing is still that we have enjoyed all sexual experiences to that magnitude with each other.

Regardless, my lifetime buddy/wife and I have been talking about last weeks experience just about everyday since last Saturday and its been wonderful for us to do so. We have a new love for each other and a new way that we see each other, a good way. Not to mention awesome sex until 2 or 3 am every day since. :-) Just have to be prepared to talk and have to be willing to be totally honest with your SO. You have to trust your SO enough that you can indeed tell them you didn't like something they did and they have to trust and love you enough to say "okay, you are more important to me than......" and vise versa of course. You are not going to know what encounters you might have when you have them. Just be prepared to talk and talk. Even if you go "slow" and soft swap for a while there will still be things that come up that the couple will need to talk about. At the end of the day...I love my wife and she loves me and we are priority to each other.

Needless to say we have put a few more "rules" in place and now have "safe words" or phrases that we will take with us next time. There WILL be a next time.

Good luck and have fun. Feel free to message me if you would like to ask other questions or would like to talk on this subject more.

Gig Harbor WA
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but right now, for me, I am going to baby step this adventure."

I think this is a very wise decision :0). There is no rush, ever. You do not get a prize when you play.


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welcome to the forums mexnadian.

PG

two virgin posters in one day...

Louisville KY
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I too am worried about how my emotions, particularly jealousy and insecurity will come out. I have no actual experience in this yet, but right now, for me, I am going to baby step this adventure. As a Buddhist and a meditator I know its important to check in with myself and be mindful of everything thats going on around me as well as inside myself. My partner and I have discussed many ways to open our relationship at first we thought a sort of "no questions asked different zip code" method would work but for me not knowing made it unbearable. So we've decided to do this together. The idea of a swap seems much more comfortable to me because in the end its no ones intention to steal my man away from me, or me from him, we are simply borrowing each others partners. Same room sex seems the best scenario to me because it will leave no room for my irrational imagination to go wild. We have an amazing sex life by ourselves and my initial feelings were to keep him to myself, but these are selfish feelings and I trust that by sharing him and myself I will be in turn opening myself up to receive more as well.

Renton WA
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TOPIC: Getting past the emotion