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First time club : Swingers Discussion 60985
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TOPIC: First time club
Created by: lvecpl
Original Starting post for this thread:
Wife and I have talked about this life style for quitea bit now. Everytime we get close, she backs off. She says that she just doesn't know where to start and that fast is not the answer. We have been talking alot about going to a swingers club. She is worried about getting there and being pushed into something she is not ready for. I know that once there, she would losen up big time. My question is, can you go to one of these clubs and just watch the first time? You know, to help break the ice. The experience alone we both agree would be a huge turn on.

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We have been in this for about a year, and yes there are still times when we just go to a club and talk to others without playing or doing anything else. The club we go to alot has a hot tub and it helps to get everyone comfortable. No means No is one of the biggest rules at most of the clubs we go too. Myself, I like to go and do alot of flirting. Just going to a club can be fun, no matter what you do. Everyone seems so friendly and won't force anything on anyone that they do not want to do.

Hope this helps. Niblet

Dayton OH
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Our first time was at a club in PA called PPSC. The owner insists on a interview with first-timers, before the club opens, to lay down the rules, make sure everyone knows what to expect, and to answer all questions. As newbies, we found this very comfortable and helpful. (It also helps weed out anyone who is coercing their partner to attend.)

We asked the PPSC owner a similar question and he told us about a couple who are members who have been attending regularly for 7 years... and they have never played with anyone else. They just enjoy the atmosphere, the camaraderie, and the visual stimulation, then they go home and hump like bunnies. LOL

Since then we have attended numerous clubs, meet-n-greets, house parties, and even a Lifestyle Convention, and one rule has always stood firm... No means No. No one will pressure you to do anything. (And if anyone tries to, they will soon be escorted out.)

But if you really want to ease in slowly, start with a local Meet-n-Greet. These are usually gatherings that take place in a hotel bar or restaurant, where no overt sexual play is expected (but heavy flirting carries the day). It will give you the opportunity to meet other like-minded people, where you can talk about anything, and there is no expectation of sexual activity... just the promise of pleasures to come. ;-)

Take it slowly... don't worry. If you two are truly cut out for the Lifestyle, if you are secure in your marriage and in your trust between each other, this transition will simply be part of the learning process for you both. Enjoy it and relish every new personal discovery.

And remember, in the Lifestyle, the women are in charge.

R & M

Hagerstown MD
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The Rule of NO exists in most clubs and the owners will step in when you ask them to however not all clubs enforce this...

Naples FL
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lvecpl,

Our situation is very similar to yours as I'm more in tune than she is (isn't that true of most guys?). We've talked about it on and off for a year but she continues to waver from warm to cold. As she is the love of my life, I won't risk anything by pushing her until she's ready. Otherwise, it could backfire and cause harm to our relationship. I also won't manipulate her with "let's just try this" with the thought that it might lead to something more. I have respect for my own character and, most important, I respect her. I respect her as my lover, my soul mate, my best friend and as person. As a consequence, I'm letting her set the pace. Sure it'll probably be fun if we ever get there but, if we don't, one thing is certain is that we get joy from each others company, and nothing is worth risking that. If we absolutely still need more spice we can always go to our neighborhood A&P and look at the McCormick selection (vanilla is still a decent flavor).

As we both love to go out and party, dance, laugh and have a good time we've talked about attending a tame off-premise Meet & Greet for our first "adventure". While that certainly won't satisfy any prurient curiosity, it will allow us to interact with those more experienced and just have a fun time. If we never go farther than that, so be it (biting knuckles even harder as I type this, LOL). If we do go on from there than so be that. I don't need anyone else in my life and I'm sure she doesn't either. This isn't about need. It's only about fun. A bit of trepidation is normal and is to be expected. Any pressure to overcome real discomfort is not. At any step of the way if she decides she doesn't want to be there then my next step will be for me to do my imitation of Mario Andretti as I speed her away.

You need to be totally confident in your love for each other, you need to respect each other as a person, and you need to respect each other's boundaries. Be certain about what the other wants before you act. If you truly are in love that should be easy.

I wish you the best even if the best is never getting to fulfill those fantasies.

Scranton PA
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It took us four years to move from thinking to doing. Paitience. Don't push her into anything.

*If* she thinks she would enjoy going to a club, find someone at the club or a regular member at the club to chat live with her (telephone) to let her know she won't be pressured and to answer any other questions she might have.

Reassure her that you won't pressure her into anything, or start something that she won't be comfortable with. Promise her that you won't do anything without her.

Shadyside PA
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Just relax, if it does not work for her leave the situation and see if something else devlopes. This is really about the women getting involved or it totally sucks and the men wind up losing their women. All us dudes have to step back and relax and let the goddess rise in my opinion. Women are magic, good men are what ground them keeping them from flying off the planet. Cheers bra

Santa Barbara CA
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Wife and I have talked about this life style for quitea bit now. Everytime we get close, she backs off. She says that she just doesn't know where to start and that fast is not the answer. We have been talking alot about going to a swingers club. She is worried about getting there and being pushed into something she is not ready for. I know that once there, she would losen up big time. My question is, can you go to one of these clubs and just watch the first time? You know, to help break the ice. The experience alone we both agree would be a huge turn on.

Wichita KS
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TOPIC: First time club