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Confused : Swingers Discussion 57292
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TOPIC: Confused
Created by: wolfette4u
Original Starting post for this thread:
I have for years wanted to be with a woman just to feel her touch. Husband is totally cool with it, and will or will not participate, what ever I want. But after reading, I don't want to WANT to be with another woman more than my husband. He tries so hard to please me...........but I know I am missing out. But, I don't want to have an encounter with another woman and start wanting more and thinking about her more than my husband, it would crush him, I know it would. So...........now what do I do?

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Sounds wonderful!!! Thanks for your patience and understanding and your help Jim. I REALLY appreciate it!!! Now, that hard part........finding a woman!!! I don't have the fist clue as to how to approach a woman..........oh brother :o)

Greenfield Center NY
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You know, wolfette, almost all of us swingers have learned more about ourselves and our own sexual responses - and our spouse's too - as a result of swinging. We would have thought that after 30 years of sex we knew all about ourselves, but we discovered new things anyway.

That's not bad. In fact, when either of you has a "new" experience with another person and you really love it, you simply take that home and incorporate that new "thing" into your lovemaking with your spouse. The upshot is that your sex life at home gets better precisely because you DID discover something new and exciting with a different partner.

And you most certainly are not alone in not having an earth-shaking orgasm every time you have sex. MANY women have orgasms less than half the time, and some rarely ever. That doesn't make sex unenjoyable. Women who can have orgasms every time or have multiple orgasms are very lucky indeed.

So if you find that something you've never done before gives you an orgasm, just tell your hubby what that was and try it out at home.

Here's another thing to think about. My wife requires a LOT of G-spot stimulation in order to have an orgasm. In fact, less than half the time will I, or any other man, have enough stamina to get her off. But what we discovered at swing parties is that if she has sex with 2 or 3 different men during the course of an evening, she WILL have an orgasm. She just gets more G-spot stimulation that way.

Interestingly, if we start & stop a few times at home before finishing, that works as well as having multiple men. It's stimulate & rest, stimulate & rest.

Anyway, don't worry. If you find something different that really rocks your boat, just teach hubby.

Jim

South Riding VA
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Thanks so much for your post........I love my husband dearly, and I don't want to sound in any way that I don't. He tries very hard to please me sexually and more times than not, it just doesn't happen. And I guess the root for my fears of becoming "attached" to another woman if the opportunity comes along, is due to that. I know a woman at the slightest touch would send me into sexual bliss...........so that is why I am holding back a bit I guess, even though he is so turned on by the thought of my being with another woman and is really encouraging me to do so. I am really picky too which doesn't help the situation either. I have NO idea how to even approach another woman, or to even know if a woman is into such...........sheesh............:o)

Greenfield Center NY
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first question, what are you missing out? second why would you not want your hubby more or why woud you want him less.. Tells me if you have these concerns your not ready to venture out and cross over those lines.

Sarasota FL
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Well, try not to be so scared. Being anxious about swinging is practically universal among "newbies." There are so MANY things to be concerned about. Most people find out rather quickly, though, that almost all their concerns are unfounded. It takes some experience though to find that out.

Another thing - very few people swing with just one person or one other couple. It puts too much pressure on the relationship - and perhaps on your marriage - especially when you are brand new. Try to find SEVERAL couples or singles to play with. That way you won't be spending so much time with just one that any emotional attachments become a problem. Besides, you get to experience variety, which is part of the reason for swinging in the first place.

We've made great friendships through swinging, but there is a degree of safety in numbers that prevents emotional attachments from developing beyond the normal affection for good friends. Remember, emotional attachment should be reserved for your spouse, and if you feel you are getting too attached to a swing friend, then you need to play with more people, pull back from swinging for a while, or both.

Good luck! I'm confident you will get over your concerns with a little experience. And remember, almost all of us shared your anxiety and concerns when we first started.

Jim

South Riding VA
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Thanks Jim, that's my hubby's name too. I don't know...I am afraid that I will ruin our 20 year marriage, and no way do I want to do that. I just don't want to put myself in a position of having "feelings" for someone else even though it would be a woman.....he is all for me fulfilling my fantasy, but I am scared to death.........

Greenfield Center NY
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The key to swinging, whether you are straight, bisexual, or just bicurious, is in what you said - "hubby is totally cool with it."

So just relax and give it a try. That's what the swinging lifestyle is all about - to try out your fantasies and discover what you enjoy and don't enjoy, and then continue doing the things you enjoy.

Another major key is constant communication - and total honesty - between you and your husband. You have to be able to talk about what you do that makes either of you uncomfortable, and then adjust your behavior and "rules of engagement" as necessary to keep you BOTH within your comfort zones.

It's a good idea to simply agree up front that either of you can "veto" any particular activity, or playing with any particular person, without any need to discuss why. If either of you is uncomfortable enough to want to use the veto, that's all you need to know. Whatever works for BOTH of you is cool. Anything that doesn't work for EITHER of you is not cool.

So as long as hubby is OK with it, and you are still interested, then just give it a try and don't worry about it. If the appeal of another woman becomes so strong that it troubles either of you, just pull back.

Jim

South Riding VA
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I have for years wanted to be with a woman just to feel her touch. Husband is totally cool with it, and will or will not participate, what ever I want. But after reading, I don't want to WANT to be with another woman more than my husband. He tries so hard to please me...........but I know I am missing out. But, I don't want to have an encounter with another woman and start wanting more and thinking about her more than my husband, it would crush him, I know it would. So...........now what do I do?

Greenfield Center NY
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(15 posts)
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TOPIC: Confused