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Compromising Do you do it : Swingers Discussion 38944
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TOPIC: Compromising Do you do it
Created by: ff38dd
Original Starting post for this thread:
We are very new here and just trying to look and learn and maybe someday take that next step. Okay here is my question.

How many men, women, couples compromise and have sex with someone who does not "measure up" to their expectations as they stated in their profile? A couple of examples:

"I am clean shaved and expect the same". Does that mean if you are getting down to having sex and the other person pulls down his or her underwear and they have hair, the whole thing is off? Or do you compromise? Is it your way or not at all? Seems just a little selfish. I love my wife with hair. I do not like hair in my food but I love hair during oral sex. Sure you may get a stray hair now and then but that just adds to the excitement. So is hairy oral sex such a turn off that you will walk away or do you Compromise?

"Age preferences" 32-39" , "35-50" or whatever. Say your at a party with many couples. 50 is your age limit in your profile. This very nice 52 year old asks to join in. Do you ask their age and turn them down because they are out of you range? Or do you compromise, have sex and just maybe enjoy it immensely? Can a couple out of your age expectations by a year or 3 still contact you or should they just not bother? Sometimes a really great couple may not qualify because your age expectations may be 35-50 and that married couple may be 50 and 52. Do you compromise?

"Height and Weight proportionate". Do you not swap with very thin men, women and couples? How many extra pounds will you tolerate. Is 10 pounds over the ideal height/weight okay? 20? 30? 40? 60? Have you told someone in a party atmosphere, "No thank you, I do not have sex with obese people".

So, how many follow what their profile says and how many Compromise? Thank you in advance for sharing your thoughts.

Charlie

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Whew !!! Thank you all for shedding some light on this topic. We were just about to end all of this before we even got started. This couple have these rules and this couple has those rules. It seems like you would have to search the whole world to find the perfect match.

Like the hair issue. I love giving my wife oral sex and I prefer the hair. Now, I am going to be there 99.9% of the time. It's always clean but why should I give up a hairy oral session because another couple expects it to be shaved. Maybe some of you are saying " Keep it hairy, we'll never be with" and thats fine if you are not willing to compromise.

Some couples, who might be f-35 and m-57, will set their age limits to 33 to 48. There might be a f48, m48 couple with age limits of 33 to 50. Will those two couples never be together? Hmmmm....makes me wonder.

Anyway, thanks for sharing you thoughts. Learned a lot.

Charlie

Pottstown PA
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It really depends on where we are.Wife is veyr bi we do ont meet couple one on one where the female is not bi.However if we are at a party ,club , beach ,meet and greet,hood of the car it can vary. We love to meet people whose preference may be different then ours. So many are closed minded and do not meet people whoose preferences are not like theirs and miss out on some very exciting people.. In our experience over the years, we have seen peoples limits and rules change the longer they swing.It depends on how much time anyone wants to invest in others as to how much you will change your attitude on wants, needs and desires. We are very much like our profile in how where when and if we play. As faras with whom , we really have not gone into that as neither one of us knows who we wil find attractive and for what reason.Some are just the way they look, others for the total package they offer, still others due to the fact they laugh at our humor. Just kidding there,would need to make sure they were never convicted on charges if they laughed at our humor. I am very much like i am in the chatroom here,very open,very inclusive,love to laugh and enjoy people. I am not to sure that comes across in the forums , but in real life we are attracted to people who are attracted to us.

Sarasota FL
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I have just finished reading all the postings about Compromising. Compromising can go a long way and it can also jeopardize meetings in the future. For example: if a couple has rules as to wit: "only meeting other couples for the first time for dinner and drinks" and everyone feels comfortable with each other, do you compromise one of your rules and have sex? Same thing goes with parties i.e. socials, you let people know that you usually go to them to meet other couples and don't play, but you find a couple that you have good chemistry and you play that is a compromise, but if you meet other couples that know you and have been to parties with you and they know your rules, how would that make them and you feel? If there is chemistry with one of the other persons in the couple and there isn't with the mate, do you compromise and only one partner has sex while the others sit and talk, that is not a compromise. I know ppl have age ranges in their profiles, but like some of the others have stated, that is just that, a range, with some flexability. As far as height and weight goes, again like others have commented, that shouldn't be an issue, it is the personality that attracts not just physical attributes. Although many prefer the physical attibutes over the personalities and they don't know what they are missing with that couple. I have rambled on enough. Some may not agree with what I have stated, but then again it is just my opinion of the topic.

Enjoy new and old friends

Art

Hudson NC
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Gosh, they look a LITTLE softer than a rock! LOL

South Riding VA
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A great response from a classy woman !!! Mary you ROCK !!!!

Center Valley PA
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Compromise... that's a negative word for me today(doing too much of it already in our "other life"):

For us, it's all situationally-dependent.

Our profile is only an "outline". Just because we have a certain age group listed as being preferred, does NOT mean we don't see/meet people older and/or younger. It just means that's our preference, mainly because we're IN that age range...lol

We prefer shaved or trimmed genitalia, but that don't mean we won't dive off head first into "Hairy or Hairiette" ;) If we are comfortable enough to get naked with someone, we're not gonna get dressed just because they don't trim/shave. Now, obviously unclean genitalia would be a different story, and I'm not going there...

I'm gonna shut up now and go back to work:)

Happy Holidays ya'll! Mary

Hattiesburg MS
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We've learned to never rule out anyone based on some "rules". We've had several occasions where we've written back to a couple that, "thanks, but we don't seem to be a match", then met them at a party or club and ended up having a great time with them, and have become good friends.

We've also found that the swinging community isn't all that big, and sooner or later you'll either meet someone you have turned down through emails, or someone you know will know that couple, and be good friends with them. So we never like to burn any bridges, or be rude to anyone. You never know when you'll run into them somewhere, sometime, and have an entirely different experience with them than you had expected.

Just our opinion - Gary & Paula

West Sacramento CA
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Interesting question. We discovered that as we gained experience and time in the lifestyle we found out to our surprise that people we might not have given a second glance on the street could become very attractive in the right situation, such as a party, where you get a chance to know them and discover their personalities, playfulness, wit, and flirtatiousness.

Mrs. Valovers is usually not attracted to thin men, and I am usually not attracted to really heavy women. But we've discovered that is not ALWAYS true. A friendly face and a charming personality with humor and warmth can go a long way, especially when you're all dressed in sexy attire or naked!

Bottom line: we've learned to stay really picky about personalities, but to be much more flexible about appearances.

Jim

South Riding VA
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We tend to go by exactly what the profile says. A party situation is a little different in our opinion. There you have the ability to decide on the spot after some conversation whether to proceed ot not with them.

Center Valley PA
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The paramaters set out on the profile are just that. I think they help narrow down the obvious mis-matches. However, if we met a couple at a party who knocked us out with charm, wit, and chemistry, would we automatically rule them out if one of them was a couple of years outside our age parameters? No!

Clovis CA
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TOPIC: Compromising Do you do it