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Changing Your Mind After Marriage : Swingers Discussion 39647
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TOPIC: Changing Your Mind After Marriage
Created by: Nicepeople210 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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me agree #365 get a counselor!

Brownwood TX
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The one thing that tears a couple apart or brings them closer together is communication-or lack of it. We have been married over 25 years-very happilly for most of it. Counseling-yes! ultimately-it is communication-open communication between a couple. For us, a common Faith helps too-but communication is the key. Communicate-get counseling-good counseling. -Karen

Albuquerque NM
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Agree it's probably too late. However counseling can help with the breakup.

The property idea is very interesting. Trying to hold onto anything and you lose. Cars rust, animals/people die, money is spent. The only thing you can hold onto is yourself. Your integrity, honesty, and the like.

I consider myself a steward of anything I call a possession. Merely the caretaker. Reality is my serenity comes from understanding how little I control, possess, hold onto.

If it has 2-4 legs or wheels the easier it is to wander away.

Puts on T-shirt..shakes head..with a glint in my eye.

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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There is the story of the nervous Bride who completely blanked as she approached the door to the Church. Her father said, "It is so simple. Just remember three things: walk down the AISLE, head toward the ALTAR, and keep your eyes on HIM." So she repeated the 3 point to herself. Aisle, altar him. Aisle altar him (sounds just like=) I'll alter him! If you think you are really going to change someone AFTER the wedding, you're crazy! The reality is usually right in front of us, but we deny it and convince ourselves that it will all work out at some point later! Yeah Right. Trust me, in 25 years of being involved in pre-marital counselling and wedding, it ain't going to happen! Get GOOD counselling before entering into any significant relationship like marriage.

Bethpage TN
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Counseling is definitely advised.

Center Valley PA
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My thoughts exactly Ms. Real.

There must have been some idea that this would be an issue.

Communication, COMPROMISE, respect, honor, and commitment are the name of the game.

Now that the entire selection of farm animals is out of the barn, is not the time to find this out.

My wishes for a compromise to you. The word Yikes comes to mind.

Good luck..Get a counselor

Mischief

Glen Burnie MD
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This is something that needs to be discussed BEFORE the marriage! If you are swinging as a couple and one party thinks it ought to stop after the wedding, this is something that needs to be talked about, not declared unilaterally. If a couple cannot agree on something this fundamental, they shouldn't get married at all. If this is important to the party who wants to continue to play, the marriage is almost certainly doomed.

When one spouse loses interest in swinging, it sometimes works for the other partner to play solo, if it's all aboveboard. Usually, however, this is a prelude to divorce.

I do feel sympathy for someone whose interests genuinely change. But I feel more sympathy for the spouse who feels the rules are being changed in the middle of the game. It's not fair to be in an open relationship and expect your spouse to switch gears when you change your mind about that!

Springfield VA
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Start the adventure back up again. Ie . send her flowers or a note to work suggesting a date with the two of you. First meet at a quiet out of the way pub that is nice. Learn to flirt again, after drinks, a nice dinner, then a really great hotel room equiped with a whirlpool tub. Lock yourselves in the room while having wild ,unbriddled sex.put out the leave us alone sign on the door and enjoy room service. There are lots of ways to bring the spark back into a marriage without having to bring others in it .We think you need to bring the spark back or maintain that spark in order to be successful with others.If you do not have this spark chances are great the others may be exciting but not a fix all measure.

Sarasota FL
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Well, the options after marriage are limited. If your spouse no longer wishes to play with anyone other than you, and also does not wish you to play, the only honest thing to do is honor your marriage vows and be faithful. If, in this situation, you search for sexual adventures outside the marriage, that is called “cheating.”

I assume you’ve talked with your spouse about your desires. If you haven’t, this is called “lack of communications,” and you really don’t know what your spouse is thinking.

Assuming that she or he doesn’t want either of you to swing or have extra-marital affairs, try to find ways to spice up your love-life. There’s a great book out there called (I think,) “101 Nights of Great Sex,” that has some wonderful ways to induce variety. Try things you haven’t before – sex in a hot tub, outdoors, etc.

Finally, working things out and staying with your spouse is worth more, much more, than any other experience you may have. Good luck.

Shadyside PA
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TOPIC: Changing Your Mind After Marriage