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TOPIC: Anyone else get annoyed by this
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mrs sav, as is "usually" the case, we're on the same page. ;-)

RDY probably thinks i'm picking on her, but i just honestly thought the irony of her comment was funny.

Orlando FL
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JK, "legitimate email" email from those who have clearly read your profile and based on what you say you are looking for, honestly believe, whether right or wrong, that they may be a good match. " I always do return a legitmate email as I beleive most people here do. Some slip through the cracks though I am sure when 2 people are opening an accounts email and Mr Sav will almost never send or return an email as we have agreed it works best for US if I handle those things. The only emails he does return are to random single men who have gone so far in their crudeness that my ignoring them isn't acceptable to him (a very rare occassion).........trust me getting an email from Mr Sav isn't a good thing. lol

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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As a single male I don't "expect" anything from a couple. That said, if I write a polite respectful email that clearly shows I read their profile and feel I might be a good fit, I appreciate it if they respond, even with a "no thanks".

Youngstown OH
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RDY, wonder why you were feeling "guilt"?

probably because of the pressure of the social norm. LOL

Orlando FL
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simply saying it's an opinion. many here agree, many here disagree. doesn't make one side wrong or the other side right.

i will say this much, i've never had to deal with the awkwardness of meeting someone at a party and realizing we blew off their email. i'm sure we'll get several responses from members saying they feel no sense of awkwardness over this, but really, i think that goes without saying if you see nothing wrong with ignoring "legitimate" emails in the first place.

"legitimate email" email from those who have clearly read your profile and based on what you say you are looking for, honestly believe, whether right or wrong, that they may be a good match.

i promised myself i would never get into this debate again.

this sucks.

Orlando FL
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TY Sav!

JK4,

Not silly, I agree courtesy is beautiful and we don't have enough in our society, peace on earth, fewer guns, and much more sex. Say Amen, and let's get to some good fucking. And personally, we practice courtesy to a fault in our daily lives. However, that really wasn't the crux of my point - courtesy isn't relevant to the topic, it's a false premise based on social norms in other environments. You can look at the email system (or any of the other possible connectors) on a social networking site as either passive or active. In a passive system a sender requests a connection and the recipient is not required by force or by social norms to respond. In an active system the recipient is coerced or forced to respond (either by the computer system which may penalize or reward or by social norms of the site). I believe, thankfully, by design dating sites are passive systems - a response-neutral system, otherwise it's an active response-biased system. I can go into the pros and cons of each type of system, but Facebook is an active response-biased system which has many built in coercions both as a social norm and by system design, but most dating sites are designed differently to take the pressure of recipients to create a less pressurized and airier environment. If you think SLS is a dating site then you might fall on our side of the debate, if you view it as a FB type site then you could have a social norm argument for the other side. We see it as a dating site with a particular emphasis on discretion and privacy.

Further, we're not talking about a social environment like an office, but a social networking environment more akin to a bar. Everyone can agree a bar has different social norms than an office, and a dating site has different social norms than both an office or a bar. SLS is at its core dating site, and, as with the mentioned bar eye contact example, I see an eye contact event as identical to an email event - the recipient can ignore it, respond positively, or respond negatively, with 100% of the action to be decided by the recipient and not the sender with NO social stigma attached if the receiver chooses not to advance the social contact. And neither should the sender feel rejected or slighted. Maybe other people have other reasons, but we like there being no pressure to constantly explain or reject, we'd rather not participate than say "no thank you" dozens of times a week. So we want a passive system where like minded people with the right timing can find many ways to connect.

Oklahoma City OK
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(241 posts)
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I agree with Laughing, I do not OWE anyone anything. If I walk past a construction site and some guy yells "Nice Tits " I feel no need to say thank you or even acknowledge them why would I feel differently on a swing site I pay to be on? I am not rude because I chose to not respond to certain types of emails nor am I judgmental of those who chose to not respond to use. If you have the time or desire reply to everyone. If you want to see me as "rude" so be it. I think today's sense of "entitlement" is part of the down fall of society......No bodies owes you anything. Granted we could live in a kinder more polite society but respect is earned it is not a right, if you've sent me a disrespectful email I do not need to "prove" to you I have manners by responding in any way If you haven't read our profile , you're disrespecting us . We are far more than a piece of meat so not impressed you looked at a few photos and went immediately to write us " Hey you look hot lets hook up" and upon reading your profile I see you are so far off our preference that meeting would never happen. For instance you're looking strictly for Girl/Girl, you're wife/husband doesn't play but wants to watch,you're only interested in soft swap, you want new best friends to invite to family BBQ's, we smoke ....things you'd have learned by reading. If you in fact had a genuine interests in us you'd have taken the time to read the profile and understand what we are looking for and what we offer to share and stop wasting my time trying to convince me to FIT your desires. I may be rude but some people are just lazy, think with their little head instead of their brain and a few are literate enough to know how to spell "Lets Fuck" and they are not worthy of any response from us.

Anniston AL
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Laugh, in your OPINION, it isn't rude. There's also nothing wrong with wishing people would treat each other with a little more courtesy, as silly as the idea may seem.

I wish for world peace. That isn't going to happen either, but it's a nice idea.

Orlando FL
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LOL Nic

Windermere FL
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Let the hate mail roll. IMO, it is perfectly acceptable to not respond to emails. Personally we try, but sometimes we don’t open emails or respond. There are as many reasons as there are people on the site. It’s not rude and it doesn't require an explanation as to why an email may never have be opened, or been opened and never responded. In the reverse, I think it’s presumptuous to assume entitlement to a response. Nobody is entitled to a rejection, no more than if you glance across the room at someone they owe you anything – they don’t owe you either an affirmative or negative response, they certainly don’t have to cross the room buy you a drink and soothe your ego. We assume any non-response is a decline, which can be for any reason, no explanation required – too busy, taking a break, overwhelmed with email, overbooked, personal tragedy, don’t like us. We’re not owed anything. With that said, SLS email system is not very good, the opened, replied, etc setup seems like it was designed to frustrate, it doesn’t work for either short-term or long-term email management. You ever try to keep track of people you like on the SLS email system, it seems designed broken.

Oklahoma City OK
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(241 posts)
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TOPIC: Anyone else get annoyed by this