Advice after a rough first experience: Swingers Discussion 2086061011

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Advice after a rough first experience: Swingers Discussion 2086061011

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TOPIC: Advice after a rough first experience

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User Details are only visible to members.	wild, do not feel bad. Miscommunications do happen. They happened with us and using them as a learning experience is a good thing. I am very glad you talked about things the next day. My suggestion would be that you take things slowly and not get caught up in the moment...and watch the alcohol intake. Maybe starting together sexually vs. swapping earlier will help. Do not feel bad, these things happen. I am very happy that you did not blow up, you handled it very well.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23665 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Great advice there Nic! hmm ... wondering how far GA and OH are now. lol ;)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	WildnFree, ...you done good. :) It was nice to see how receptive you were to everyone's posts and that you were able to figure out where it went wrong with such thought and honesty. It sounds like you and your wife are fine ...and are very happy you are going to the doctors! Hoping it is a minor issue of course, and wishing you both well and plenty of play! ;)
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think it is awesome that you did not get defensive and that you are being proactive not only with checking out the ED issues but with continuing to talk with your wife about EVERYTHING. It seems so obvious but to me, this is the single most over-looked solution to nearly every LS situation. And the fact that you have kept a sense of humor about all of it means you really do have a great attitude and I have no doubt you will have fun in the future. Now here is a little more advice that may sound self-serving, coming from a SM. Think about having an MFM with your wife and a single guy. See what it is like to just have another guy join you two and see how you react to her bring pleasured without the pressure of you having another woman in the room to try and please. I think this will help on a couple of levels. One, you and the other guy aren't "competing" in any way, both are focused on pleasing your wife. You get to see her interact with the guy and you at the same time so there won't be any anxiety of watching "from afar". Two, not having another woman in the room means you can keep all of your focus on your wife. Maybe once you do this a time or two and realize that you actually can relax and watch her enjoy herself, adding that other woman will seem easier than before. Just thought....good luck and HAVE FUN!
Youngstown OH			Username hidden (11414 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Good Luck to you and your wife! Good luck at the Doc too! The forums can be a wealth of knowledge, support, experience and understanding. (mostly...LOL) ItsBeen
Amherst OH			Username hidden (2271 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Thanks everyone for your input. It has really made me reassess the entire situation and asked myself some questions bout the source of my stress/anger/anxiety. Yes I realize the two posts appear to be from different perspectives, and that is because they are (sort of). The OP was written hastily, and in an attempt to keep from writing a long post that no one would read, I left out some significant information. After Nic and PG posted, I realised that (as Livewire pointed out), that I painted a picture of a selfish wife who was only looking out for herself and did not care about me. That was not my intent and I felt terrible about portraying her that way. That is why I posted the followup. The followup is a more accurate account of the evening. Kinddraggon and Livewire, Your posts were almost dead on and helped me a lot. They made me replay the evening in my head and really find out where things went bad. Here is what I figured out. 1) Everyone was having a good time, but it did not start going bad in my head when I saw her fooling around with another man. There was some shock value, but it was not upsetting. It went bad when I realised I was still completely soft while a half naked woman was all over me. It was apparent that things were going to progress and I became nervous over potentially not performing. 2) I did feel like I could not compete with the other guy, and I did get upset when my wife was enjoying his attention. But the root of that lies, not in anger at her being with another man, but in seeing her get from him what I was incapable of giving her at the time. My wife and I have discussed what we did with the couple multiple times. We tell the stories of what was going on when we were not watching each other and we laugh and have fun with it. When she talks about any of the acts with the other man I do not feel jealous. When I replay what I saw in my head, it does not upset me, and it actually arouses me a little. It seems that the root of all of the shit in my head is the ED, and I was redirecting and confusing that frustration with jealousy and anger. If I would have been able to get an erection, I think it would have been a wonderful evening. I am going to see a doctor next week. I do not know if we will try swinging again, but before we even consider it, I need to take care of the ED issues. I would like to try again after a while. If we have another "bad" experience, I will be able to handle it better, and our relationship is strong enough to deal with it. But again,fix my health first. Thank you all. It has been therapeutic sharing this experience and reading your replies.
Atlanta GA			Username hidden (3 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Great advice livewire...couldn't have said it better myself! ;^D
Youngstown OH			Username hidden (11414 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Chiming in on part of this...OP was really different "feel" from follow-up post. Communication and respecting boundaries is the key in any relationship and especially so here . What little experience I've had was only successful because of trust, boundaries and open communication that is UNDERSTOOD by all parties involved. As an aside, my first ventures out to the clubs so far have been sober. I do drink but I've wanted to be totally clear headed as I adventure out and learn.
Amherst OH			Username hidden (2271 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I get the feeling that at the time it was happening, his own stress about not being able to perform, was being mixed up with the first time seeing his wife do these things. Therefore a 'rough first experience'. After talking about it and now speaking about it, he doesn't feel the anger he initially had, and doesn't think that it was all her fault. He see's where he made mistakes too. Am I very wrong with that WildnFree?
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Welcome to the forums WildnFree! :) So it sounds like you guys 'have' talked it out and worked through it, which is great! and like many of the posts have said, you have to keep really good communication going. I do have a question though, you say here "Due to some outside issues (fatigue, work stress, etc) I had had a couple ED issues in the home bedroom recently, so I started getting really stressed." Have you discussed this with a doctor and have had all health issues ruled out? If you have not, I really think you should. If you have, is it possible ED medication would help you? I feel for you guys with this. And I think the stress alone of wondering 'if it will happen tonight' (ED) is enough stress to make it happen.
Kunkletown PA			Username hidden (2981 post)

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TOPIC: Advice after a rough first experience