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Advice after a rough first experience : Swingers Discussion 208606
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TOPIC: Advice after a rough first experience
Created by: WildnFree12
Original Starting post for this thread:
The Mrs. and I recently had our first experience with another couple and came away with mixed feelings. I am looking for advice from the experienced crowd to see if our reactions are normal after a first encounter.

We went to a local swingers club that we had been to before, but previously just to view the scenery and play alone. This time we were meeting a couple. They knew we were inexperienced, and that we intended to just meet up that evening with no expectations of any swapping that night. Well we hit it off immediately upon meeting them. We started dancing with our spouses, and soon swapped dance partners. After a while I turned my head and found my wife kissing and foundling the other guy. My wife would later say she got carried away because she drank too much, but I was not aware of how drunk she was at the time. I was now pissed off, not because of what she was doing, but because earlier in the evening we stated our intention was to just meet people, and she never asked my if I was interested in doing anything with this couple beyond just dancing. I didn't react and just decided to partake in similar activities with the other wife, since after all, that was our longer term intent anyway. We're just speeding it up a bit.

So after everyone is all worked up, there are discussions of finding a room to take things further. At this time I am excited on the inside, but I realize that I am not even close to getting hard. Due to some outside issues (fatigue, work stress, etc) I had had a couple ED issues in the home bedroom recently, so I started getting really stressed. I casually separated my wife from the other couple and told her what was happening (or not happening) with me. She said we didn't have to do anything, but as soon as we got back to the couple, she was all over the guy again, and everyone headed off to find a room.

I went along, and was a nervous wreck at this point. My partner sensed my nervousness and was great at trying to help calm me down. Once we are in the room, everyone got naked quickly. As I am on the bed trying to stay calm, I see my wife sucking the guy's dick. This is were I got confused. I was angry, but I do not know if I was angry because she went to the room willingly after I said I was too nervous, or becuase I didn't want to see my wife sucking some other guy's dick. I also think I was probably a little jealous that this guy was getting a BJ from my wife while I sat there with a limp dick. I put it out of my head and went on with my partner doing everything we could imagine that did not require my penis.

Once my wife was really worked up, she called for me, and wanted to fuck me. I still couldn't do it for her, but we made due, and finished our little play date.

At the end of the evening I was still mad at her for taking things to a level I was not ready for that night, but I was not really mad over any of the actual acts she performed. After all, I was doing the same thing.

The next morning (after we were both sober) I told her about how angry I felt, and why. We talked it out and realized both of us should have communicated better. We made up the next day and had sex 3 times. So there is not bitterness, and apparently my temporary ED is gone. Yay.

So the issue is that I don't know if I can handle another night like that. We both enjoyed the physical experience, and I would like to try again. But since there were so many missteps, I am not sure if communicating better up front would stop all the whirlwind of shit in my head. My gut reaction is to try again, but slow it down a bit.

Any insight or similar experiences anyone has worked through would be much appreciated.

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We went to a club once and meet nice people. The one thing they told use to make sure to communicate with each and enjoy life. So far everything has been good but until we do start going to bed with others will be our test too.

New Braunfels TX
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Chimera +1

Covina CA
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Every couple has its own rules, standards, guidelines, etc. You went to the event with a simple "get acquainted" mind set. "No expectations" you put it. Frankly, that is damn good advice for newbies. You should have stuck to it. We have (on very rare occasions) modified our own plans -- after a quick, but intense, consultation with each other -- and made an exception. Your quest for sex shouldn't be so frantic that you abandon your initial goals at the first tempting opportunity -- especially under the influence of soft music, slow dancing and -- above all -- drinking! Spontaneity can be a lovely thing, but can also lead to the type of angst you describe.

Charlotte NC
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@Nic - LOL!! ;-)

@Pandora - LOL!! (You guys are a *cute* couple. There's a lot of Canadians that come to Maui, you know....)

Lahaina HI
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Rdy2, Good old Rule #18. Works every time.

Middletown DE
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"*Wishing I was in Hawaii for "next time" "

Substitute the "I" for "We" and ditto...

Long Beach CA
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*Wishing I was in Hawaii for "next time"

Youngstown OH
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@wild - You are most definitely NOT alone. Hubby and I had a very similar experience. Without getting TMI, our evening ended oddly, but hubby and I took the next week talking and going over the evening and the mis-steps that occured and figured out how we will do better next time.

Lahaina HI
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Agree with Nic about trying 2 men for one woman, at least some of the time. It's likely neither of you will be 100% functional, 100% of the time.

In fact, we've been thinking in terms of "functionality" rather than "dysfunction". If 2 guys are functional 50% of the time, then both are working about 25% of the time; one or the other _or both_ are up 75% of the time. And one quarter of the time, you're all taking a break.

Anything better than these numbers isn't really necessary, as we see it. And use your imaginations on what to do with those" _both_" times.

Flat Rock NC
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wild, do not feel bad. Miscommunications do happen. They happened with us and using them as a learning experience is a good thing. I am very glad you talked about things the next day. My suggestion would be that you take things slowly and not get caught up in the moment...and watch the alcohol intake. Maybe starting together sexually vs. swapping earlier will help. Do not feel bad, these things happen. I am very happy that you did not blow up, you handled it very well.


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TOPIC: Advice after a rough first experience