A plethora of 1st timer questionsconcerns: Swingers Discussion 214706

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TOPIC: A plethora of 1st timer questions-concerns

Created by: Mike_Eliza_NNJ Original Starting post for this thread:
Greetings, !E here ... T-minus 6 days till our 1st Club Play Party. I was so excited when I signed up last month but as each day draws to a close and we get another day closer to the event ... I get more & more nervous. We've done one on one M&G's, one on one couple swaps and I just did not have so many questions, did not have this level of nervousness. It was I who brought us into the L/s, it's I who read/reply/initiate emails, and I who sets up the where/when of our M&G's, which generally happen after 2-4 weeks of emails/texts/calls. You'd think meeting an individual would be more nerve wracking than walking into a room full of people, no? As I write this, I have just realized that to date, I have been 'in control' and I guess that I'm afraid that I will not have that control in a group setting. I have decided to come to the SLS groups to ask some advice about some concerns that are normally in my control. 1.) In the past when setting up one on ones we've all read each others profiles, and seen each others pictures, which eliminates alot of possible awkwardness .. in the bed room, for example: My profile states, A specific age range, it also states that couples must be 'shaved' and that penis' must be circumcised, oh and that we aren't into interracial. Can you tell me If you're sitting at the bar with a couple, is it ok to bring these topics up? 2.) Our experience on sls, to date has only included same room swaps, pre-arranged with only one other couple. I'm curious in a 'party situation' where there are multiple couples, are people mingling as singles? how does it work when say we're talking to a couple & my husband likes the other wife but I do not like the other husband? Is it proper for him to ask her to go upstairs and leave me at the bar? Or am I expected to go upstairs as well and just sit and converse with the husband? 3.) When is enough, enough? Basically, I guess I'm asking If I did like someone enough to go upstairs with, but he can't get hard, or can't cum -or- what ever he's doing or not doing isn't stimulating me into cumming, How and when is a good time to raise a white flag? I guess that it for now, I guess if I'm lucky enough to get some answers those answers might spark some other questions and I'll just ask later. Thanks for reading and especially thanks ... for any advice that might help alleviate some of my nervousness.

Created by: Mike_Eliza_NNJ
Original Starting post for this thread:

Greetings, !E here ...

T-minus 6 days till our 1st Club Play Party.
I was so excited when I signed up last month but as each day draws to a close and we get another day closer to the event ... I get more & more nervous.

We've done one on one M&G's, one on one couple swaps and I just did not have so many questions, did not have this level of nervousness. It was I who brought us into the L/s, it's I who read/reply/initiate emails, and I who sets up the where/when of our M&G's, which generally happen after 2-4 weeks of  emails/texts/calls. You'd think meeting an individual would be more nerve wracking than walking into a room full of people, no?

As I write this, I have just realized that to date, I have been 'in control' and I guess that I'm afraid that I will not have that control in a group setting. I have decided to come to the SLS groups to ask some advice about some concerns that are normally in my control.

1.) In the past when setting up one on ones we've all read each others profiles, and seen each others pictures, which eliminates alot of possible awkwardness .. in the bed room, for example: My profile states, A specific age range, it also states that couples must be 'shaved' and that penis' must be circumcised, oh and that we aren't into interracial. Can you tell me If you're sitting at the bar with a couple, is it ok to bring these topics up?

2.) Our experience on sls, to date has only included same room swaps, pre-arranged with only one other couple.  I'm curious in a 'party situation' where there are multiple couples, are people mingling as singles? how does it work when say we're talking to a couple & my husband likes the other wife but I do not like the other husband? Is it proper for him to ask her to go upstairs and leave me at the bar? Or am I expected to go upstairs as well and just sit and converse with the husband?

3.) When is enough, enough? Basically, I guess I'm asking If I did like someone enough to go upstairs with, but he can't get hard, or can't cum -or- what ever he's doing or not doing isn't stimulating me into cumming, How and when is a good time to raise a white flag?

I guess that it for now, I guess if I'm lucky enough to get some answers those answers might spark some other questions and I'll just ask later.

Thanks for reading and especially thanks ... for any advice that might help alleviate some of my nervousness.

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User Details are only visible to members.	Attending a LS party isn't that much different from attending a vanilla cocktail party, with the exception that sexual activity is a Possibility. (Of course, someone playing in the back room at a vanilla cocktail party isn't unheard of either. LOL). Attend with the intention of having a pleasant evening together out of the house, meeting new people, and having interesting conversations. If more happens, that's a bonus. If that's all that happens, you've still had a pleasant evening, haven't you?
Fairview Heights IL			Username hidden (635 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	It goes back to hard limits vs soft limits. A hard limit is something that you agree ahead of time that you will not deviate from, no matter how appealing it may seem in that moment. No matter how many drinks or how enticing the situation, you agree to stick to your rule and talk about it AFTERWARDS to see if you want to change it going forward. An example would be same room only. A soft limit would be something that you feel strongly about but it is not etched in stone. An example might be door open or door closed. Good luck & have fun!
Youngstown OH			Username hidden (11414 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	All of WannaTry's stuff is good -- I would only maybe modify something ever so slightly. They say "don't overlook stuff" -- true, but look for a balance. Don't try to micro-manage things, either. Be flexible (within your limits and preferences). Be prepared to deviate from your game plan if you are presented with a situation that you both find appealing.
Charlotte NC			Username hidden (544 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	One of the main things I can think of is... don't over think things. You just set yourself up for possible disappointment. Keep in mind that at a club party, you are NOT in control of everyone else, so you've got to let that one go. You can only control yourself. Don't do anything you are not comfortable with. If you and your husband are ok with mingling separately, then do so. If you are not comfortable with that, then don't. If you are there as a couple and want to play as a couple, then do that. So if hubby likes the other woman, but you are not into the other man...well, then it's a no go. Or you could take one for them team if that's ok with you. It's all about discussing ahead of time with your husband and fleshing out your rules and boundaries for the night. Also, check in with each other throughout the night and make sure you're both still on the same page. A hint - don't overdo the alcohol. You don't want to appear sloppy and drunk. That's not cool. And if you'd need that much alcohol to play with others, then you need to re-evaluate things. Another hint - wear something you love that makes you look and feel awesome and confident!
Wailuku HI			Username hidden (441 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	My advise would be to plan on going just to meet people, talk, and take in what all a club has to offer; not to play. That should help settle down the nerves and not feel like you are letting anyone down by not having something happen. Beyond that, things which are important to you should be talked about with potentials. If being uncut is a deal breaker, then yes, ask before offering to play. If things are just not, "working," you could probably just excuse yourself for a drink and call it "dead." :) Take things as slow as needed so everyone is comfy. This is suppose to be fun. Hope you have a blast and meet lots of great people!
Harmony FL			Username hidden (192 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Greetings, !E here ... T-minus 6 days till our 1st Club Play Party. I was so excited when I signed up last month but as each day draws to a close and we get another day closer to the event ... I get more & more nervous. We've done one on one M&G's, one on one couple swaps and I just did not have so many questions, did not have this level of nervousness. It was I who brought us into the L/s, it's I who read/reply/initiate emails, and I who sets up the where/when of our M&G's, which generally happen after 2-4 weeks of emails/texts/calls. You'd think meeting an individual would be more nerve wracking than walking into a room full of people, no? As I write this, I have just realized that to date, I have been 'in control' and I guess that I'm afraid that I will not have that control in a group setting. I have decided to come to the SLS groups to ask some advice about some concerns that are normally in my control. 1.) In the past when setting up one on ones we've all read each others profiles, and seen each others pictures, which eliminates alot of possible awkwardness .. in the bed room, for example: My profile states, A specific age range, it also states that couples must be 'shaved' and that penis' must be circumcised, oh and that we aren't into interracial. Can you tell me If you're sitting at the bar with a couple, is it ok to bring these topics up? 2.) Our experience on sls, to date has only included same room swaps, pre-arranged with only one other couple. I'm curious in a 'party situation' where there are multiple couples, are people mingling as singles? how does it work when say we're talking to a couple & my husband likes the other wife but I do not like the other husband? Is it proper for him to ask her to go upstairs and leave me at the bar? Or am I expected to go upstairs as well and just sit and converse with the husband? 3.) When is enough, enough? Basically, I guess I'm asking If I did like someone enough to go upstairs with, but he can't get hard, or can't cum -or- what ever he's doing or not doing isn't stimulating me into cumming, How and when is a good time to raise a white flag? I guess that it for now, I guess if I'm lucky enough to get some answers those answers might spark some other questions and I'll just ask later. Thanks for reading and especially thanks ... for any advice that might help alleviate some of my nervousness.
Sussex NJ			Username hidden (19 post)

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TOPIC: A plethora of 1st timer questions-concerns

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