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A few questions : Swingers Discussion 217968
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TOPIC: A few questions
Created by: OpenMoCouple
Original Starting post for this thread:
My husband had actually suggested we try something new. I am always up for new things but doing this got my mind intrigued. How do you get over the nervousness and shyness? And how do you go about finding the perfect couple to help you complete your fantasy? I found a few swingers club in the area that I live in, can someone give me or us tips on how to approach the subject with someone, please?

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JD, this quote struck a chord with me:

"It's safe to say that swingers enjoy a stronger, more trusting relationship with their spouse or SO than your everyday vanilla couple."

I've found that being myself, as I always do swinging, has put people in the Vanilla Scene into a... trance of oddness. When I'm genuine in the swing scene, it attracts down to earth and open minded people. When I'm genuine in the Vanilla scene, people start acting odd and phony.

Case in point: I told two of my swinger ladyfriends I'm eventually going to get into dancing for batchlorette parties. They were happy for me and very flirtatious. I mentioned it to a vanilla friend, and she kinda freaked out. For no reason other than what I could think of as "shit, he's not available, so I'm gonna freak out now" mode.

I've always felt more comfortable in the swing scene, so I am certainly here to stay. It just feels so much more natural to me. And thanks again for the quote!! That's some deep stuff.

Milford CT
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When you go out to visit a LS venue, I suggest that you only plan on having a pleasant evening out together. Perhaps you'll meet new friends, perhaps not. Perhaps you'll find someone you click with, perhaps not. It isn't at all important whether anything happens, only that you enjoy your time out together.

LS people are No Different from (and may even be) your postman, the last waitress that you had, the guy at the grocery or the person who took your payment when you filled your car the other day. Swingers are blue collar, white collar, laid back, hyper, friendly and outgoing, stand-offish and retiring. They're tall, short, slender, big, and all sizes and types. They're a cross-section of your entire neighborhood, and hence nothing to be scared by. The ONLY difference is that their relationships have been expanded to include the possibility of sexual activity of some sort with others. In that regard, it's safe to say that swingers enjoy a stronger, more trusting relationship with their spouse or SO than your everyday vanilla couple.

If you've ever been to a cocktail party, or a dance hall, then you're familiar with LS events. The only difference is that most cocktail parties or dances don't (usually) see couples pairing off with others later in the evening. That can, but doesn't Have to, happen at a LS event. If you're not up to that yet, everyone understands and won't hold that against you.

Probably the best thing that you can do as a couple is to insure that you're both singing from the same sheet of music regarding your ground rules, and then keep on communicating honestly about your feelings, your fears, and whatever else enters the conversation. Even if you never play with anyone else, the communication skills can't help but improve your relationship's foundations.

Have Fun and remember; you go there as a couple and you leave as a couple! :-)


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Thank you guys for all the information. To be honest I am scared and nervous at the same time. I don't know what to expect or how to even approach a swinging event. I think I would be more nervous than anything but who knows. I will listen to everyone's advice :)

Kaiser MO
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Just as with any other endeavour, nerves and shyness disappear with experience. At first, it can be scary as H*ll. After a bit, though, it's simply making new friends and that's not scary at all.


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We call it "expectation management" and it took a while for us to get it down. Rather than approaching every potential swinging event with the expectation of hooking up and playing with another couple, we treated it as a pleasant evening out of the house together. If we did hook up with someone, fine. If we didn't hook up, we were still getting out together and enjoying ourselves. The only issue then became if one of us hooked up and the other didn't. It does happen. In cases like that, if someone was being left out and had nobody to chat with, then the other passed on the opportunity. If they were enjoying chatting with someone but weren't feeling any sparks, they continued their conversation while their other halves played. That's what works for us, though your mileage may vary. :-)


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@openmocouple - Welcome! To answer your questions...

1. "How to get over your nervousness and shyness?" I don't know if you actually ever do. We still get super-nervous as we are getting ready to meet new people. Meeting people DOES get easier the more you do it, though. I promise. :)

2. "How do you find the perfect couple to help complete your fantasy?" IMHO, you will never find the *perfect* couple. Keep your expectations realistic, keep communication open and honest with your spouse and just have fun.

3. "In a swingers club, how do you approach the subject?" It's a *swinger's club*! Everyone is there for the same reason! LOL

Best of luck to you!

Lahaina HI
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Don't worry about finding the perfect couple, just let it happen. Better yet, let them find you. Go to the swingers clubs and meet and greets and just relax, watch, and have fun. You don't even have to talk to anyone else if you don't want to. Don't be in a hurry to meet someone, that's where newbies make mistakes. Don't be afraid to say no and don't chat online with strangers. Take it slow and keep asking questions here. And always follow your gut feelings, if it don't seem right, it ain't. Welcome to the fora, keep us posted!

Virginia Beach VA
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My husband had actually suggested we try something new. I am always up for new things but doing this got my mind intrigued. How do you get over the nervousness and shyness? And how do you go about finding the perfect couple to help you complete your fantasy? I found a few swingers club in the area that I live in, can someone give me or us tips on how to approach the subject with someone, please?

Kaiser MO
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TOPIC: A few questions