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A cheating husband : Swingers Discussion 219780101
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TOPIC: A cheating husband
Created by: lehman2
Original Starting post for this thread:
As A married cheating guy.... I almost wish she would find out. We have talked a lot about swinging, together and alone. She has no interest, says I'm all she needs, says she has no fantasies. Now what's a guy to do? How do you respond to that? When she is not all you need? When you do have fantasies? When you don't want to hurt her or lose her, but you have needs too... I was a virgin when we married, she was not. She experimented before we met, I did not. She had bi relations, I did not. The list goes on...I was shy and almost an introvert, when I was younger and she was this gorgeous extrovert, that happened to take a liking to me....

After 31 years of marriage the roles have reversed. The kids are raised, moved out. I don't put in as many hours at work anymore, ( I don't need too)She has joined the woman's club. plays cards every Tuesday, joined a book club,etc... I want to expand our sexual play and try new things... I have become Bi Curious,which after doing a lot (and I mean a lot ) of research on the subject, in psychiatric web sites, is very common at my age. (although most men won't admit to it) The idea of mmf and ffm is very intriguing to me, so is anal and DP... These are all things she has done before marriage, and I did not.

So what's a guy to do? Who has worked his ass off the last 30+ years, trying to provide, the best he could, for his family, doesn't want to loose his wife,( who is his best friend and love of his life)that wants to try other things that she has no interest in...other than cheat??????

If you have an answer for that, "O wise one", please pass it on......

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You should be addressing your feelings and concerns to the Mrs if you haven't already. These are exactly the sort of things that have destroyed marriages when left unresolved. The problem with raising these issues is that there's the fear that the spouse might think less of you...or that you might think less of them. If you two can sit down together and calmly and peacefully work together to identify and resolve, or get a start on resolving, issues that concern you both, then you've made HUGE strides in your communication skills. Whether or not you two Ever swing, those skills will still be helping your relationship. :-)


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We don't feel it's right for EITHER party to cheat. His story reminds us, of US(except his bi feelings, I'm completely straight). Mrs Waukesha said I was all she needed, and didn't have many fantasies I couldn't fulfill for her.

Fast forward a few years, and Mrs Waukesha has found herself VERY bi-curious. It took a bit of nudging. And her realizing her bi feelings after taking me to a local strip club for my birthday, and HER getting the lap dances :) She has described fantasies that she has had now. We've opened up to each other far more. Even before any experiences with others, just the opening up to each other has made us closer, and our relationship stronger than it ever has been.

I would *NEVER EVER* consider cheating on her. It's wrong regardless of sex.

Waukesha WI
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I have noticed that a lot of people want to keep cheating husbands from cheating, but you never see a profile saying that a female has to let you talk to her husband or boyfriend before the playing starts. Seams to me it should work both ways. Why is it OK for a woman to stray from her husband but the husband can not be allowed to? It seems to me that playing is playing. Some relationships have one who wants to play and the other wishes not to. I do not understand why it is NOT good for the goose but it is OK for the gander.

Williamsburg NM
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You know, he may have posted this looking for someone to be ok with his cheating....just a thought

Carmichael CA
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No offense intended but maybe she knows your bi and that troubles her, scares her or makes her feel threatened. My bet is she does know on some level but to bring it in the open isn't something she chooses to deal with. Perhaps her reservation are not about exploring as a whole but the exploration of your new found bi ness which you've convinced yourself is the norm for men of your age. Frankly I don't object to you being bi but I do object to your comment that with age it is perfectly natural. I don't believe as men get older they suddenly become bi curious ,what I do believe is some men always had the curiosity and it is only later in life they chose to acknowledge, embrace it and/ or act on it.

Mrs Sav

Anniston AL
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Sounds like a mid-life crisis. Don't do anything rash. Previous advice re: communicating to your wife how you feel is good. Look at it from her side for a moment. From what you have said in your post, it sounds like the roles have changed. You are more extroverted, she more introverted, could she be depressed? Or perhaps very self conscious about her appearance? Just a thought.

Myrtle Beach SC
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wow, I just looked at your profile and you have a cert from 2003. Hmm, I didnt think it took 10 years to figure out what you want.

Carmichael CA
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I was married to my first husband for over 25 years. I left him because he was cheating. Who knows? Maybe if he would have been honest with me about his feelings instead of cowardly going behind my back then maybe I would have stayed. Instead I have a wonderful man that is honest with me and because of that he has a loving, passionate partner in me that is joining him on this adventure. Give her the option. If the answer for her is no then please stop hurting her.

Carmichael CA
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Why can't you just simply show her what you've written here? Or at least write it to her, maybe read it out loud to her, or have her read it and then discuss? I don't think the "hardworking, loyal, etc etc etc" bit really has anything to do with it, other than trying to justify your feelings, which you don't really need to do. Feelings are feelings. They stand on their own, and you have some that you need to communicate.

Delving into swinging "on the side" will only make you feel bad/guilty, and is deceptive to someone you say you love and don't want to lose.

talk to her. At this rate, what's the worst that can happen? You both sound in different directions, and if you are really truly miserable, then you need to work on it.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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We are friends with a couple who had a similar situation. He finally told her that he was going to enter the lifestyle and she could come with him or stay home, her choice. She really felt dragged into it and had no enthusiasm for it. Guess what? She learned that she enjoyed it. She learned that she was bisexual. They became enthusiastic swingers and hosted several great parties every year.

I certainly don't recommend that approach to anyone. It could as easily destroy your marriage in a heartbeat. But for them, it worked.

Jim

South Riding VA
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TOPIC: A cheating husband