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FORUMS › General Discussions › Fitness › Regaining motivation again and again and again Whats your Motivation
TOPIC: Regaining_motivation_again_and_again_and_again__Whats_your_Motivation
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Where do I get my motivation? Well I've been slim and I've been heavy and I know how incredibly life changing it is to feel good, have energy and how that effects everything in my life. I do not do pregnancy well! I am 5ft even and I gained 80lbs and ended at 210 by the end of my first pregnancy. I had never had to watch my weight ever as I was slim and I ended up with steroid shots and ten weeks of bed rest which was the nail in the coffin. By the end if it I gave ALL of my skinny clothes away. I had lost hope and didn't even think it was possible for me to ever see my poor body rebound from that.... It did all eventually come off a lot of it spurred by extreme stress. It took me over a year and a half to get back to pre pregnancy weight. I did start working out some but nothing really long term and consistent. I had an unhappy relationship that caused a lot of depression a few years later and ballooned up to 160 which was the heaviest I had ever been not pregnant! When I left that relationship i lost a lot of weight due to stress again but after a few weeks when I did start eating again I ate really clean and worked out often but only cardio. When I met my soon to be husband and we decided to try for a baby I was scared shitless I would ballon back up and I did! I still gained 60lbs and I was active til 30 weeks. I needed up going 2 weeks and 3 days overdue so 10 lbs of that was in the last 2 weeks or so.... When I gave birth to her this past thanksgiving I lost 30 almost overnight and then stalled out. So for the past 3 month I've been on a mission to get back to my feel good place and to then improve upon that even further! I'm back in my jeans, now I'm working strength and body fat! It's becoming addictive and I'm enjoying myself!.... So yes, my motivation comes from knowing how big of an impact it has on my overall happiness. It's not for an event or another person. It's truly for me and I'm competing against myself. Self love goes a long long way!

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"But for some reason, men smile back and then walk away. It's the most bizarre thing."

Barring something I can't see from your pictures, like a gaping head wound, I see no obvious reason for this based on looks. So "for some reason" IS a reason. We know a couple we've met at parties for some time (never played). He's quite friendly and chatty. She thinks she is. After we moved away we got an email from them (written by her) stating that they wish they'd gotten to know us better and they would love to get together for private time (i.e. play) if we're back to visit.

I (M half) read that and said "Are you kidding me?". Yes she's attractive. But every bit of her body language, even when she came up and said hello, told me something between "No way are you getting any of this" and "Get lost". I never understood why she even said hi in the first place. It was like she had this negative force field around her which pushed me away.

A once very prolific poster who went by "lost" (aka Shelly) once complained about how men treated her in public and about they don't do the same to any of her girlfriends. I pointed out that if you are experiencing something different than other people, the difference is you, and the source of the issue is you. She became very defensive and said I was blaming her for how other people were behaving, when that's not quite what I said. I said there was something about her - a certain je ne sais quoi, that brought on this kind of behavior or attracted men who behave this way. She denied that could possibly be the case.

I obviously have nothing invested in you as I don't know you, but you have your husband telling you you carry yourself in a certain way and you outright reject his hypothesis, even though the evidence to support it seems to be there. If you are experiencing something negative so chronically, it must be something you're doing, however unconsciously or subtly. Getting to the bottom of it won't be easy, as self-evaluation is not something most people are very good at.

As for putting yourself "out there in a way that is fake and unnatural" - I don't think I'm suggesting that. Why do people have to assume that saying "don't be a bitch" means "act like a bubbly twit"? I used to work with 2 women who routinely told everyone what "strong women" they were, when the truth is they were vicious cunts. "Strong" people don't need to tell everyone they are strong. They exude through charisma and confidence, not arrogance and intimidation.

The word confidence is where I was going with this. While many people fall back on the "men are intimidated by confident women" explanation, which is sometimes true, there is no way you are so confident that NOBODY is flirty with you in public. So it must be something else.

I do wish you well and hope you get to the bottom of this. I know what it feels like to have the opposite sex ignore you universally - I went through this myself until we began swinging. Something changed about me when we began this and things are different now. I can't say what it is but clearly it happened.

Windermere FL
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Wanna you are dealing with the confident assertive woman intimidating men thing.

Only a very confident assertive man has the confidence to approach you. Mrs is the same way, when we met i was the only man out of around a hundred that asked her to dance, she is very attractive but the other men where scared.

She works with the top alpha men in her field, they love her and the rest of the men are completely intimidated by her, which is perfectly fine with her.

Its the men that you are around, try hanging around with the top businessmen, Doctors and scientists in Hawaii. This is your type of man, one who loves assertive strong women.

i dont know if you can find a way to work with men like this, but you will find that these are the men that you are looking for.

Las Vegas NV
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No, I don't carry myself in that way. In fact, when out, I'm chatting and smiling. But for some reason, men smile back and then walk away. It's the most bizarre thing.

Am I ok with it? No, of course not. It hurts my feelings. Having a man get up and walk away from you when you sit down on the bar stool next to them and say "Hi" really hurts.

But am I going to put myself out there in a way that is fake and unnatural to me? No, I won't. Bouncing around like a drunk, silly schoolgirl, flashing my boobs to men so they'll pay attention to me is ridiculous.

Wailuku HI
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WannaTry, your husband is probably speaking the truth. If you carry yourself in such a way that screams "STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME" I'm not surprised that that's how things are working out.

If you're happy this way, ok.

Windermere FL
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You know...for the most part, I don't care anymore. I've asked my husband and other men why I never get approached anywhere. Consensus is...I look like a bitch. LOL!!

But that's ok. I don't need the attention of men to justify myself. :)

But this struggling with my weight thing really sucks. Damn hormone issues.

Wailuku HI
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Wanna something must be wrong with the men in Hawaii. You are a beautiful sexy woman.

Come to California and you will be worshiped as the beautiful sex goddess you are.

Las Vegas NV
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@ncal - My husband and I already have an open marriage. And no, I have never had men look or interact with me. Ever. Even at my leanest. Men have never approached me in person. Ever. All the approaches I have ever gotten were because of my pictures. If it weren't for my crazy ability to take decent pix, I would never get any play. At all.

And lucky for your wife that she is able to keep her weight down. :) I'm struggling with mine right now.

Wailuku HI
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Wanna that woman in your picture is very sexy, just notice the men checking you out all the time.

The mrs keeps her weight down because we have an open marriage and she gets serious worship from her men, they just strut like peacocks when she is on their arm in public.

I dont know if you or your husband would agree to an open marriage, but its her motivation to eat like a rabbit half the week.

Las Vegas NV
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The Mrs here.

I have been really struggling with my weight lately.

3 years ago, hubby and I dieted and worked out (just cardio) and I lost 30 pounds. For the most part, I LOVED it. Hated the fact that my boobs all but disappeared, but buying single digit pants was the best ever!

That weight held for a year. Then I went thru a year of my right lung collapsing. Yes... collapsing. Every other month for a year. Hard to exercise when your lung keeps collapsing! At the end of that year, I had lung surgery that took 2 months to fully recover from.

I gained 10lbs that year due to the lack of exercise because of my stupid lung.

That weight held until December of 2013 when my dad had a massive stroke. I spent almost all of January 2014 in a chair next to my dad's hospital bed on Oahu. (We live on Maui.) I started gaining weight again due to the lack of exercise, lack of fresh food (only hospital food and vending machine food) and the near total lack of sleep. (My dad's stroke cause him to have extreme insomnia and Sundowner Syndrome. He would go 4 days straight with absolutely NO sleep. He would be freaking out and in hallucinogenic states all night long, so I wouldn't get any sleep either.)

All of 2014 was a blur of 24/7 caregiving and lack of sleep. Due to the lack of sleep, I crave carbs all the time.

So...here I am... 3 years later and back at my original weight. It's like all my hard work was for absolutely NOTHING.

Now that my dad I more or less stable and here at home with us, I am trying to regain some semblance of a "life". I am trying to lose weight again and it's SO MUCH harder this time around. I'm still so exhausted ( and depressed) that I just can't shake that little voice saying "It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. It doesn't matter what you do, you'll just get fat again."

So, like I said. I'm struggling with my weight. :(

Wailuku HI
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TOPIC: Regaining motivation again and again and again Whats your Motivation
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