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taking on your first slave : Swingers Discussion 175365
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TOPIC: taking on your first slave
Created by: innervision
Original Starting post for this thread:
We have recently been approached by someone asking permission to loyally serve us as our slave. We are considering it, but we've never done this before. we are not sure if there is a protocol, a certain amount of required time to spend with a slave...are there credentials we should ask for??? I looked to see if there was a thread on this topic already out there, but didn't see it. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions.

Thanks.

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Usually, if a couple bring a single guy in, they are pretty secure in their relationship. I am not sure what happened in your case. I would make sure to keep the conversation open and honest with both. it is not good, to go in and tear apart the couple, for some fun.

Lakeville PA
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J_and_M wrote: "...I'm lost. You can call me uneducated but that's wayyyy to deep and complex for me."

Then I'd say it's not for you. No need to worry about it. Did you think it was supposed to be for you? If something you read speaks to you and your situation, great - if not, there's no reason to bother yourself with it. Regardless, I wish you good fortunes in your journey.

Pismo Beach CA
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Here's an essay I wrote a while back - perhaps it will help.

Human beings have four basic dimensions: physical; emotional; cognitive; and spiritual. I believe the relationship between Master and slave is a symbiosis, involving mutualism and interdependency, each providing and receiving a unique and essential benefit from the other.

I see a M/s relationship as a spiritual journey, comprised of mutual integrity, honesty, honor, loyalty, love, respect, responsibility, humility, and personal growth. As Master and Owner, it's my responsibility to encourage and empower my slaves towards reaching their full potential - self actualization - in all four spheres.

A slave reaches true self actualization in the context of fully realized enslavement. My calling as Master is to guide my slaves in becoming more and more what they are - my property - to become everything they are capable of becoming. It's a never ending process. Indeed, no matter how far we climb, we can always climb further. I place a high value on emotional and interpersonal intimacy with my slaves. Transparency and communication are essential to our relationship.

Intimacy and communication are critical, but M/s also needs a framework and structure to thrive. To pursue the objective of fully realized enslavement, I use three tools: 1) protocol, 2) ritual, and 3) the practice of sexually-focused sadomasochism. These tools serve to maintain and deepen our M/s dynamic. Protocol and ritual help my slaves feel their slavery day in and day out, by providing a tangible sense of my control. Both help create a cognitive framework for our M/s dynamic, and a physical, emotional, and spiritual atmosphere for slavery. Sexually-focused sadomasochism provides an important means of pressing physical, emotional, and mental limits, and a palpable sense of surrender and achievement.

Protocol I've created a variety of protocols to provide my slaves clear directions about how to interact with me, and rules governing a wide range of daily activities. (i.e. asking permission to leave my presence for any reason, presenting, how to walk with me, open doors for me, how to speak to me, etc.) Each is designed to achieve a specific purpose. To me protocols are NOT goals - they are things we do. Clear protocols provide consistency, a sense of security and comfort, and let my slaves know for certain they are living in obedience.

Ritual I’ve instituted a wide range of rituals we practice on a daily basis. (i.e. giving my slaves the first bite of food, bringing me coffee every morning kissing and offering the cup in a special way, getting naked and sharing a greeting ritual every day, being invited into bed each night and receiving a sensual spanking over my lap before sleeping, etc.) Ritual provides a liturgical element to our dynamic, a sense of beauty and meaning, and touches our spiritual dimension as human beings.

Sexually-focused sadomasochism I believe sexually-focused sadomasochism is a critical tool for deepening the M/s dynamic. We have regular dungeon sessions, similar to physical training for soldiers or marathon runners. I continually explore my slaves’ edges of pain and pleasure, seeking to combine the two in perfect balance so the line between becomes blurred. The ordeal of sexually-focused sadomasochism peels back the onion-layers, touches my slave’s inner being (emotionally, mentally, and physically,) creates a visceral sense of climbing the mountain together, and deepens our connection as Master and slave.

Using the tools of protocol, ritual, and sexually-focused sadomasochism keeps our dynamic fresh. They provide an effective method for addressing the physical, emotional, cognitive, and spiritual needs of my slaves. These tools create a genuine and appreciable sense of control and tangible accomplishment in my slaves. All are vital to any successful, long term M/s dynamic.

Pismo Beach CA
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What defines a master? What is a slave? Without a doubt, these words are understood differently by different people, particularly in BDSM circles. Complicating any discussion about how we define these terms, a speaker's meaning may not be what the listener hears. After all, words can only mean what we understand them to mean. Keeping this in mind, I will try to be very specific, and explain my meanings carefully.

Is mastery and slavery (M/s) a relationship status? Is it a skill set, a bestowed rank, a psychological and/or spiritual state of being? Some criteria are reasonably objective, others highly subjective. If I hear the word "captain" I immediately think "a person who is at the head of or in authority over others." The word implies a position within a hierarchy. After that it gets less certain: captain in the military? Captain of a boat or plane? Absent more details, I'd have no idea about the person's role, qualifications, or skills. The word "master" is much the same.

If M/s is a relationship status, deciding who is M/s is fairly straightforward (i.e. a master is one who has a slave, and vice versa.) If M/s is a state of being or a skill set, it becomes entirely subjective, and boils down to "according to whom and what criteria?"

In the realm of psychology, dominance is the disposition of one individual to assert control over another. Submission is the act of yielding power and authority to another. Dominance is defined as rule; control; authority. I believe mastery is a disposition towards dominance combined with the skills and abilities to assert authority. Without skills, a latent orientation towards dominance may exist, but it remains unrealized.

The converse is also true. Absent the natural tendency and the mental and emotional inclination towards dominance, simply having skills amounts to “going through the motions”. Mastery is a state of being AND an objective set of abilities and skills honed through practice.

I am a master because it is my nature, my orientation, my authentic self. My authority for meaning is internal and existential. Masters are self-determining agents, responsible for the authenticity of their choices.

I confirm and actualize my mastery by learning, building my skills and expertise, and through the input and recognition of my peers and the reference groups I choose. Mastery has nothing to do with anything external to me, but has everything to do with how I show up in the world as a person. Ultimately, I actualize my mastery on a daily basis in my relationship and interactions with my slave and the world around me.

Slavery is the yin to the yang of mastery. Like masters, a slave is drawn to slavery because it is their true nature and authentic self, but a slave’s authority for meaning is external and flows from their master. A slave surrenders to their master as the source, focus, and cause for being, and finds wholeness and actualization in obedience. A slave's power, inner strength, peace, and the physical, psychological, and emotional rewards of slavery are all interconnected, and all flow from obedience.

Pismo Beach CA
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appreciate the reply. thanks.

i'm not so sure i'm NOT the master type just yet. never thought i was the dom type but my woman suggested and asked and now i wouldn't have it any other way. i may have given the wrong impression. i asked all kinds of questions of the would-be slave. he's served mistresses before. twice. each for three years. i've seen pics. he said all the right things. and i asked A LOT of questions. but i have no problems admitting when there's a topic i don't know a lot about. we've been approaching the lifestyle for about a year but the hardcore swinging started last month. we're learning a lot...quickly. but we love it.

but i know that there might be things i don't know that more experienced people could give me a heads up about. or at least things to think about that i never would have known.

don't mean to go on and on. it just occurred to me that it sounded like i hadn't asked ANY questions of the person that asked to be a slave.

Knoxville TN
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We have recently been approached by someone asking permission to loyally serve us as our slave. We are considering it, but we've never done this before. we are not sure if there is a protocol, a certain amount of required time to spend with a slave...are there credentials we should ask for??? I looked to see if there was a thread on this topic already out there, but didn't see it. Just thought I'd ask for some opinions.

Thanks.

Knoxville TN
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(303 posts)
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TOPIC: taking on your first slave