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submission-bottoming : Swingers Discussion 51877
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TOPIC: submission-bottoming
Created by: PolyGrl The original post for this thread was deleted.
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"submission begins when you do what you do not want to do."

Bottoming is a type of PowerXchange involving less psychic commitment, intimacy, and more of a physical approach.

Submission requires a bending of one's will to another. It is an EARNED act. Submission involves trust, respect, and commitment to the idea that another will keep you safe. You rest in the other's power

It is a very rare thing for me to submit. There have been two. Both are very psychically strong men. They earned my submission through a combination of intelligence, experience, raw power, and knowledge of how minds function. I had met my match. ;)

Currently, it's been a very long, long time since I had the pleasure.

BiFem_Top

Glen Burnie MD
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Complicated questions. I've learned in my adventures in the BDSM world that the meaning people give these terms is nearly individual and is important if you want to understand where someone is coming from.

I'm a switch. BDSM is a game I like to play, not an identity. I usually find people who take their roles seriously to be unintentionally humorous, although I take pains to treat everyone with respect.

I use the terms "top" and "bottom" intentionally to convey that it's a game for me, one I can play on either side. The bottom is always submitting to some extent, but the extent varies a lot. Often, especially with people who don't know each other well, what he or she is submitting to is very well defined and thoroughly negotiated.

Once in a very great while, during an especially hot and intense scene, I can get to the point as a bottom where I'd do pretty much anything the top asked, which is a whole different level of submission and an amazing place to be as long as the top is trustworthy. Even then, the submission only lasts as long as the scene does. The idea of my submitting to anyone outside that brief playtime is completely laughable. So...while I can be submissive to varying degrees during a scene, I'm not a submissive.

I'm more of a domme as a top than I am a submissive as a bottom. :) Part of what gets me off as a top is the notion that the man is submitting to me. (I don't really top women; it doesn't feel comfortable to me...although I am bisexual and find it very erotic to have a very strong woman top me). But again, I would absolutely not want a man who was submissive to me outside a scene context. That would be boring and I wouldn't respect him very much.

Springfield VA
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Wow... I just learned alot about myself. I have been told that I have a dominant personality and I can be demanding in bed, maybe even ordering people about.. a little rough talk and scratching..biting :) BUT ... I love to be choked, hair pulled and pretty much prefer to be fucked like you'd rape a person... LOL Anyway.. because of all the above mentioned traits I've been labled a "switch". However, aftering reading this whole topic I'm a little confused. I feel like I identify with "bottoming" ....??

Athens OH
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jane wanted to add - its a bit presumptious and rude for a dom to assume that she would submit to him or her just because she is sub to Jeff. We get that vibe from emails often, and once in person with a couple. What we have is a relationship, and we are comfortable with our power exchange, and have worked the kinks out (or most of them lol). You wouldn't want to step into another relationship just based on a label - why would you step into this kind? In the case of D/s couple that we have gotten along well with - he and Jeff negotiated things carefully in advance, and work together during scenes.

Hong Kong NOTHING Hong Kong
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The submitting vs bottoming here is a bit confusing (and admittedly, we are relative newbies).

But here's how we think of it, when we are playing with another D/s couple. jane is fundamentally submitting to me, and is also obeying and accepting orders/punishment from the other dom, as part of her submission to me. In some sense, she is submitting to him - she is giving control to him, even if it is an extension of my control over her. I might be kicking back just observing, not directly involved, or mostly playing with the other sub. But she does think of herself as MY sub slut - a sense of ownership - and that she is only loaned to the other dom.

jane adds "I am submissive to another dom only if told to be by Jeff"

So - does that means that jane is "bottoming" with the other dom but submitting only to me? Or do you guys mean a different distinction?

BTW - the BDSM crowd sure seems to THINK alot more than those regular horny swingers. Semantic discussions on the sex forums lol.

Hong Kong NOTHING Hong Kong
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To address the original question, I think those who say, "I would never submit to another" really mean, "I would never submit to someone I didn't love/trust/share a committed monogamous relationship with."

I think it has little to do with the dominant nature of their partner, and much more to do with their own submissive nature. It seems that they find submission to be a more personal/private/intimate act then sex, and choose to give it to only one.

Taggard

Rochester NY
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TOPIC: submission-bottoming