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new dom in ne ohio wants to learn : Swingers Discussion 221013
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TOPIC: new dom in ne ohio wants to learn
Created by: geminiluvers
Original Starting post for this thread:
The wife has expressed interest in the dom lifestyle and I am searching for a place or person that could teach me to be a well trained dom. Does anyone know somewhere or someone in northeast Ohio that could help? Thanks in advance.

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Thanks for all the replies, they have all helped. I have met wry a dom and watched him and his sub, and I t was great. Now to start tho.gs with my sub. Luckily my sub is my wife so I know hee and her limits pretty well. Any other info is appreciated. Thanks again all!

Union Park FL
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geminiluvers,

Let me first say a few things about safe words, and then I'll talk about how to structure a session.

People will tell you that the sub must have a safe word (why would the dom need a safe word?). That's fine, but no sub should think that a safe word is the end all and be all of safety. A safe word is only as good as the dom's willingness to honor it. That presupposes that there's a lot of trust between the two people involved. The dom will honor the safe word and the sub will only use it in an emergency.

Remember, it's your job as dom to know what the sub is feeling and whether you can continue with what you're doing to her/him or whether you can escalate. At it's best "green-yellow-red" is a substitute for you doing your job. At its worst green-yellow-red is a way for the sub to top from the bottom and control the session. The sub can say green to encourage you to keep doing what you're doing, or yellow to slow you down, or red to get you to stop. Really, the purpose of a safe word is to stop things in an emergency (medical) or when the sub just cannot continue -- and it stops the session cold. If you're paying attention to your sub, the sub should never have to safe. And of course you're not going to try to go beyond your sub's limits in a session, so a safe word wouldn't be needed to prevent that.

So, I'd ditch the green-yellow-red thing and learn to read your sub.

As for what to do in a session, you should have a plan thought out in advance. First, consider the sub's limits (you've had a discussion with your sub about everything you can imagine doing and the sub might imagine doing and have excluded the ones you or the sub won't do (remember, a dom can have limits also). Then consider what you like doing and what the sub likes done to him/her. Pick and choose as you see fit. Put things in an order to do. Think about what you'll do if the sub is really enjoying or really not enjoying something. Do you go back to the last thing? Move on to the next? Go in a different direction entirely?

The goal for a session is that you both enjoy yourselves. It is not that the sub got everything he/she wanted. Remember, you're responsible for your enjoyment and your sub's.

As you do more sessions and know your sub's responses better, you can add things, speed up or slow down, do more or less of something, and make the sessions work better and better.

While it's nice to watch other doms and their subs, remember that they are unique, just as you and your sub are. Most of what you can learn is technique. That's important for safety, but there's far more to a good session than technique, and that's what you'll learn by doing.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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It takes time and practice to be a good Dom as well as a sub that really enjoys what is done. Reading helps but seeing and participating I have found works the best. Maybe you can find a local Dom that will assist you, that's what we did and it was very helpful.

Presque Isle WI
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My sub loves spanking, choking, nipple stimulation and things like that. Safe works are a must, that is one thing I have learned. Yellow means your pushing your limits, red means get the fuck off me, lol. I am in the middle of reading Rush, so maybe I can get some things from there. I just don't know exactly....well, what to do. What to at all. I guess I should start keeping a journal of all the ideas that come to my mind, so when the time comes, I can execute. I just wasn't sure so I figured I would ask. Any input will be helpful. Thanks in advance.

Union Park FL
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Don't know if you can learn to be a "Dom". Have you read some of the books like "The Loving Dominant", "Screw the Roses Send me the Thorns" and similar.

Also don't listen if anyone tells you that you don't need a safe word... in fact run away from them, FAST they are posers.

If you like to take charge of sex and "direct" how things go, that is a good start. Does your sub like to be spanked? Have her nipples pinched? The Sub has to really want to be a sub.

Hope this helps and gives you a direction and some things to think about. If you want to send a PM and ask questions, we would happy to write you back and see if we can help.

Emlenton PA
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The wife has expressed interest in the dom lifestyle and I am searching for a place or person that could teach me to be a well trained dom. Does anyone know somewhere or someone in northeast Ohio that could help? Thanks in advance.

Union Park FL
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TOPIC: new dom in ne ohio wants to learn