I met my girlfriend on Fetlife a year and a half ago. We've been "together" ever since. We've basically done it all, but we've settled on Daddy/Babygirl roles in our practice of the fetish. We have a little dungeon and lots of toys and such. HOWEVER, we don't bring those into Swinging, because it gives the wrong impression and is more of a divider than a welcome addition to the swinging lifestyle. So we let people know that we're kinky, but we don't force it during the swinger events that we absolutely love. If anything, we hope to mentor younger people, so that they lose their fears of rope, handcuffs, etc. To us, BDSM is a part of our love-making, which is absolutely incredible.

We love swingers more than BDSMers, because there's not nearly the pretentiousness and nit-picky rules that get in the way of relationships. Besides, so-called "public" BDSM - the style of which is ever-present at BDSM clubs - is highly performance-driven, and the protection of newbies is a joke. That's because predators are disguised, so efforts to protect newbies from predators can't begin to weed out the bad actors.

Most importantly, we would NEVER be pushy in wanting fellow lovers to engage us on that level. To us, BDSM and Swinging are potential bedfellows, but that's about it. As has already been noted by others here, the 50 Shades crowd has poured lots and lots of new couples into both lifestyles, but with volume comes rules, and that's what we all need to overcome. Some people - actually many people - want their BDSM to be the driver of their sex lives, and if that's you, we really feel sorry for you, because there's so much more to it. BDSM offers a level of intimacy that only the truly open-minded are able to reach, but that in and of itself can be really frightening for some.

My kink is not your kink, and so it goes.

Finally, the term "vanilla" is pejorative and way overused, and that's just an awful way to separate people that don't deserve separation. 'Nuff said.