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bdsm and straight swinging - completely different worlds : Swingers Discussion 51691
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsBDSMbdsm and straight swinging - completely different worlds
TOPIC: bdsm and straight swinging - completely different worlds
Created by: jeffandjane
Original Starting post for this thread:
We are wondering - how many other couples do both straight swinging and BDSM play? And for those that do, whether there is much overlap, or if these tend to be very separate pursuits.

For us, its like different worlds. Even though, at times, our BDSM play has been with other couples, involving swapping. But the mentality seems totally different. For example, in Dom/sub roles, Jane likes the idea that she is my playtoy to be used as I see fit. It would be perfectly appropriate to offer her services - command her to give head to someone else, say - and this would turn her on.

In a straight swinging context, there is no way that would fly. Nor would I want it to. When we are in straight swinging mode, we are equals, and I like that Jane is just as much in control and aggressive as I am. Its more like couples dating. Except that everyone is really easy lol.

We're still relatively new to the BDSM side, and as we've gotten more into it, we've started wondering whether it will color our other sexual escapades. What have other people found?

A related question is - how open to be about our kinky side to vanilla couples. Particularly if we continue to treat these as different activities. But that may be a whole separate topic in itself.

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We have found in BDSM D/s world swingers tend to be frowned on and swingers didnt really understand.

So we talked to people <G> and found others of like minds who enjoy BDSM and swinging, and being a mod of our main group we slowly started bringing in like minded people who want to spank, flogg and get tied and those who wanna work them over. We are a group of close and loved friends, so slowly we started brining it out to parties and dont force anyone to play the darker side of pleasure but now is almost expected someone is gonna get get their butts beaten, nothing heaving like canes or edge play but spankings floggings etc and a few have found themselves drawn to it like moths to flame, and loving it.

So i guess my suggestiion is find like minded folks and have house parties with more like minded people who wanna play you.

Frog, Lisa's Sir and Lisa Frog's Heart

Hutchins TX
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I'm hoping that she meant that she was flogged while laying on her back ~and~ her stomach, and not that she was flogged on the stomach...

Willingboro NJ
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We would definitely like more extreme play in clubs. We experiences a Capable Dom in Vegas at a club, and I'm guessing nothing's going to live up to that experience here, but I can hope, right? I was flogged well (he had been a fencer and was also a magician) while Dan held me down, actually, and spread my legs apart, both on my stomach and on my back, in front of a crowd of people, which was erotic.

Then, the next night, leather-cuffed to a brass bed by two guys, blindfolded, flogged harder, and commanded to do things, which I really liked. Less people involved watching, but more people involved in getting me off...which I did many times. Finally I begged for the blindfold to be removed so I could see who was doing what to me...hehehehe. I liked it all. Never felt uncomfortable, it was all exciting.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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We think, and it may be our opinion only, that the vanilla swing crowd does not have a problem with the bondage aspects of BDSM play per se, but the more intense percussion play that many couples engage in. Seeing a partner in bondage having orgasms can be a very exciting and intense experience, especially for those who have fantasies in that direction. It is good to know there are others out there who play in the clubs. Maybe we will run into each other one of these parties..... C&L

Tampa FL
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We've played at clubs as well and it has been well received. We didn't play to the extent that we would in our home dungeon but we did get pretty out there.

Center Valley PA
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While we agree with most posters here that BDSM and swinging are worlds apart, we have dipped our toe into the pool of play at clubs in the past. As a recent example, we were at a well known Florida swing club when she suddenly said to me "let's go to the back room". As usual I had brought along a suitcase full of our kinds of toys including restraints, blindfolds and gags. I went out to retrieve the case and we proceeded to go back to get undressed (with the exception of her ever present boots). She insisted that we go into a private room so as not to offend anyone with our activity. Once inside, she quickly found herself restrained, sightless and speechless with no possibility of escape. Once in that condition, I announced to her that I was going to open the door for others to enjoy the exciting view that I had created. While she tried to protest, that was truly fruitless and she quickly resigned herself to her fate. Within two minutes we had a couple inside the room and the play began. After a while, I untied her and once free, the other girl announced quite nonchalantly that she also wanted to be tied up to experience the sensation. It was quite the fun and unexpected night, but we believe you need to be flexible as well as bold to enjoy the fun.

Tampa FL
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You'd have to REALLY smack hard to make that kind of impression on me.

San Antonio TX
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Got my first tattoo on mother's day (and hell no, it doesn't say mother), and will prob. get another this year too...

Anyway...

Our best experiences swinging have a little of everything for everyone. But I will have to say that in most hotel/club parties, it's pretty tame. There are a lot of couples who only have one preferred position, and it's pretty vanilla, but still fun. And understanding why/where/what/ helps us adjust to other people's preferences.

It's the unknowing. You don't really "know" how hard to fuck someone, to tie or not to tie, and so on. That comes with getting to know someone a bit. I know trust is a huge factor in BDSM play...I love being a submissive, but it's by choice, putting myself into capable hands of someone I trust.

Gina

San Antonio TX
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Its been interesting to read the responses to our original post. Clearly there is overlap in populations - anyone on this forum is probably both a swinger and kinky. But it seems that many share our sense that these are conceptually separate pursuits.

divenakedd - I see your point about how both swinging and BDSM involve overcoming social stigmas. It makes sense that swingers might be more open-minded about kinkiness, given that swinging in itself is well outside the social norm. But on the other hand, being in a minority does not guarantee sympathy toward other minorities. In fact, it can be the opposite - for example, I think male bisexuality may be more stigmatized among swingers than in the general population. Its hard to tell whether similar attitudes are present toward BDSM. The responses to the post here have been mixed - many besides ourselves have reported hiding or downplaying their kinkiness, at least to some extent.

One complication is that there is a continuum of intensity/involvement in BDSM play. Some people might get a little thrill out of light bondage or spanking but that's it, while others might only get off where there is more genuine power transfer or psychological elements. The fact that there are "lite" versions of BDSM play may increase acceptance in the swinger community - at least some of the acts, at a superficial level, could be present in a vanilla crowd. We still feel like the psychological component to D/s play (which is important to Jane) is fundamentally different than when were are just swinging.

Hong Kong NOTHING Hong Kong
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I find the overlap in people is often more common than the overlap in behavior.

My partner is a Dom, but I am not a sub. So the problem we frequently have is that he needs to find someone else for D/s play. We originally tried looking in swing settings, but even swing parties that specifically catered to a BDSM set weren't proving very fruitful.

We have occasionally met people in regular swing settings who, as we found out later, are in fact very much into BDSM (including a collared slave, who belongs to one of the parties' hosts), but that was discovered rather by accident, and not an indication of any specific behavior at the party itself.

Bronx NY
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TOPIC: bdsm and straight swinging - completely different worlds