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When were you born : Swingers Discussion 163283
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TOPIC: When were you born
Created by: RickNKat The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Back from my little road trip.

All I have to say is WOW, what an eye opener for this guy. Deanna, and I will both sit down tonight and review the responses here. All are on the same path to find ones self first and foremost, before assuming anything.

Please hit me up off the board with links that you would find helpful to us both.

One thing I have noticed about our relationship is how insanely alike we are in our thinking. We tend to push to see who's in charge at any given moment and sometimes that has led to fierce wrestling matches and tickle fests.

We are best friends and the line gets blurred when trying to establish dominance.

If we weren't such good natured people to each other, we might be able to clear that line up a bit. We hardly ever say "no" to one another, so I can see a hurdle approaching.

I really appreciate all of your support in helping me figure out my roll in this.

San Antonio TX
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LMAO! No ~ there's no way I can be in a relationship, be the dominant one and be happy. Dominants take pleasure in dominating. When I have the upperhand, I don't enjoy it. And sexually? I can be aggressive at times, like most everyone, submissive or not, but I don't like that to be anywhere near my primary role.

Jackson MS
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"Whenever you hear: I'm submissive (error corrected *wink*) to only one, know this, it's a facade for "I'm submissive for as long as I like it! and I'll kick your ass the minute that I don't want to be submissive". Around here we call it the spoiled bottom who's top is about serving the bottom, and not the other way around :)."

I see what you're saying above. The *last* thing that most men that I've been involved with would describe me a is submissive. I've been called an emasculating bitch or something to the effect more than a few times and I can't say that those who said it were wrong. I *will* walk all over a man if he lets me ~ and then I'll be disgusted with him for it. Before my first Dom and i even started dating he said, I thought jokingly, that I'd chew up and spit out any man that couldn't control me. I thought he was joking b/c I couldn't imagine anyone controlling me. I *am* a brat. I *am* a sassy pain in the ass. I *will* tell a man to make his own damn sandwich. And twice I've found men that I wouldn't dream of being that way with. Absolutely not. No choice about it. It's just how it was. Has that brat still been in me? Indeedy ~ and I love nothing more than when a man quiets that. I may be twisted in admitting that, but I need a man stronger willed than I am, plain and simple. I've found two. I've never been a bratty sub. I *love* to serve and spoil. Only with a Dominant, tho. If topping from the bottom was even a possibility, it wouldn't be D/s to me.

Back to sa ~ sorry, baby! ;) I think that I kind of round about answered part of your question above. I don't think that how we are in our professional or family lives dictates if we are Dom or sub. Sometimes it's in line, sometimes people need to be on the other side of it ~ think the stereotypical Fortune 500 CEO going to a Domme. I thnk that what you enjoy *is* innate, but I think that there's no time table to discovering it. Keep experimenting and researching and you'll find your niche!

Jackson MS
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Seduction

Thanks for the heads up, looking forward to more insight from you and anyone else. I went through what I refer to a "phase" in my early impressionable adult years that "now" I find odd, for a lack of a better term.

I came from a Southern Baptist family where the father assumed he was in charge. Mom set his ass straight when he stepped out of bounds but she normally submitted to his will. He was quite heavy handed with the kids so we were quite submissive to a degree. My sister is just as big of an ass as he will ever be now that she's older, yet my mom and I will take just about as much shit from you that you can dish out before snapping your neck verbally. In the military I would rather be physical about it than try to bend your will with words alone. I found that tiresome!! Kinda like arguing with a stop sign as an example.

Once I enlisted I was encouraged to take charge of everything. I think that kind of guidance has done me well in my life, both personal and business. My wife is a sub to a degree but after living with me for over 10 years, her DOM side has a tendency to surface and it's shocking and erotic all wrapped into one. She was always the SUB before we met in all her relationships.

As a young man, after I began to take on this new and empowering confident roll. I found myself flushed with emotions that quite frankly were not very attractive. I met a woman at a party one night that made my head spin. I didn't really like her that much on first glance and how she carried herself. She finally made her way over to me and I wanted nothing to do with her. I was standoffish, but never insulting to her by any means, but just wanted her to step off and find someone else to bother.

I eventually got around to shocking her (so I thought) and suggested that she go and suck someone else's dick and get off of mine, as I was in a salty mood to begin with. Everyone thought she was the hottest chick ever and I must have been on something other than beer and hard liqueur to have been such an ass to her.

She looked me right in the eye and said, who's cock do you want me to suck? Yep, I dropped my beer out of shock and walked away slightly embarrassed. All my friends could talk about the next day while trying to sober up was, how I could get a total stranger to attach herself to me all the while being dismissive to her. She literally followed me around all night like she was on a leash.

I did see her again a few months later, but I could not bring that beast back to life and she was a totally different person to me. I was actually nice and apologized for my behavior! She replied, I liked you better when you were an ass, not even interested now, have a nice day and she walked away.

So, how does one control that side of who you are, if you are truly a DOM or SUB?

San Antonio TX
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As a person that is somewhat curious about BDSM, I have a question for all of you actively involved in this lifestyle.

Are you born a Dom/Sub or do you think it's learned behavior from outside influences?

I am searching for answers to simple questions to many, but to me I don't have a clue how to even nurture it if I was on one side or the other. After 20 years of playing, Uncle Sam's hired hit man, I would surely think that I would have a Dom trait in me somewhere!? I had to be aggressive to do my job or I would end up on a cold slab. Why didn't that roll over into my civilian world after retirement?

Is it too broad of a brush stroke in comparison (war v sex) or am I even close?

Any help would be appreciated.

Thanks

San Antonio TX
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Take it as a compliment, she only attacks those she is intimidated by. As a lifeliong sub, myself, I have found your sub to be enchanting and lovely to look at.

Funny how forum is supposed to be about your thoughts and opinions, not nitpicking every word others use but those inside the "posse". Good to see other folks posting, as forums have been so boring with just 9 posters.

enjoy joan* <!~~ waiting on the man face, balloon t*ts comments from the peanut gallery. Maybe some epilepsy jokes?

Mantoloking NJ
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I'm like Shel ~ I'll absolutely run someone over and take control of the situation. I've been known to do it in relationships with men w/o even thinking about it. My first Dom told me very plainly that I'd eat up and spit out any man that would let me. OUCH! But true. I hadn't even thought about it til then. I'm *much* happier in a relationship w/ a D/s aspect to it. I love not being in control and I love focussing on pleasing him. It's all very June Cleaver. LOL!

Jackson MS
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I know for me, and I think that this definately can be a character flaw mind you, if a person does not have a strong personality...I will run them over like a freight train. I have done this unintentionally. I am just a decisive person, if you do not make a decision, I will. As far as control being love....hmmm, I'll have to ponder that. I know that there are people you can call "control freaks" and there are people like myself who are strong personalities. My cousin is a control freak, she micro-manages....her husband can only watch tv shows that are "approved" by her. Snap...I am not like that. I do not know that I am controlling in situations out of love...or if it is just who I am. I'll think about that one :0).

San Marcos TX
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maybe they should take all o f our GOOD body parts and make a perfect sexy person?"

Thank you for the compliment dahling! I do not think I am that unique though...honestly most of the subs I know are business people, very type A in their "regular" lives. A very good friend of mine is the CEO of his company, super type A male...and very sub as a lover. I think in a way its often you are in control at work. You are in control at home. You are in control with the kids. You want an outlet to be controlled, to be able to give up the reins of control. To me that is erotic and very refreshing.

San Marcos TX
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When that relationship ran it's course, I fully expected that I would leave that dynamic in my past ~ not b/c I wanted to, but b/c I never expected that I'd meet someone that made me feel that secure and loved *and* was into BDsM. One or the other, sure, but not both. It takes a very strong, kind, confident, kinky man to Dom me. Sure, over the years I dated guys that wanted to tie me up and spank me. YAWN! That's role playing. It's not BDsM. Nothing wrong w/ role playing. It's just not my thing. The connection has to be there and he has to be a true Dominant, not someone that is putting on a show ~ or someone that thinks that being bossy and owning a ball gag means that I'm going to roll over and play subbie. NOT happening. Those guys turn me off b/c they don't understand that just b/c someone is submissive doesn't mean that they are submissive to everyone.

Then I met Sir. Almost as soon as we were alone, we recognized each other. He'd already managed to get in my head a little bit ~ tho not on purpose. He asked me to do something and rather than to tell him to go fuck himself, I did it. Boggles my mind still. LOL! We didn't jump in head first, tho. Even tho I was pretty sure that there was going to be a strong connection b/w us, we baby stepped. He found out what makes me tick. He made it *very* clear that he was just getting to know me, not offering to be my Dom and didn't expect me to be his sub unless it was a good fit for both of us. And it is. He understands that my submission is a *rare* thing and that it takes something very special to bring it out in me. I'm not good at being vulnerable, so for me to be flayed open to him emotionally and be at his mercy physically is very valuable to him. I tend to the pain slut arena, so there's not much that I'm afraid is going to push my physical limits, but to open my heart and mind to someone emotionally and entrust them to hold them gently, while I relinquish control to them? It's the most delicious feeling. A free fall knowing that I'll be safely caught.

I've gotten woefully off topic... Stream of conciousness took over. LOL!

Jackson MS
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TOPIC: When were you born