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Turning into Hubby's Whore : Swingers Discussion 203194101
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TOPIC: Turning into Hubby's Whore
Created by: diamondsRforever248 The original post for this thread was deleted.
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Communication is key. Your hubby needs to have good communication with the guy(play partner) and get him to understand the rules of the role he will be in. Swinging lends it self to guys being really nice or being stupid. It is very difficult to find anything in between and even if you do lack of communication can make it all go wrong quickly.

There is definitely mental domination and physical. Your husband needs to communicate clearly what the expectations are and to manage any misdirection during the scene.

as part of the communication you and husband can get a better grasp of if the guy is really a dom or just someone wearing the title because he likes the sound of it. We are on fetlife (a great bdsm site) and it is so boring to see the dumb and yes I mean dumb 22 - 24 years olds listing themselves as Doms and Masters. You can almost smell the bullshit coming thru the computer.

Charles City VA
 
 
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There are (at least) two flavors of dominance. There is the physical dominance of overpowering someone and then the mental dominance where it is much more about the control. I am much more on the mental side than the physical side, although during play I can be very rough, but that always follows the mental control.

San Jose CA
 
 
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we always discuss what turns us on, we don't always get turned on by the same things and that is fine too.

PG

Louisville KY
 
 
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Ive been getting into reading some stories online.

This is something ive never thought about but I think I could get into in many situations. As the sub though.

Not something I see my wife into though. Im not so sure I would tell her some of the things ive found turn me on...haha

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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it also depends, are you looking for someone to Dom you? or just a want someone that plays hard instead of gentle?

What I put below pretty much refers to me in a non-bdsm way. I rarely and never from a playmate want soft gentle sex.

Louisville KY
 
 
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The chemistry is so very important. The chemistry between the lady and the Dom man. the chemistry between the Dom man and hubby (Dom or not) and also the chemistry of the Dom with the couple. Everyone has to be on the same page. Talking about expectations ahead of time, meeting in person to make sure there is chemistry there. Has everyone left a play session happy and wanting to do it again? No. but the there are far more success stories that not!

99% of the time I am the most experienced in D/s play with couples, so I feel it is my responsibility to lead the conversations to do what I can to make it a fun experience for everyone.

San Jose CA
 
 
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"When are looking for a dominant guy. In our definition, that means a guy who will be aggressive, take the lead, and run with it. "

Pretty much what I'm looking for all the time too. Because if your not that guy you might find yourself tied up, or on your knees begging. No ball gags though because I will have plans for your mouth.

PG

Louisville KY
 
 
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"But shes also not ready for a ball gag, and to be tied up and hung from the ceiling either."

Too bad... ;)

East Fishkill NY
 
 
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We have to try to explain that to guys ourselves. While we're not into BDSM, yet anyway...lol

When are looking for a dominant guy. In our definition, that means a guy who will be aggressive, take the lead, and run with it. As opposed to a guy who comes over, sits quietly on the couch and waits for us to "invite" him into the action.

A guy who when we walk through our door, pulls my wife into the bedroom like he has been waiting his entire life for that. I dont even have my shoes off at the door yet and hes ripping her clothes off in the bedroom.

Thats OUR definition of a dominant guy. But it has nothing to do with being a DOM in BSDM.

That has to be explained though because different people have different definitions.

In our case it doesnt mean grab my wife by the hair, slap her across the face, and say "suck my cock you dirty little slut"

That would stop the music. haha But we have had people that chatting online, thought that was what we were looking for.

But shes also not ready for a ball gag, and to be tied up and hung from the ceiling either.

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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Great post.

I dont think anyone can be a good D or S without having a true understanding of the point of the experience and the mentality behind it.

There is being dom or sum in regular sex. Thats one thing. When I pull my wifes pony tail doing her from behind thats being dom. Or holding her head directing her oral actions on me. Thats being dom. But that in no way makes me a "Dom" in the sense of BDSM.

A dom/sub situation in BDSM is so much more than just physical actions.

Being a sub with a REAL DOM is about allowing him or her to take your mind and body to places that you wouldnt on your own. To push past limits and experience the thrill and pleasure that you didnt know existed. Your mind leaves and goes to a total different place.

Its an entire scene vs. actions.

A real dom in the scene is not merely a selfish prick, but instead someone who knows how to take his sub to that "other place" and his actions are just as about the subs pleasure as his own.

Its not something that someone just off the street out of nowhere knows how to do.

So online. You are looking for something different than merely a sexually dominant guy. Youre looking for someone who knows the difference and knows the scene.

Subs dont get the pleasure merely out of the "pain" or whatever is being done to them. Go walk up to a friend and pour some hot wax on him. See what the reaction would be....lol

Its all about the scene and the places that "pain" takes you mentally. Thats where the rush is.

Unless you understand that. Youre just some guy being an asshole to someone else and thinking theyre supposed to like it. That aint how it works.

Mount Juliet TN
 
 
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TOPIC: Turning into Hubby's Whore