Swinging and BDSM: Swingers Discussion 61469

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TOPIC: Swinging and BDSM

Created by: doublepenatration Original Starting post for this thread:
I am putting this out there to see if anyone else has encountered the same issue. In fact, this issue may have even been touched upon before in the past. We are very active in the swinging lifestyle (clubs, conventions, meet n greets etc) and we are also very active in the BDSM lifestyle. Both of these lifestyles play a major role in our lives. The problem we have encountered as of late is that when we meet people who are "swinger only" they get put off by the knowledge that we are also into BDSM. They are under the impression that just because this is something that is part of "our" lives that it must cross over into our swinging lives. Now, there are times that the two do meet together, but that is when all parties are intereseted. I guess what I am getting at, is how do you help others to understand that it is not a must to bring our BDSM play into lifestyle play?

Created by: doublepenatration
Original Starting post for this thread:

I am putting this out there to see if anyone else has encountered the same issue.  In fact, this issue may have even been touched upon before in the past. We are very active in the swinging lifestyle (clubs, conventions, meet n greets etc) and we are also very active in the BDSM lifestyle.  Both of these lifestyles play a major role in our lives. 

The problem we have encountered as of late is that when we meet people who are "swinger only" they get put off by the knowledge that we are also into BDSM.  They are under the impression that just because this is something that is part of "our" lives that it must cross over into our swinging lives.

Now, there are times that the two do meet together, but that is when all parties are intereseted.  

I guess what I am getting at, is how do you help others to understand that it is not a must to bring our BDSM play into lifestyle play?

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User Details are only visible to members.	Wildpair....interesting choice of words. "set the seed" always puts the imigination in motion, doesn't it? Interestingly, I didn't mention before, a very attractive female BDSM party goer asked me if we were swingers. I told her we were. she told me she just couldn't do it, not her thing. But, about about an hour later, she was sitting backwards in a chair, her pretty bare ass hanging out. People would walk up, spank and finger her pussy. Seemed odd. LOL, overall it was a great time. Take care, the Destinez
Chilton WI			Username hidden (546 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Interesting thread...We're not into BDSM at all. That doesn't mean we don't find it intriguing. Two of our best soft swing friends are really into BDSM. She's a Dom, who make her own "tools of the trade", he's her "assistant". Earlier this year we attended one of their BDSM parties. We were the outcasts, not that we were scorned, but rather they went on with their activities as we mingled, etc. Later that evening, those of us who are swingers had our own mini-party with some of the BDSM folks looking on. Most definitely two different communities, we just assumed they understood and accepted each other.
Chilton WI			Username hidden (546 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I find it interesting about the labels. I disdain them and have had this sort of conversation about them lately in several venues: Ok, I state that I am Bi, but in actuality, I consider myself "sexual," so as to avoid all the confusion about the labels (Bi? Bi-curious? Socially Bi? and so on). I think that you are saying the same sort of thing as far as labeling yourself as Dom/sub/into BDSM or not. Would that mean it would be better for me not to list any preferences (I say I like light bondage and spanking, which are VERY light forms of BDSM, I don't want to scare anyone off with any more than that at first) on my profile at all? I really have a need to know this. Thanks. Gina
San Antonio TX			Username hidden (5609 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Actually there used to be several people that were involved with both. Unfortunately the ability to meet them has gone down with the decrease in the availability of the clubs. I think you will find that the best way to find the people you are interested in is to attend events for both and look for overlap. Some of the BDSM folks are more overt than others, some are very low key. Then men dressed all in black seems to be a clue.
Chandler AZ			Username hidden (30 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We have a few of our bondage pics on our profile. Most men come back and say positive things about them. Its other women that seem to be scared away by our interest in the other lifestyle. And it is a total different lifestyle. submissive in the swinging lifestyle is by far different as submissive in the BDSM lifestyle. We enjoy both and totally understand why swingers would not want to be involved in BDSM. SnR
League City TX			Username hidden (5 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	What is "odd" to some is "normal" to others.
Minden NV			Username hidden (4041 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I am always amazed how people in any of the lifestyles can be so judgemental of others who enjoy "odd" things...how can someone that enjoys whips, chains, rope, swinging, etc. hurt you, even if you consider them "odd"? proud to be odd, hh
Kingman AZ			Username hidden (50 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	It is obvious that some "real swingers" here on SLS consider those of us who enjoy the excitement that bondage brings to our relationship to be freaks. We doubt that they have ever tried it with each other not to mention anyone else. Not sure if this indicates a lack of trust in the other partner, a closed minded perspective on fun, or a misguided understanding of what BDSM is and the role it plays in the practitioners lives. Regardless, we don't ever try to convince anyone that exhibits that deer in the headlights reaction. We don't need to as we are so very comfortable in our relationship and fun that this brings to OUR lives. One night we were in one of the clubs in Ft. Lauderdale, in a private room, with her bound, gagged, and blindfolded. As a tease, I told her I was going to open the door to show her off. When I did, it took about 30 seconds for another couple, brand new to the concept, to see her like that and rush in to play. After I untied my love, the only thing the other woman wanted was to be tied up like she had been. As far as sex and drinking is concerned, we enjoy both when we go to clubs. Wielding a whip is NOT a mandatory component of BDSM play necessarily (which is one reason we think this lifestyle is a bit confusing - not everyone wants to be whipped, just tied up for example), and so, the loosening effect of a few drinks is lubrication for a fun evening. Our two cents. C & L
Tampa FL			Username hidden (159 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	We are members of both "communities", and it is amazing what each asks about the other. I don't think it is fear so much as not knowing what is going on, and letting your assumptions run wild. While one community stresses order, structure and control, the other features free spirits, go with the flow and individual rules for each person/couple. The biggest concern, so far, from our bdsm friends about our 'swinging' friends is the amount of alcohol consumed at parties. Tough to wield a single-tail correctly after drinking, let alone untie various knots or restraints.
Hopkins MN			Username hidden (61 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	There are vanilla swingers who are very uncomfortable with BDSM, and I don't do anything at a vanilla event or party that will be outrageous. It would be rude to do so. I also do not make any effort to hide who I am. I'm pretty well known in the local swing scene and my kinky proclivities are no secret. Vanilla swingers know they can be my acquaintance without being offended, and those who choose to be closer friends are either into BDSM also or not offended by it. I host swingers' parties that are definitely NOT BDSM events, but people who attend know they might see some playful spanking and if that bothers them they can stay home. On the other side, I've found that there are many BDSM people who are profoundly uncomfortable with sex, and they are far less tolerant of my open sexuality than vanilla swingers are of my kink. Fortunately, I don't care what they think, because I think they are silly and mired in denial. I have been actively looking for the people who have a foot in both camps and have found some who, like me, really enjoy both things. I've gotten some vanilla swingers interested in kink, and I've found many BDSM people who love to engage in multi partner sex but never thought of it as "swinging" before. It's all good.
Springfield VA			Username hidden (262 post)

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TOPIC: Swinging and BDSM