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Swinging and BDSM : Swingers Discussion 1544131021
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TOPIC: Swinging and BDSM
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lmff,

I agree that most vanilla people have done things that fall under BDSM. To your list I'd add handcuffs and tying a partner to the bedposts using neckties or silk scarves. But I think there are some very real differences that are important to recognize.

First, BDSMers call what they do a session and are sessioning, while swingers are playing or having a play date. A session is much more formal. In their session, BDSMers have very defined roles that govern the relations between the participants. The dom is the dom and the sub is the sub throughout the session. Swingers tend to think more about balance and fairness -- you did that to me, now I'll do it to you. In a session, only the dom controls what happens. If things don't go well in a session, that's the dom's responsibility. If things don't go well when swingers are playing, it could be any or all of the participants' faults. BDSMers have a large number of rules and protocols that are meant to insure the safety of the participants. For swingers, there isn't a lot more than agreements about safe sex.

I think this flows over into the way swingers and BDSMers think about meeting others. A major criterion for swingers is the attractiveness of their partners. For BDSMers, attractiveness generally comes well after many other criteria, including skill and technique, experience, and specific interests. Swingers usually expect to play on the first date. BDSMers have a rule that you don't play on the first date, though this rule often gets thrown to the winds.

None of that means that BDSMers and vanilla swingers can't have fun together. It's just that they'll have to do a lot more discussing beforehand and agree which rules they're going to play under.

- ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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There is a great misconception that BDSM and swinging are incompatible. Many "normal" couples (and more) engage in light BDSM without realizing it. Think about it, have you ever been blindfolded? Chances are you have! Ever been held down? Most likely. Ever been told (or told someone) what to do? I'm sure you have. How about a swat on the ass? Who hasn't? All of these are forms of BDSM

Davenport FL
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Once at a dungeon we used to frequent, I was having a very "toppy" night, mentally. I guess I was in serious headspace... anyways, one of the single males who frequented the club brought up some friends of his who went to a swinger's club in New Orleans. He started going off on how boring and cliche swinging was, and how he lost respect for his friends knowing that.

I ended up calling him out on the mat for that, asking him how he could sit in the middle of a club that was having a shibari demonstration, and be so closed minded about his friends' kinks. His answer: "Who ever said that people in alternative lifestyles had to be open minded?"

I had no response to that. I seriously couldn't understand the sense of that statement, so I just kind of stopping being near him.

But in my humble opinion, if you participate in a niche kink that generally requires a special kind of social networking (like these kinds of websites, or clubs with special membership requirements), then you ought to be open minded to others. Maybe it's not the consensus view, but to me, it only makes sense.

New Market MD
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We also enjoy both swinging and bdsm. I'm also a member of FetLife, and find it both amusing and irritating that there's so much antipathy directed at certain fetishes, some of which are actually quite tame.

My fetish is ok, yours is weird. Sheesh...

Trenton MI
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We've been integrating the two lifestyles for years and enjoy it. At the swing club we go to we tone it down, but those familiar with the D/s lifestyle do recognize the subtle signs and mannerisms. We're always interested in meeting and getting with others in the D/s lifestyle for fun.

Harrisburg PA
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We have encountered the exact same thing in our experiences in BDSM Clubs. There seemed to be this pervasive sense that sex somehow "cheapened" the purity of the BDSM environment, which just baffled us. Though honestly, this was stronger with the S&M/Impact crowd than the D/s crowd, who seemed to more easily integrate sharing of partners as a form of objectification.

New Market MD
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Ok but fucking with someone mind almost the same thing as a tease. Cause ur touching a nd teasing every part of the body. Make their mind swim with thoughts of want you might or will do. The bondage part just helps u get to the places that in other word not restrant. You can get to and send them into over drive.

Mesa AZ
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When.....not if...darling!

George School PA
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Ohhhhhh! Joyful trust us...if we ever meet again....all hell is going to break loose :)

Springfield MA
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Nursing 101.....if you were just a little closer.....we'd take you up on that offer :)

George School PA
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TOPIC: Swinging and BDSM