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Safe words : Swingers Discussion 165589101
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TOPIC: Safe words
Created by: Seduction4Two The original post for this thread was deleted.
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All my pets get a safeword. However, once a safeword is spoken the scene ends period, no questions asked. I find that it is impossible to push peoples limits without a safe word. I like my pets to have the freedom to fight, beg cry and let all of that out without having to purely rely on my intuition to tell me if it is going too far. The rule of having the safeword end all play keeps them wondering if they should puss out or hang in there and see what happens.

Round Rock TX
 
 
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One girl who wanted a ravishment experience was worried that if she had a safe word, she might chicken out and use it. I jokingly suggested she choose as her safe word "fuck me hard." LOL

New Orleans LA
 
 
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Sexus ~ giggle... ;)

Often times we can be found w/ me bent over holding a conversation w/ someone whilst several people give it their best shot at making me flinch. To date only one person has been able to ~ and I have a hard time counting that one. She is more a domestic sub w/ very little experience w/ the physical end of it. She nailed w/ a belt *right* where you're not supposed to ~ kidney. First time I've ever moved. Wasn't her fault ~ she just didn't have good aim (as she'd been told to generally where was "safe".) But Sir just loves watching the attempts, knowing that I'm not going to move, let alone break conversation ~ until it's his turn. I know well enough that part of my "being able to take it" is psychological ~ he loves that I won't be effected. I also know that when he takes his belt to me, there's a lot more involved than just strength, leather and my ass. ;)

New Orleans LA
 
 
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There are some in our life who really "get it" about us.

While Mr does not like to inflict a lot of pain, he knows me so well that he will welcome another's infliction of flogging, spanking, etc of me because that's a turn on for me. It's fun to be a part of that trust...they look to him to know how much or how hard I can take it. And that's erotic to me, more so than the act itself.

Pain or pleasure, or a combination of the two, the hottest experiences I've had swinging have been when Mr is in control of what is being done TO me. And then, I just crumple into his arms and he fucks the hell out me. Even if someone else has just thought he fucked the hell out of me. There's always more of me for him.

Gina

San Antonio TX
 
 
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I think that Sexus hit on some interesting things ~

I mentioned somewhere a conversation about how Dom's gain control. I can't find the darn journal entry anywhere, but after tossing it around in my head, a lot of it came back to me and I think that it fits here w/ Sexus' description of two very different people being in control.

Both men that have Dom'd me have been given control, in as much as I was welcome to say "No, this is not what I want." I didn't get to dictate how much control they would have or what they would do w/ it. That was a leap of faith, based on what I knew of them. They essentially said "Give it to me" and I did. There was no "Your submission is a gift. Will you please give it to me?" thing going on. Simply "Give" and I did. We fit together. Neither wanted anything that they felt like they had to "take" from me. It's a subtle difference, but for me a very important one. If I "gave," I gave them everything. If they had to take it, how could they possibly take everything? That's *me,* tho.

I've socially submitted to a Dom b/c I was told to that, in all honesty, couldn't Dom me on his own to save his life. Not that he's not the real deal. He is. He is simply too aggressive and has too much ego for me and that stuff makes me giggle. His subs tend to be bratty. I would be, too b/c he *takes* control. There's a bit of a struggle there. I enjoy giving all of me willingly. I don't want that struggle. That's not what it's all about to me. I will do anything that Sir asks me to, even if it's something that *I* might not neccessarily enjoy b/c he will. I can't be submissive to someone that is forceful about me being submissive to them. Does that make sense? Once it's established, I'll be obedient. Very happily obedient.

Maybe it's more a matter of semantics than anything else. I just can't be forced into something. If I need to be, there is a problem. If I'm not willingly doing whatever it is, there is a problem. If something about it isn't making me wet, there is a problem. Not b/c I'm in charge at all ~ but b/c being submissive means that I'll do whatever he asks willingly ~ for him. For that to be the case, I need to be able to make *one* choice and that's if I'm going to submit. It can't be taken from me ~ and it can't be asked for. One would shut me down and one would make it pointless. That choice is based on the fact that I know that I will be safe. That's not based on how dominant someone is. It's based on who they are.

I've always been far less concerned w/ my physical well-being than I have been w/ my emotional well being. I'm flayed wide open when I'm submissive. There are no lock boxes. Total access to all of me ~ and total control. That's a lot to entrust someone with ~ and it's my choice if I want to hand it over and when I do, it's b/c I don't have a doubt that it's been well placed. I know that I'll be cherished and nurtured and tended to. I guess that's a big part of the reason that safe words don't appeal to me. It implies that not only do I have some control, but also that I need it.

Ages ago, a friend of ours wanted to see a scene. It was pretty light. Totally NOT her thing, but hey ~ she found out. She likes her fuzzy handcuffs and that's cool. What she *did* enjoy was seeing the trust b/w us. She said that it was romantic. LOL! It's quite the simplification of it all, but as far as simplifications go, I'll take it. She got it, she just doesn't want it like that. ;)

New Orleans LA
 
 
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interesting points and informative.

Now, from the other side:

I know I'm submissive. It's my nature and that's not going to change, it's who I am and it's me as much as "me" can be. The only time I've ever "been in control" is with another woman who might be inexperienced and looking for someone she can be comfortable with sexually. Even then, the control of the situation is hers, but I have a confidence there that comes out more.

Confidence and control are two separate things however. Am I confident in the seduction of my submissiveness? Yes. I am the most "me" when I am dominated.

I know where it comes from internally, if I care to share my background. I don't think I need to do that here. I do not feel "less than" with a dom. I feel cherished, taken care of, understood and yes, ok, loved. One who is a true dom in my life has been given "me." It means I've trusted that person so much as to give him (or her) myself. Put myself in his hands, so to speak. There is nothing unequal or powerless about that, or meek. It is a gift.

Then, when sexuality comes into play, I am at the most spiritual peak I can be, because I can let go of all the trappings of my mind, body and soul and they are at the realm of the person who dominates.

Here are two things I'll share: 1. my ex was controlling, insecure, jealous and abusive. And a type A personalilty who TOOK control of every aspect of our life. He could not take my mind and soul. Although he tried. He could take control of my body, but only to a point. It was more rape sometimes than sex. especially after years of it. But, I almost always responded to him sexually. Even when I tried not to. 2. with Dan, he is dominant and can take control at his whim. It is because I know without a doubt that he will never intentionally hurt me. He can know all of me, my secrets, my life, my kinks, my fantasies, and if he wanted to, he could use those to hurt me. Yet, something in me kind of knows he won't hurt me...and even so, I give him all of me freely. It can get a bit complicated, and hard to explain. One took control, and the other controls because I've given him myself to do so. How fortunate and fulfilling to be one to whom a gift is given, rather than be a person who has a need to crush under the foot of control. One can either bloom or wither under control.

With my ex, I felt trampled and would have died (literally) had a stayed with him. With my husband now, I feel nurtured and cared for. He can still hold me in his hands and bend me to what he wills...it's just not under his foot and crushed down. Because his control is also of himself.

Sexually? He can just tell me, "you're wet," and I am. I am that responsive to him. Yes, I've gotten off just through his commanding voice. Doesn't always happen, but it can.

It's pretty cool. I'd love to talk more about this, as I feel I cannot explain it very well on here tonight.

San Antonio TX
 
 
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I know people that are only bedroom D-types or playtime D tpes and even role play only. to each his own, but ive never been interested.

Ive also observed within the 24-7 model you have some ole skool cats that stay in leather, look real mean, tats everywhere and piercings and will say .."You gotta look the part or youre not real"

Although 24-7 im not seeking unwelcomed opinions/attention from the vanilla world....

Kensington MD
 
 
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I can however compartmentalize things such as sex when I need to with partners who don't understand the dynamic.

That's what I was hoping to hear, for my own personal reasoning. With anything you commit to, you must be consistent for it to work.

San Antonio TX
 
 
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Absolutely not sorry I asked.

More intrigued than ever!

SUB, I get what you're saying and you stated it well. I had no idea it was (lack of words) all or nothing as in, you can just shut it (Domination) off at will. Well shit, I guess you can shut it off if you are a true DOM, correct?

I might be confusing myself here ever so slightly, but don't stop with the lesson.

I am a very "task oriented" person (maybe learned behavior, maybe always was me) and I'm HOOKED now. I will explore as much of what you all have to say until such a time I feel, it's just not me.

I'm leaning in the direction that I like it..

San Antonio TX
 
 
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I don't agree that it is "normal for both to be in charge"... even in your Southern Baptist background (which I saw somewhere) Male headship is emphasized. I do believe than men & women are equal...with distinct functions...functions and form dictate Role...IMO Normal for me is male headship..specifically Alpha Male D type headship

Kensington MD
 
 
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TOPIC: Safe words