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TOPIC: Safe_Words
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i think we at one time had a safe word but i cant even remember it since i never used it. hubby is my dom and i trust him to always be well aware of how i am feeling. i do not sub for anyone else because the trust would not be there.

Philadelphia PA
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Safe words have come up recently in discussions in various topics, so it's probably a good idea to say more in depth about this topic.

A safe word is a word the submissive uses to stop a session immediately. "Stop" is an obvious safe word, but if dom and sub play the game in which "stop" doesn't mean stop, a different safe word is used. It can be anything, but a word that's easy to remember is a good idea.

What if the sub is gagged or can't otherwise speak? Instead of a safe word, the dom and sub would establish a safe action. Holding an object and dropping it to stop the session is a commonly used safe action. A ball with something inside it that makes a noise when the ball rolls (such as an easy-to-obtain cat toy) might help call the domme's attention to the fact that the object was dropped.

It is sometimes said that safe words are not needed. If "Stop!" isn't counted as a safe word, this might be true. However, a sub ALWAYS needs to be able to stop a session for reasons of serious physical distress. If the sub is having a heart attack, for example, the sub's not being able to stop the session would be a very bad thing indeed.

It's also important to say that a safe word provides no protection to the sub whatsoever if the dom is not willing to stop the session when the safe word is used. A safe word is only as good as the sub's trust in the domme. This is one reason why experienced D/s people keep talking about trust.

Dominants usually follow one of two theories about safe words. Some dommes feel that it is their responsibility to know the sub and understand what the sub is thinking and feeling during the session. If the sub needs to use a safe word, the dom feels as if he has failed to do that. Under this theory, the dom never wants his sub to have to safe.

Under the other theory, the domme wants to be sure her sub will safe if necessary. She will push her sub to safe from time to time just to test the system. If the sub doesn't safe, the dom knows that a discussion needs to take place, or he can never push his sub to the edge of her limits safely.

Of course all dominants want subs to use their safe words when it is really needed. A sub who safes for very minor things or to test the dom will find that he or she will soon be looking for a new dominant.

Kitty Hawk NC
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TOPIC: Safe Words
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