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Opinions : Swingers Discussion 99353
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TOPIC: Opinions
Created by: exoticmetaldesigns
Original Starting post for this thread:
The female half of Exotic Metal Designs:

I am the sub of this relationship. My husband who is my dom likes to demand me in public to do things. I am not always comfortable with this and I do not care to show that side of me in front of other couples. Do not get me wrong I am an exhibtioinst but I like the thought of getting caught. I just am not comfortable of doing these things for the other couples amusment.

Is it wrong of me as a sub to be insubordinate in front of others or should I do what he demands at any given time?

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Hmmm. Now given I have very limited bdsm experience in a formal sense....other than typical slap on the ass I mean. I would say of course the dom has the responsibility to his or her sub to 1. know their limitations 2. know their preferences and of course to stop at the safe word. Now there is a difference though. In order to grow you must be pushed out of your comfort zone at times, but in a safe and controlled manner. Thats why the safe word is so important. But again, this is coming from someone who is in the beginning stages herself. Shell

San Marcos TX
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Does the dom not share some responsibility for not pushing a sub beyond his or her own limits? Or am I fundamentally misunderstanding the dom/sub relationship?

Richmond VA
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poly, this is true! Yes, he is very patient with me....especially because I honestly can be bullheaded. I tell you though, NO ONE tops me like Jay. Holy snap that man rocks my world. And Poly, LOVE THAT OUTFIT. However with your body how can you ever not look good??? Mwah Shell

San Marcos TX
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You're all right - you can't fight over or negotiate during play....

But there should have been a sincrere heart to heart before then and that's where the sub's first power comes from. Next is her decision to submit & continue to submit...

Finally - there's the safeword and worse - divorce.

sad but true

Deer Park NY
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Well I think they meant because although the sub IS sub they still have control over what they are and aren't comfortable with. Like with me, I have talked and talked and talked and talked with my dom about what I like, what I don't like, what do I think about this and that...I think a good dom or domme gets into your head as a sub. So even though in the room they call the shots they do keep in mind what you are and aren't willing to do. Shell

San Marcos TX
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pete, this is true. A sub gives their trust to the dom. However, if a sub is going to sit there and argue perhaps they are confused and are more dom/domme than they thought. I don't know, everyone is different. I know with me, I am a sexual sub. It turns me on being dominated, I don't argue because I don't have any oxygen left in my brain to think lol. And during play is no time to argue in my opinion. Yes, safe word. But if they are quibbling (and I have seen this) during play it becomes a mess. Shell

San Marcos TX
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I know it kills the mood, but you've got to remember who is really in control of a dom/sub relationship... and it's not the dom.

Without her loving trust- the dom has nothing to work with. Unless she wants to submit and feels comfortable with it - the dom will never be successful.

First point of success with any relationship is communication. Letting each other know what makes you tick, what makes you happy & excited - but also where you can't go or more importantly - where you don't want to go.

I recomend that you two start talking before playing - it really makes it 1000% better!

Deer Park NY
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When out of role, you have a discussion about your boundaries so that there is no need to discuss limits in public. His job as a Dom is to help you stretch yourself, but you still have the option of saying no.

Linden NC
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exotic, I am the same way. I am one who believes that there is a proper time and place for everything; I am a sexual woman but when I'm at Chilis trying to eat my salad with my children I do NOT want to hear a man calling a woman a little slut or anything along those lines. Perhaps thats just me but I would be quite annoyed. I consider myself to be sub. However, I also have a mind and preferences. If you do not feel comfortable with something it is my personal opinion that it has to be voiced. Now, there are things that you do that you may not be sure of but want to explore. For instance, my friend who is a dom wants me to explore with anal plugs. I don't think its my thing but hey I'm willing to try. However, gags I have a problem with. He knows that this is NOT something I will allow. Pushing sexual boundaries, good. Doing things you simply aren't comfortable with, not so good. Shell

San Marcos TX
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The female half of Exotic Metal Designs:

I am the sub of this relationship. My husband who is my dom likes to demand me in public to do things. I am not always comfortable with this and I do not care to show that side of me in front of other couples. Do not get me wrong I am an exhibtioinst but I like the thought of getting caught. I just am not comfortable of doing these things for the other couples amusment.

Is it wrong of me as a sub to be insubordinate in front of others or should I do what he demands at any given time?

Virginia Beach VA
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TOPIC: Opinions