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Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds : Swingers Discussion 2006661082
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsBDSMMaybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
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Thank you, Sed. As always, makes sense to me now.... it's the difference between "being a submissive", and "being submissive."

Apollo PA
 
 
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When was the last time you opened up a dictionary? if not recently, please do yourself a favor and look up the meaning of the word submissive.

In my experience, people who shout that others shouldn't judge are probably the most judgmental of all. Everybody judges, some of us are just more honest about it.

I stated right off the bat that there is nothing wrong with playing with safe words, most do. There is nothing wrong with thinking that one is submitting and under the control of another even if they're really not.

I told you that we'd have to agree to disagree, but you returned for more. Allow me the same freedoms as you demand for yourself.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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Submissive, meek, obedient, docile.

I am being submissive when husband successfully dominates me. But I am not a submissive.

I still can't get over that bullshit that circulates in the BDSM circles, that submission is a gift! please! keep that gift, it's conditional :).

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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I am speaking of control and lack of it, dominance and submission.

B-Bondage D-Discipline S-Sadism M-Masochism

I am not talking about BDSM :). The whips and chains are just tools used by people who are kinky and enjoy them, including those who are into dominant and submissive. The one difference between those who are d/sers and the rest of the BDSMers, is that D/s'ers don't always use all those props. In fact, they can go a lifetime without every touching a flogger or rope etc...

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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Sed, as you know i read your posts on this subject and you always make a light bulb go on for me...and it always makes such perfect sense. These posts have been the same as i am reading them, but i do have one question... how do you define a submissive? I think i will "get" everything you are saying if i understand that! Thank you in advance.

Apollo PA
 
 
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It has nothing to do with with general BDSM and everything to do with dominance and submission, which is where the thread has meandered to.

It has nothing to do with Master or slaves or any labels, and everything with logic.

We're talking about dominance and submission. Not a scene, not playing.

Being whipped, blindfolded, tied, gagged (insert your favorite SM activity) is mere play if there is no bending of the will. There is zero submission, zero dominance in such exchanges. That kind of interaction is for the purpose of arousal, consider it foreplay that sometimes leads to sex.

I am a dominant, as is my spouse. Husband though, is by far more dominant than I am, and has been bending my will for over 25 years. I am not a submissive, I am not a bottom, I am dominated.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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Is it really control that the top has if at any given moment the bottom can get up and shout RED? how is it submission if at any time the bottom can take back the control? where exactly was the submission, who's will was bent?

It's ok, it's a common misconception. This is why we don't play with others when it comes to Dominance and submission. When it comes to Ds, for us, it's not play, it's how we live and how we interact with each other, it's who we are.

We'll just have to agree to disagree.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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You describe a top and bottom interaction. There is zero submission when you are able to give or take control while in a bottom position. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just not dominance nor submission. It's enjoyable play for all who are involved.

Dominant is what you are, a personality, you either have it or you don't. You can not switch it on and off.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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If one is able to give control, then the one that the control was given to, is not really in control.

Control can not be given. Control is taken, just as submission cannot be conditional. Submission occurs in the face of successful dominance.

Colts Neck NJ
 
 
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I think that most of those who are in BDSM will look down on those in the swing lifestyle as "dirty". Ive heard how being a swinger is like being in an open relationship, how its not based on a true connection with another person, its just based on pure sex, not a mental and physical connection. But in our group we welcome everyone who has a true interest in BDSM. We have all types of people in our group, bi, gay, trans, swinger, poly....we accept everyone. The reason we stay "underground" is many people depend on their anonymity for their jobs. Many sign morality clauses as part of their work so if they were outted it could mean an end to their careers. Most cities do host munches and gives you an opportunity to go and meet like minded people in a public space to make it less threatening to the newbies. Our group also holds demos each month to help you learn as you grow in the lifestyle. Good luck to you in finding a group that works for you.


 
 
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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds