Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds: Swingers Discussion 2006661061

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Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds: Swingers Discussion 2006661061

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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds

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User Details are only visible to members.	It has nothing to do with with general BDSM and everything to do with dominance and submission, which is where the thread has meandered to. It has nothing to do with Master or slaves or any labels, and everything with logic. We're talking about dominance and submission. Not a scene, not playing. Being whipped, blindfolded, tied, gagged (insert your favorite SM activity) is mere play if there is no bending of the will. There is zero submission, zero dominance in such exchanges. That kind of interaction is for the purpose of arousal, consider it foreplay that sometimes leads to sex. I am a dominant, as is my spouse. Husband though, is by far more dominant than I am, and has been bending my will for over 25 years. I am not a submissive, I am not a bottom, I am dominated.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12260 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Is it really control that the top has if at any given moment the bottom can get up and shout RED? how is it submission if at any time the bottom can take back the control? where exactly was the submission, who's will was bent? It's ok, it's a common misconception. This is why we don't play with others when it comes to Dominance and submission. When it comes to Ds, for us, it's not play, it's how we live and how we interact with each other, it's who we are. We'll just have to agree to disagree.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12260 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You describe a top and bottom interaction. There is zero submission when you are able to give or take control while in a bottom position. There is nothing wrong with it, it's just not dominance nor submission. It's enjoyable play for all who are involved. Dominant is what you are, a personality, you either have it or you don't. You can not switch it on and off.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12260 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	If one is able to give control, then the one that the control was given to, is not really in control. Control can not be given. Control is taken, just as submission cannot be conditional. Submission occurs in the face of successful dominance.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12260 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I think that most of those who are in BDSM will look down on those in the swing lifestyle as "dirty". Ive heard how being a swinger is like being in an open relationship, how its not based on a true connection with another person, its just based on pure sex, not a mental and physical connection. But in our group we welcome everyone who has a true interest in BDSM. We have all types of people in our group, bi, gay, trans, swinger, poly....we accept everyone. The reason we stay "underground" is many people depend on their anonymity for their jobs. Many sign morality clauses as part of their work so if they were outted it could mean an end to their careers. Most cities do host munches and gives you an opportunity to go and meet like minded people in a public space to make it less threatening to the newbies. Our group also holds demos each month to help you learn as you grow in the lifestyle. Good luck to you in finding a group that works for you.
Fresno CA			Username hidden (7 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"Sadly you seemed to have missed my point." Sadly you failed to re-read your own post. Your post was not equivocal at all, you flatly state 'bdsm has negotiations, agreements...etc'. If you did not MEAN that, that's fine, clarify your position. Just don't take ME or anyone else to task for your failure to bring clarity to your own post when I comment on it...
East Fishkill NY			Username hidden (2772 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	@TheGhost_and_MrsMuir Sadly you seemed to have missed my point. My 2nd post there was trying to explain that I didn't feel anyone was trying to "upsell" bdsm. Yes I am well aware there are 1000s of ways of doing things differently. We are well aware of people that don't join the social community for bdsm nor get into some of or any of the structures I mentioned. My post was simple trying to point out that there is much more depth in bdsm then in swinging and that is not an upsell, but just a fact.
Charles City VA			Username hidden (22 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	"Ghost, lookie here, something we agree on ;) I've a greed with you on several things M, this subject most consistently.
East Fishkill NY			Username hidden (2772 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Ghost, lookie here, something we agree on ;). This is why I gave up posting here, I realized that majority of people who post on this subject just don't understand what I'm trying to explain. Either due to my handicap in trying to explain the unexplainable. Or their inability to simply understand. I read lines like, he is dominate, and I cringe. I read non sense about learning how to become dominate and I want to just scream! I read crap about dominating others with whips and chains, and I just shake my head. Dominant is WHAT you are, you can't learn it, you are, or you aren't. No one doubts the fact that I am a dominant, no one doubts the fact that my husband is a dominant. Our relationship is 24/7 from the day he laid eyes on me. I can't even explain to people that I am not a submissive, I am a dominated dominant! Argh.....
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12260 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	kinkster, What you describe MAY be a PART of BDSM or it may not. There is no One Twue Way (TM) to practice this erotic art. Some people just ARE. I have been in and out of the 'scene' since 1979 and I follow no ones protocol but my own. I disdain ceremony, I do not like nor do I attend dungeons, munches or events. I do not believe in written contracts, I rarely if ever anymore combine swinging with anything but light bdsm play. I am simply Dominant, and no one that has ever known me even a little doubts it. MrsMuir and I are a full time D/s couple, which does not mean we are immersed in kink 24/7. It is something far more profound and much more subtle than what you read in 'Shades'. It's also far less dysfunctional and you will be happy to know that we use much better grammar as well...
East Fishkill NY			Username hidden (2772 post)

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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds