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Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds : Swingers Discussion 20066610101
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsBDSMMaybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
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I don't see a reason to negative sell either lifestyle as the reason why the groups are at odds. The things we share are greater than what sets us all apart. Words like : "BDSM about trust and Swinging about thrust" rhyme and may sound like it shares some truth, but it seems really just plain derogatory to swingers in stating that trust is not a part of the lifestyle. I hear many describe BDSM in ways that tell us that they share many of the same high levels of communication that devoted couples in the lifestyle do. A level of communication and trust that is hard for many people, in and out of the various lifestyles to achieve. We know vanilla couples that have wonderful and abiding marriages and we have no reason to deride the path they've taken, they love and are going through the journey together.

With that said, we've always been interested to meet and see BDSM couples. It is a shame that the level of trust between the communities is so low. The lifestyle has some great clubs and facilities, as perhaps they might in the BDSM world. We're both communities that have to remain isolated and fly under societies radar. Every once in awhile we've been honored to see a couple share their style of play and their relationship dynamics. I think sharing that sort of openness is more of what we need: from both sides. Perhaps some LS couples being invited to a whatever BDSM consider house parties and visa versa.

OP made some good points about how they felt about the various and communities and why things seemed at odds. I assume the reason for the post was meant to open the dialogue. Or perhaps I got it wrong and its just a thread to put down those in the LS and in some odd way lift up those in the BDSM community?

Oklahoma City OK
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My guess is that maybe 10% of the swinging women are interested in bdsm. I think the men are more wary. Some are freaked out because it seems so un-PC and too similar to abuse.

We have found that by introducing mild bdsm we have found the women who would like some attention. It is a slow process but it has been mutually satisfying.

Our newsletter BDSM + Swing = More Fun has been a useful way to give beginners something to consider. Trouble is that the newsletter function on this site is pretty bad. You have to request an invitation but it has served a purpose.

Green Bay WI
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Jason685 -- I think your slave summed it up well.

Also swinging a lot of times is about drinking. Alcohol places a large part in swinging to loosen people up so that they lose control. However with BDSM if someone loses control people could end up in the hospital, scarred mentally or physically for life or dead.

I think a lot of swingers also have misinformation about bdsm. They don't understand that hair pulling, securing hands or legs, ass slapping, demeaning sexual talk, hot wax.. are all peaks into BDSM play.

Also another thing that will keep the two groups apart in "most areas" is the view of people. In bdsm you have Tops/scene tops that they are happy to find any bottom that they can play with it does not matter about their sex, shape, size or race. Where in swinging people are mostly looking for what they are attracted to. If the package isn't appealing they aren't interested in even having a conversation.. The hunt must go on.

In the Richmond area it is dam difficult to locate HWP, attractive people that enjoy both worlds.

One more difference is the mental aspect. The bdsm mental aspect of submitting to someone can be very over whelming and intoxicating. This can be very difficult to share that ...plus the sex with someone. It makes it easier to share one or the other, but more difficult to share both at the same time.

Charles City VA
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My slave came up with a fairly succinct reason.

BDSM is about trust. Swinging is about thrust.

I thought that said it pretty well.

Green Bay WI
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In my opinion, to this day the best BDSM 'groups' are underground and do not advertise anywhere. You find out about them if you happen to meet someone involved that likes what you bring (read that usually as experience AND exceptional attitude) and invites you to visit with them. At some point you may be invited to the core group as well. In this, the community hasn't changed all that much since the 70's. These are just small groups of friends for the most part that have more trust between them than a swinging group normally would and keep their raks very close, even family-like. This takes time and a certain grace as in any social situation but the rewards, though slow to accrue, are well worth it.

In today's instant gratification society this is a natural filter for these groups to the bullshitters and bad attitudes, and tends to simply reject them by exclusion. Those in that social group often have better places to share their kink/knowledge/playtime and thus even if you DO meet them in the same places/websites/clubs/etc as swingers, you may not know they are interested in bdsm beyond simple bedroom play. Also, due to the higher drama rates in the swing community vs the bdsm community, outing oneself as into serious 'play' pass-times can be a multi-edged tool.

It can be fun to talk with newbies and offer grounded opinions, but it can also attract a difficult element of drama, forum queens, One Twue Way (TM) proselytizers and frustration of having to function in unmoderated spaces where trolls are allowed, nay encouraged, to begin flame wars over the most minute ideological differences.

So, what's left for sites such as SLS, aff or alt in my opinion are the fringes. The newbies. The misfits and outcasts...and of course the slummers...lol.

I freely admit to being every one of those at some point...

Which one are you?

East Fishkill NY
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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds