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Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds : Swingers Discussion 200666
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FORUMSGeneral DiscussionsBDSMMaybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds
Created by: TheGhost_and_MrsMuir
Original Starting post for this thread:
In my opinion, to this day the best BDSM 'groups' are underground and do not advertise anywhere. You find out about them if you happen to meet someone involved that likes what you bring (read that usually as experience AND exceptional attitude) and invites you to visit with them. At some point you may be invited to the core group as well. In this, the community hasn't changed all that much since the 70's. These are just small groups of friends for the most part that have more trust between them than a swinging group normally would and keep their raks very close, even family-like. This takes time and a certain grace as in any social situation but the rewards, though slow to accrue, are well worth it.

In today's instant gratification society this is a natural filter for these groups to the bullshitters and bad attitudes, and tends to simply reject them by exclusion. Those in that social group often have better places to share their kink/knowledge/playtime and thus even if you DO meet them in the same places/websites/clubs/etc as swingers, you may not know they are interested in bdsm beyond simple bedroom play. Also, due to the higher drama rates in the swing community vs the bdsm community, outing oneself as into serious 'play' pass-times can be a multi-edged tool.

It can be fun to talk with newbies and offer grounded opinions, but it can also attract a difficult element of drama, forum queens, One Twue Way (TM) proselytizers and frustration of having to function in unmoderated spaces where trolls are allowed, nay encouraged, to begin flame wars over the most minute ideological differences.

So, what's left for sites such as SLS, aff or alt in my opinion are the fringes. The newbies. The misfits and outcasts...and of course the slummers...lol.

I freely admit to being every one of those at some point...

Which one are you?

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hmmm

Clayton NC
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I really wasn't apologizing, I was using "sorry" in the sense of pathos as opposed to remorse.

Rosemont IL
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The OP writes: "It can be fun to talk with newbies and offer grounded opinions, but it can also attract a difficult element of drama, forum queens, One Twue Way (TM) proselytizers and frustration of having to function in unmoderated spaces where trolls are allowed, nay encouraged, to begin flame wars over the most minute ideological differences."

Best bet is to completely ignore trolls.

"So, what's left for sites such as SLS, aff or alt in my opinion are the fringes. The newbies. The misfits and outcasts...and of course the slummers...lol."

I'd say there are a lot of hotties on sls who are interested in sexually focused bdsm - both single and married women. I've met and played with a fair number over the years. Some have become long term ongoing relationships that have continued for years.

Pismo Beach CA
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PP - It was not my intent to point fingers or blame. No names were mentioned. I was not looking for an apology although I appreciate the sentiment. Just like to see a little lighter tone.....

Media PA
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playfulcpl140 ...speaking only for myself, I don't believe I personally attacked anyone, at least no one who is present in these fora. I was simply responding to the OP in a constructive way..I am sorry if Jason took offense

Rosemont IL
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Wow - I was amused for a while by the continuing discussion - and I use that word lightly on this subject. I don't know how many others agree, but it has become a bit tiresome. Personal attacks do not advance an argument nor a discussion. I am not accusing anyone of anything as I do not intend to take sides here. Please accept this post in the spirit in which it is given - to lighten up a little and avoid personal attacks.

Media PA
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Jason, you have totally misrepresented what I said, put words in my mouth, and assume things that are totally incorrect. Most importantly, you make it clear by your taking it personally and being hyper sensitive that you totally DO understand what I AM saying and know I am correct, which is why you attempt to build a straw man and claim I am saying things I have not said. Again, the OP presented a BDSM view of why the lifestyle and BDSM are "at odds", I simply gave the Lifestyle perspective. Like it of not Jason, no matter how purist YOUR intentions may be, as I have accurately pointed out many prominent people within your scene are con artists, bullshitters, and frauds (Even YOU don't dare deny it) If you are not among them, your beef is with THEM Jason, not me.

Aside from that, I simply gave you a truthful, accurate view of what the scene looks like to many of those outside it, and even provided published commentary which supports my prospective. You may not agree, you might take offense, but it is what it is. What you claim to find hot and erotic, looks like a role playing board game to others, who find it way to rehearsed and too close to comic book store pseudo wisdom to be arousing.

I am not the first, and by far not the only person to feel this way. The fact is, my views represent the majority of those in the lifestyle. I am just the one with enough integrity to tell the truth about it....like I said, you should be grateful.

Rosemont IL
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PP I was not involved in the event you describe, but you were very willing and able to assume that I was. And you seem to want to assume all bdsm players are like those that you've encountered. It was as if I said you are the prime example of all swingers, and we know you aren't. To stereotype either lifestyle by a very small subset of those players is not useful to either group. You persist in trying to show us what is wrong with out lifestyle and this only shows us how little you know about it. Again it puzzles me why you care what we do and why you seem so determined to prove why your perspective is the only valid point of view.

For those following this thread. I just returned from one of the premier bdsm events in the world. Shibaricon is a weekend event for those who love rope bondage. It is a world class event for people from around the world who share a common interest in all things related to rope. Unlike PP's experience in Chicago, it was a weekend of learning and positive mutual experiences. I encourage those swingers who are interested in bdsm to look into these events and see if they might be right for you. As for me I prefer bdsm events to swinger events. There are many that go on around the country and the world. If you want to learn about bdsm events in your area search online for thebdsmeventspage dot c*m and or fetlife dot c*m for people, groups and events in your area.

If you want to learn more about bdsm, let me know and I will send you an invite to my newsletter "BDSM + Swing = More Fun. I will also answer questions you may have. Send them via the mail feature.

As for this thread, I have had my fill of this particular debate. I won't be responding to any more posts by PP. They seem to go nowhere and we are not going to change each others perspective so I am moving on to something more productive. You have all heard enough to make up your own minds.

Best wishes.

Green Bay WI
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Jason...I am most definitely not confused about who you are, as I said, we have met briefly and spoken in the past Actually I didn't know if you were an associate of "Z" or not, but I mention him because i would hope even YOU would agree that if the scene has a PR problem, (and if it doesn't, what was the point of the OP?) it is people like him who are part of your problem. He touted himself as a "Master" and the sage of the BDSM Scene in the area, and then put together events which were nothing more than C grade gang bangs where he offered his "subs" up to any jagoff willing to pay the $80 admission fee. If you weren't invited or you didn't know about the great Chicago/Stateline/Wisconsin BDSM/Swing Club powwow of 2010, not to worry, you didn't miss much. It was without a doubt the worst prepared, worst presented, most long winded crock of bullshit Ms Perks, myself and the other club owners ever had the displeasure of sitting through....and like I said, whenever any of us raised a question or concern, the answer came back the same "If you knew how much money you could make, your wouldn't worry about that" That's what the sacred bond between sub and Dom came down to...money. Again, the OP was about why the BDSM scene and the lifestyle seem to be at odds...it gave the BDSM prospective, I am just giving the lifestyle prospective

Rosemont IL
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PP I never pitched you any business or to anyone else, so I don't know what you are referring. Why do you keep mentioning Howie? I have never had any association with him. Maybe you have me confused with someone else.

Green Bay WI
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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds