Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds: Swingers Discussion 200666101

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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds

Created by: TheGhost_and_MrsMuir Original Starting post for this thread:
In my opinion, to this day the best BDSM 'groups' are underground and do not advertise anywhere. You find out about them if you happen to meet someone involved that likes what you bring (read that usually as experience AND exceptional attitude) and invites you to visit with them. At some point you may be invited to the core group as well. In this, the community hasn't changed all that much since the 70's. These are just small groups of friends for the most part that have more trust between them than a swinging group normally would and keep their raks very close, even family-like. This takes time and a certain grace as in any social situation but the rewards, though slow to accrue, are well worth it. In today's instant gratification society this is a natural filter for these groups to the bullshitters and bad attitudes, and tends to simply reject them by exclusion. Those in that social group often have better places to share their kink/knowledge/playtime and thus even if you DO meet them in the same places/websites/clubs/etc as swingers, you may not know they are interested in bdsm beyond simple bedroom play. Also, due to the higher drama rates in the swing community vs the bdsm community, outing oneself as into serious 'play' pass-times can be a multi-edged tool. It can be fun to talk with newbies and offer grounded opinions, but it can also attract a difficult element of drama, forum queens, One Twue Way (TM) proselytizers and frustration of having to function in unmoderated spaces where trolls are allowed, nay encouraged, to begin flame wars over the most minute ideological differences. So, what's left for sites such as SLS, aff or alt in my opinion are the fringes. The newbies. The misfits and outcasts...and of course the slummers...lol. I freely admit to being every one of those at some point... Which one are you?

Created by: TheGhost_and_MrsMuir
Original Starting post for this thread:

In my opinion, to this day the best BDSM 'groups' are underground and do not advertise anywhere.  You find out about them if you happen to meet someone involved that likes what you bring (read that usually as experience AND exceptional attitude) and invites you to visit with them.  At some point you may be invited to the core group as well.  In this, the community hasn't changed all that much since the 70's.   These are just small groups of friends for the most part that have more trust between them than a swinging group normally would and keep their raks very close, even family-like.  This takes time and a certain grace as in any social situation but the rewards, though slow to accrue, are well worth it.

In today's instant gratification society this is a natural filter for these groups to the bullshitters and bad attitudes, and tends to simply reject them by exclusion.  Those in that social group often have better places to share their kink/knowledge/playtime and thus even if you DO meet them in the same places/websites/clubs/etc as swingers, you may not know they are interested in bdsm beyond simple bedroom play.  Also, due to the higher drama rates in the swing community vs the bdsm community, outing oneself as into serious 'play' pass-times can be a multi-edged tool. 

 It can be fun to talk with newbies and offer grounded opinions, but it can also attract a difficult element of drama, forum queens, One Twue Way (TM) proselytizers  and frustration of having to function in unmoderated spaces where trolls are allowed, nay encouraged, to begin flame wars over the most minute ideological differences.

So, what's left for sites such as SLS, aff or alt in my opinion are the fringes.  The newbies.  The misfits and outcasts...and of course the slummers...lol.

I freely admit to being every one of those at some point...

Which one are you?

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User Details are only visible to members.	lost_j1 ...you say "red' because that is what you agreed to...fine. The rest of the world says no, stop, I need a break, I tap out, etc etc etc and we don't need to collar anyone, have a list of rules and sacraments larger than that of the catholic church, or use CAPITAL and lower case letters to do it. Why is it you are so defensive about this? This is your thing...fine. Like I said, I don't buy the flowery rhetoric you folks use to describe what you do, and that's OK, I don't have to. Just don't think "I don't get it" because you would be wrong, I do, but just because I "get" Dogma (and make no mistake, that is exactly what it is) doesn't mean I believe it. There is a good rule of thumb in life, anytime you find yourself parroting buzz words and verbally running down canned defenses for your actions, you MAY be being had. Yes, there is a little of that in the Lifestyle, but personally, I go to bar meets not "munches" I go out for a few drinks, not "sloshes" We don't top from the bottom, bottom from the top, we have sex and enjoy each other, and the only "assignments" I give my playmates is to hurry back to see us again some time soon. Frankly, what you folks do is too much work, too much to remember and the 500 pages of rules and mandatory code speak preclude any real spontaneity. To be honest, you folks really should just admit that some of you find it sexy to simulate being abused and and some of you have rape, torture and abductor fantasies...just be honest
Elk Grove Village IL			Username hidden (2597 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	I just do not understand why people cannot disagree, or admit to not understanding...in a polite way. I don't get the hard part of saying I may not do things like you and may not agree...but you have the right to have your differing opinion. Anyways. Yes, PP, sometimes people do not understand "no". Yes, I could say no. I say red so there is no way my intention is mis-understood. No, there is no difference between saying no and red. Why do we do this then? Because we choose to.
San Marcos TX			Username hidden (23660 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	You might wonder why no one seems disposed to engage you in discussion of your points. thats because alot of people have him blocked so we dont have to see the crap he posts.
Philadelphia PA			Username hidden (1419 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Seems the security guard at one of PP parties had a hard time keeping his hands off a guest and didn't understand the word no "My fiance and I just wanted to go someplace where we could have people watch us. We thought this would be a great venue group because they have a system with a bracelet that tells other people at the party you're to be watched and not touched. Yeah, nobody pays attention to it, not even one of the guys involved in security." I guess not everyone respects the word NO Mrs Sav
Weaver AL			Username hidden (4084 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Except I do "get it" Jason Just because I don't buy the rhetoric doesn't mean I don't "get it" I know full well the story of how "The sub is in control" because if they ask you to stop you will,,,,ummm....do you know a lot of people who won't stop when asked to?
Elk Grove Village IL			Username hidden (2597 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Jason, "I learned long ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it." - George Bernard Shaw
Kitty Hawk NC			Username hidden (157 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	PP The fact that you see no difference, does not mean there is no difference between safe words in bdsm and stop in everyday life. The fact that you see no difference is simply your inability to make distinctions about what is and what is not bdsm. The fact that you don't really get bdsm automatically disqualifies you from being a valid critic. You simply posit a point and then challenge others to prove you wrong. Sorry, the obligation is on you to make and validate your points. You might wonder why no one seems disposed to engage you in discussion of your points. Because your posts seem so pointless for those who are actively engaged in bdsm.
Green Bay WI			Username hidden (85 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Actually Jason they are very well articulated, and if you are provoked by my opinion and the logic behind it, that is outside my control I simply pointed out there is no difference, be it in moral, ethical or legal terms, between a "safe word" in the scene and a simple "stop" or "no" in the real world. If you disagree and can tell me why, by all means do so.
Elk Grove Village IL			Username hidden (2597 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	Hah! You should check out this no neck's posting history. He's an "expert" at everything and is detested by the entire forum. 50%+ of the active forum participants have this harasser blocked so that they don't have to be subjected to his vitriol.
Colts Neck NJ			Username hidden (12277 post)

User Details are only visible to members.	PP You spend so much energy trying to seem smart but you only reveal that your humble opinion is anything but humble. Your points are not very well articulated and they have an air of condescension. That makes you seem like more of a provocateur than a positive contributor to the forum. IMHO.
Green Bay WI			Username hidden (85 post)

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TOPIC: Maybe this is why bdsm and swinging seems at odds

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