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Is it pain : Swingers Discussion 39513
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TOPIC: Is it pain
Created by: mischiefnyou
Original Starting post for this thread:
More correctly is it JUST pain? The obvious answer is no. If it were just pain most of the receivers wouldn’t do it. I prefer to call it stimulus. I’m stimulating a lady’s nerve endings. What is really going is the generation of a neurochemical soup. Layman’s terms=high, stoned, a buzz.

This soup is a wonderful brew. It borders on a good ecstasy trip. There is one exception. No serotonin nerve damage. I think this soup consists of Sex hormones=horny. Adrenaline=excitement, fear, anticipation, exposure, risk Endorphins=euphoria...The runner’s high hormone. And probably a host of others.

It’s relaxing to allow another total control. It’s relaxing to have your mind cleared of all RT noise. It balances the psyche to get your ass kicked if you generally do all the ass kicking.

Yes it’s pain, but only for a short while. It is rapidly transmuted into something else.

I’ve been very lucky that it’s not addictive. I’ve been lucky I’m not addicted to the only man I’ve found who can pull that trigger. Both roles service a deep need within me. I don’t care where those needs come from.

It's also attention. When topping the bottom has my FULL, UNDIVIDED, attention. I am hyper focused on their needs, limits, behavior, responses, verbal/nonverbal ques. The bottom gets attention + chemical soup. It's very powerful. That why some folks go so far out on a limb to get it.

The top get the power rush of having control over another. I get a rush from wielding a knife cleanly. It feels very powerful to run an extremely sharp blade over skin and not break it.

It cuts (pun intended) both way. Bottom gets attention, chemical high. Top gets chemical high, and power. Power is the most addictive drug.

Bifem_Top

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There are many reasons why people enjoy BDSM play. I do believe many of them were abused, absolutely. There are a lot of damaged people in the BDSM scene who have a sexuality warped by abuse or just very low self esteem. There are also perfectly "normal" perverts like me who have only themselves to blame, LOL. I have no fucking idea why being tied up and beaten makes my pussy run like a river. Nor do I know why it sometimes turns me on to do something similar to someone else. I know this kind of play messes with dark currents in the psyche, though, and that it needs to be done carefully to ensure that both parties are getting something they want and neither is getting hurt in a bad way.

Some people want to feel pain as pain. It either turns them on sexually, or they just want it because it feeds something in their psychological makeup. Sometimes this borders on the pathological, but that's a hard call to make.

I think most bottoms are like me, however, as far as pain goes. If it is done skillfully, with a warmup and the right mental atmospherics, most of what happens feels more like pleasure than like pain, due to the magic of neurotransmitter overload. A few strokes here and there should go past the edge of what is pleasurable to punctuate the experience and remind me that I've submitted to the top, but it should never go TOO far past that edge.

As a top, I'm getting off on being in control and on the reaction I'm getting. Inflicting pain in itself does not turn me on at all.

For those who are aroused by inflicting pain, I would hope most want to do it to someone who wants it done. Sadists who relish inflicting pain on the unwilling and feel no remorse about what they do are commonly known as psychopaths. Someone who has those tendencies but is not a defective person willing to feed his appetite at others' expense can get a taste of it by playing with bottoms who like to have their limits pushed, or enjoy what I think of as "actual pain," or even bottoms who like to pretend it hurts more than it does.

The erotic dark arts are rendered in shades of gray.

Springfield VA
 
 
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azands:

Touche'

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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Totally agree that Tops/Dominants play chess. My Mentor was a master at it. He earned my respect/submission because he planned each group of moves. He is a powerful mental sadist. He grabbed me in a swing club one night. The dance just ended 3 years later.

I must know what my goal is. Does this person (sub/bottom) have the ability to go there? Do I know them well enough to plan properly? Like chess; one must assess, plan, react to a series of actions, responses, and if problems arise end it.

It is also on MY terms that we play. I refuse to play with SAMS and the like.

Here's where the difference in styles lies. I fully subscribe to the following ideas.

My "job" as a top/dominant is to mirror back the power that the submissive gives. I only have as much power as is given. That's all I need.

I put that power into my scene (chess game) and provide various stimulus (mental, physical) custom fit to that submissive, at that time/place.

I love to stroll along their line. Staying just under their safe word. Topsville is about CONTROL OF THE POWER. Executing the plan with learned skills, knowledge (of sub/tools), adapting as needed.

The submissive must be of equal power. They are not weak. They are the mirror of the dominant. Ying-Yang. They dance. As the bonding deepens the dance becomes stronger, more "out there", until it reaches the limits of the pair.

The difference is..It's about US not ME. I am not a service top. I play with the few who rate. I relish the submission of strong women. Why hang a mouse head on the wall?

Bifem_top "The real deal is the Power of controlling the Power."

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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Three moves in advance huh???... lol Many opening variations have been explored extensively 50, 60, 70 moves with explotations of any deviations being understood and learned. Must be the difference between a talented amateur and mastery.

(I like metaphors too)

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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Are not preparation, intelligence, logic, and spacial concepts all skills? And amazingly it has been shown that those possessing the skill set often succeed equally well in other games forms, as blitz chess, bridge, backgammon, or even poker.

Metaphors need universality to be helpful.

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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You had me until chess was just not a game of skill. (One who memoried the MCO and ECO to help attain one of his Master titles)

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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It' s not the sadism I take issue with in Poly's posts. It's the selfishness.

What poly fails to mention is obvious. If I beat someone to a pulp, without paying attention to their needs, several things are likely to happen:

-The play will end too soon because they safe word out. -They won't come back. -They will file charges.

Poly comes across brutal, & selfish. She fails to mention the reality. She must adjust her play to the bottom. She must pay attention to where the bottom is. In fact, she does. She makes sure they are not in subspace. The bottom is in fact getting her attention.

Regarding the "bending" of will. The bottom is submitting to brutality. It's not bending. The payback for the bottom is the physical pain and attention..

Physical pain is often used as a medication for psychologic pain. Psychologic pain is more easily dealt with when transmuted to the physical. This type of BDSM resembles the cutting behavior of abuse victims.

Abuse victims are attracted to brutality. It's what they know. It resembles the "love" they received in the abusive environment. I suspect folks that bend to this kind of dominant are abuse victims.

They would have the poor boundaries, self worth, and lack the self protection mechanisms desired by a selfish, brutal, Top.

New folks should be extremely careful who they play with. Watching someone play gives a good indication of what they would be like.

BiFem_Top

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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Play nice guys, you're talking apples and oranges. The motivations for the BDSM arts are as varied as the practitioners. I am a sadist light, working in illusion, pain with purpose, the control of flight and experience, a mental game with physical overtones. My best friend (evil twin) is a pure sadist, he hurts for the sake of hurting, a physical game.

We both attract a different type of bottom. We both have a high degree of mastery in what we do. We have learned to respect each others skill set without competing to see who is the top alpha male. He already knows he is, and I know I am....lol.

Phoenix AZ
 
 
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More correctly is it JUST pain? The obvious answer is no. If it were just pain most of the receivers wouldn’t do it. I prefer to call it stimulus. I’m stimulating a lady’s nerve endings. What is really going is the generation of a neurochemical soup. Layman’s terms=high, stoned, a buzz.

This soup is a wonderful brew. It borders on a good ecstasy trip. There is one exception. No serotonin nerve damage. I think this soup consists of Sex hormones=horny. Adrenaline=excitement, fear, anticipation, exposure, risk Endorphins=euphoria...The runner’s high hormone. And probably a host of others.

It’s relaxing to allow another total control. It’s relaxing to have your mind cleared of all RT noise. It balances the psyche to get your ass kicked if you generally do all the ass kicking.

Yes it’s pain, but only for a short while. It is rapidly transmuted into something else.

I’ve been very lucky that it’s not addictive. I’ve been lucky I’m not addicted to the only man I’ve found who can pull that trigger. Both roles service a deep need within me. I don’t care where those needs come from.

It's also attention. When topping the bottom has my FULL, UNDIVIDED, attention. I am hyper focused on their needs, limits, behavior, responses, verbal/nonverbal ques. The bottom gets attention + chemical soup. It's very powerful. That why some folks go so far out on a limb to get it.

The top get the power rush of having control over another. I get a rush from wielding a knife cleanly. It feels very powerful to run an extremely sharp blade over skin and not break it.

It cuts (pun intended) both way. Bottom gets attention, chemical high. Top gets chemical high, and power. Power is the most addictive drug.

Bifem_Top

Glen Burnie MD
 
 
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TOPIC: Is it pain