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Her Submissive Desires : Swingers Discussion 2138251011
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TOPIC: Her Submissive Desires
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Part 2 of 2

"You are either dominant, or you are not. Dominant is not a trait, it's a personality, it's how a person carries themselves, thinks, interacts, decides, every single day. A dominant

does not have a switch that can be turned off or on. It's either there, or it isn't". One can certainly be a dominant and be an asshole, or an abuser, etc. Being a dominant

personality does not create a successful dominant. It takes skill, perception, practice, study and all of the training that can take one from being a novice with little or no skill, to a

dominant with discernment and power. These traits do not occur naturally in most dominants.

"And that is precisely why there is so much of what is known as fluff BDSM, feel free to carry on." It is so easy to be judgmental when one is sure they know the only real path.

"I would never offer my services to mentor anyone, some things can not be learned nor taught. They come from the gut, from who you are, not from what you what you imagine

yourself to be." Have you never learned from others or taught others? If not, you are missing a great deal.

"Dominance like submission, comes from within, a personality trait. It's how you live, it's how you think, it's how you function every moment of your life. It isn't a feature that you can

turn on and off" Do you turn off your dominance when you submit? If not, where does it go?

"You can not, I repeat, CAN NOT learn dominance through *training* " You can learn to be dominant, if you are so inclined. Athletes, musicians, and successful people in every

profession, learn how to be successful. They may have aptitude, and they may have wonderful natural ability, but without training they will never be successful. Dominant

personalities can also be huge pains. And not in a good way.

"One simply cannot be whom they are not! " Then how can one be submissive if they are 100% dominant?

"You can not train a personality type into someone." Maybe not, but an untrained personality is also not likely to be successful.

Green Bay WI
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We do not "play" with others when it comes to SM, unless we know them and they us well enough to build enough trust where safewords aren't required.

As to dominance, we are both dominant ALL the time.

Allenhurst NJ
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* Life and play are never really clarified. *

That is because for some, it's just life, it's not play. It is how we live, how we interact, how we do things, how we communicate, even when we're what others refer to as, playing!

Allenhurst NJ
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Sweethart, I understand your comments. I am submissive by nature, but by no means in my relationship with my husband am I weak willed or mousy. Because he IS dominant, and LOVES me truly, he brings out my very strong willed side and loves it about me. We argue. I no longer have to back down to anyone (as I did in a controlling childhood and an abusive marriage). I think someone did mention the right kind of Dominant person. The one who doesn't use it to control or oppress, but instead to bring out the very things that others tried and failed to repress. Will. Wit. Intelligence. Capabilities. Independence. Dreams to fulfill.

Because I am confident and comfortable that I have a safe place within his arms to fall, I am so very free to be myself. Finally in my life I can be Me. And he is supportive, caring, loving, and doesn't let me get back into my former head that was told I couldn't play sports, was told to shut up, was told I wasn't good enough in almost every aspect. Because D knows and loves me, he is encouraging. Because he is truly dominant and confident and doesn't not ever feel insecure or threatened by anything I succeed at, he cheers me on. My nature is to automatically feel like shit with any mistake or failure. His will is to bend mine to believe otherwise. to believe in myself. And when I get in my head and start to play those old abusive "tapes," all he has to do now is say, "Gina, stop."

I hope that makes sense. It does to me.

San Antonio TX
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It has been said by many, "the bottom is always in control of the scene by having the ultimate right to stop it..." but this logic has a big blind side. A top has exactly the same right to stop the scene. Both sides have the same right. The reality that either can stop the session has nothing to do with who is in control.

Pismo Beach CA
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Submission is certainly a choice. No one submits without choosing to do so. Submission is not necessarily coercion. It can and should be totally voluntary. In either case, the submissive is yielding consensually.

Here is one definition of submission. The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Accepting and yielding are choices of the submissive that are freely given to the dominant.

Green Bay WI
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Only in relationships where the dominant partner isn't really a dominant, but more of a top. Submission isn't a choice, it's a natural response to successful dominance.

Allenhurst NJ
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The submissive person is truly in control in a safe situation... The sub "gives" control away it's ultimately their decision.

Woodbridge NJ
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Hello DEF... I have sent you invitations to our group and our newsletter - BDSM + Swing = More Fun. I would appreciate any comments or suggestions you would care to make. It is geared for the beginners and curious. Good Luck and Best Wishes for 2013

Green Bay WI
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Jason685, I would be interested in your group and information on the reading material you might recommend.

Len

Middletown DE
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TOPIC: Her Submissive Desires