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Her Submissive Desires : Swingers Discussion 2138251021
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TOPIC: Her Submissive Desires
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I dont feel true dominance can be learned. I feel its something your born with. The feel of the hand in someone who is trying to learn is a turn off, I will stick with the born doms. Your mileage may vary , just my own experience.

Spring TX
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@DominantManInSanJose wrote: "If he does not want to or cannot help you explore the next step would be to see if he is ok with you exploring your submissive desires with someone else. He can certainly be there, maybe he does not want to be. How much he is involved is up to the two of you to decide.

I have some experience along these lines... the D/s aspect in these relationships has tended to be exclusive to the sessions. Outside the session she is not my submissive. What we do is about sex and pain and pleasure. I'd say its more about the kind of sex she needs over a desire to submit in a 24/7 relationship sense.

One experience I had taught me a lot. A swinger couple on sls emailed us and asked me to "dom" his wife. (What he meant was do bdsm with her.) He had tried using a flogger on her and acting domly, but it wasn't working for him or her. Their profile looked good, so I agreed to talk on the phone. There really seemed the potential for a great connection, so we set up a meet.

Her husband enjoyed playing with my jewel, and I had a wonderful session with her. She was amazing. It was very easy - like breathing - to go deep with her. She wanted to be my sub. After several months (her husband was there each time we were together) she wanted to become my slave. (They both were well aquainted with our M/s household and my relationship with my two girls. He was fine with that, and with our budding relationship, and I promised him that he had the ultimate say about how we proceed.

Problem was, I could see the day was coming when she would be all in with me, hooked, and her husband would no longer have any say. I told him so. We were all saying we wanted to explore poly as a foursome, but I was very concerned about things with his wife and I only going forward with his permission and approval.

After several months of everything being fine, he had second thoughts. He asked me to end my M/s explorations with his wife. I honored my committment to him, and did so. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.

I've had other relationships with married women that have turned out far better emotionally. One thing I learned was to not get too close emotionally, treat it more like a swing buddy relationship (a nice theory but harder after you have been playing for years.)

We touch deep things inside, when we explore these things within each other. It goes to the core of our being. We cannot touch it and come away unaffectted, unchanged. It opens doors within us.

Pismo Beach CA
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Submission also occurs when one willingly yields to another. Bending the will is not a requirement. Style, degree and intensity of submission depends on many variables and everyone is free and encouraged to discover their own particular flavor. Some like it intense and edgy and others may prefer a loving and gentle relationship such as in a Christian d/s family. Others will find their sweet spot somewhere in the middle.

D/s relationships can be challenging because there are so many variables and levels of intensity. I believe that we should all be comfortable with our own style. If it is SSC (safe, sane and consensual) or RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) then feel free to develop as you wish.

Green Bay WI
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We have used several venues that allow her to experience submission.

BDSM weekend events - These are usually weekend events that are held all over the country throughout the year. We have found these a great venue for mixing with and meeting others. You should be able to find others who would love to play with your submissive. Classes during the day and play time at night.

Local Munches - These are local meet and greet events that serves to bring interested people together who usually reside in the area.

Fetlife dot c*m - This is a free website for kinksters. It is the one website that is not commercial but exists to serve the bdsm community. Here you can identify groups, topics and individuals that may be of interest to you. Like all social websites you need to use caution and discernment when meeting others. However most of most active kinksters can be found on fetlife.

KinkAcademy dot c*m - This is a paid site ($10 per month) that produces 4 educational videos each week. The topics are presented by the most well known bdsm educators and cover all topics related to bdsm activities. It is the only paid site that I have maintained my membership. I have found it of great value.

Books - Many books can help you explore your domination and submission. My favorites are for beginners are: Screw the Roses - Send Me the Thorns How to Be Kinky and How to Be Kinkier There are many others that are geared for dominants and other that are geared for submissives. Let me know if you would like some title recommendations.

Personal Option - I maintain a group and a newsletter here on SLS called BDSM +Swing = More Fun. I have 11 issues that are geared for beginners and the curious. Let me know if you would like an invitation to either.

Green Bay WI
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Submission occurs when the will bends :)

Allenhurst NJ
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submission does not equal wilt ;).

Allenhurst NJ
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Sweettart, you make a valid point that hits home in that in most cases, when I've played the submissive, I have indeed still been in charge. Topping from the bottom is the phrase that was used.

It's rare for me to let go of my non-submissive (demanding alpha) traits. If a man can't correctly use (or spell) the words dominant, dominants, and dominance, well.... right away I could never submit. Bad breath? Forget about it. There's a rare combination of sexual attraction and intelligence and not being a prick that seems so hard to find in a playmate for me.

Newark DE
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Wow it's a regular handywoman fest tonight! Another nail!

That's exactly how I felt in past encounters with a true dominant... There was no choice as to if I was going to submit, I was. And it's THAT feeling that I'd like to have again. I'm lucky that Mr. Favorite is supportive in this even tho it's not his cuppa, now it's just becoming a question of how.

Thanks!

Newark DE
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*Favorite, i don't think as a dominant female you will every really be able to experance full submission, you may be able to experance acts that resemble submission, but it will only be because you gave permission.*

Not true at all :).

When I'm dominated successfully, I have no other choice but to submit, I'm just not a submissive :)

Allenhurst NJ
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Pervy, you hit the nail on the head. Mr Favorite doesn't WANT to be dominant in the bedroom but is willing to help me fulfill my desire for this type of play. That being said, we're at a loss as to how to make it feel "real", and not so much like a scene from a bad porno.

He's come a long way from the "bdsm means hitting someone" days when we first met but I don't think his developing a sexually dominant personality is in the cards. I can't remember who posted the suggestion, but I think attending a munch or 101 type class might be our next step. Or at least be a helpful venue in which to find someone to join us in the scenario I desire.

Newark DE
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TOPIC: Her Submissive Desires