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TOPIC: Ha!
Created by: Boyzontheside
Original Starting post for this thread:
I find it funny (ok, being a bit synical (sp?)... that this D/s thing is so prominent but on the forums, no one talks for days. Or months. Me and hubby have a basic 1950s relationship. He is the man so he works and brings home the bacon. I work part time for him in his office and take care of our home and him. Our kids ( no, they're not privy to the REAL us - gotta maintain in the real world ) watch me do things for him that they would never dream of doing for their boyfriends. Too modern and liberal I guess lol. Any way, I'm his personal slut/whore and when we can pursue it, we do it with the utmost hopes. Lately SLS has hosted a lot of guys that sit in mommy's basement and back out last minute. Any suggestions?

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Green Bay WI
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It's best to do the initial meeting/greeting of ANY online persona in a public venue. It matters not if they are claiming to be swingers, dominants, submissives, sadists or masochists.....they are still STRANGERS.

Mrs. Uriah

Memphis TN
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"Tell them you both will meet them in public for a social meeting only, after which there will be no play. If you like them, you'll invite them to play another time. No one who isn't serious about playing will accept this invitation"

Very good advice. This is sort of a standard thing in the BDSM world so if he acts like this is some big odd thing you're doing, then he's not serious.

Minneapolis MN
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Here are a few adds to Ghost's fine list. And it's worth mentioning that these apply to dommes and male subs as well. He will ask about your limits. If you don't know what limits are in general, or don't have any idea what your specific limits are, this will be the start of a LONG discussion.

He will ask about your health, everything from a bad back and a trick knee to hypoglycemia. Anything, from small to large, may be very important in a session.

He will ask about your experience and what you like and dislike. While he may include in a session things you dislike if they're within your limits and exclude things you do like, he should be interested in what those things are.

If you're new, he should explain what topping from the bottom is and what will happen if you try to do that.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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A few key ways to recognize a dominant male of quality:

Before you ever meet......

He won't be rude or crude but he could be suggestive once he knows you a bit.

He will take rejection extremely well and with grace.

He won't be over-eager but he will always be completely engaged when he chats or talks with you.

He will ask a lot of probing personal questions, of both of you. He wants to know that YOU are up to HIS involvement.

He will ask to 'speak' with your husband early on.

He will be able to explain in detail anything he suggests for play and why he's suggesting it for your playtime.

He will have his own toys and they'll be the best you can buy or made by him personally.

When you begin play he will ask to see your toys and most likely those will be the ones he uses on you at first as they are the ones that YOU are comfortable with. This will not apply to any they HE is not comfortable or familiar with.

These aren't hard and fast 'rules' but the general 'feel' of this kind of person is similar wherever you find him. He's interested but not drooling. He's dominant but not rude or pushy. He's erotic in thought and word but not crude in conversation.

Best of luck finding what you seek....

East Fishkill NY
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I think you've touched on an important point. This isn't a BDSM site, and very few people understand the power exchange and why people enjoy BDSM.

Most males here understand being dominant as being able to tell other people to do what the "dominant" wants. A g-rated example would be, "I'm going to watch the football game. Silently bring me chips, dip, and beer every quarter and don't bother me otherwise."

When it is explained to them that "you may be dominant, but you're not MY dominant, so don't tell me what to do," and that if either the sub or dom isn't satisfied with a session, it's the dom's fault, they back out. If you ask them what they know about techniques, safety, and equipment, they realize they know nothing and back out.

So you're looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack here -- a "dominant" who really is one. When it becomes clear to the wannabees that more will be required of them than the chips, dip, and beer order, they bail.

So add to my list a new number which is close screening of anyone who tells you he is dominant. Find out what equipment he favors, what things he does (and doesn't do!), and what his rules are for safety. If he doesn't answer to your (or you're dom's) satisfaction, don't invite for a social meeting.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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Thanks for that info. Much appreciated. I do want to say that regarding #4, I do actually have on my profile that the first meeting is ONLY a meet and greet. I list the rules that we play by also. A few guys I've chatted with have actually agreed to meet us and have backed out last minute (with the most long, drawn out excuses - LOL). Oh well. Live and learn I suppose. I was thinking that a lot of guys would be into the D/s thing but they seem to be scared to actually meet us. Maybe our profile is too harsh/weird???


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Welcome to the forums!

Since your post has virtually nothing to do with BDSM or Domination/Submission, let me offer some suggestions about how to find single men who don't show up for play dates.

Lots of people on this site (and any similar site) are here to fantasize only. Many of the "single" guys are married or in relationships and either can't play or would have to cheat on their partner to do so. It's fun for them to make the conquest by getting an invitation to play with you, and that's the Game Over point for them.

Here's how you can separate the fantasizers from those who actually want to play:

1) If they have a free account, they're not committed. They're just here checking it out. The longer they've been free members, the less likely they are to actually meet. That's not to say that ALL free members are this way, but if you're playing the odds, free members are bad bets.

2) If they want to see X-rated pics or cam with you immediately, their primary interest isn't actually meeting.

3) If meeting you requires a long trip on their part, don't expect a meeting. Sure, some will make the trip, but most people looking for meetings concentrate on others in their area.

4) Here's the best test. Tell them you both will meet them in public for a social meeting only, after which there will be no play. If you like them, you'll invite them to play another time. No one who isn't serious about playing will accept this invitation, and even the ones who are just horny and looking for anyone at all will have to convince themselves they can change your mind at the coffee shop, restaurant, etc. Tell him that it's an iron clad rule for you, even if it isn't.

5) Finally, don't try to make the future date (if after meeting him you decide you want one) in person at the social meeting. People have a hard time rejecting others in person, so any promises made then aren't worth anything.

As others would tell you, a good way to meet single males is to go to a house party, meet-and-greet, or other event where single males are welcome. By showing up at one of those, they're clearly interest in playing with someone.

ST

Kitty Hawk NC
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I find it funny (ok, being a bit synical (sp?)... that this D/s thing is so prominent but on the forums, no one talks for days. Or months. Me and hubby have a basic 1950s relationship. He is the man so he works and brings home the bacon. I work part time for him in his office and take care of our home and him. Our kids ( no, they're not privy to the REAL us - gotta maintain in the real world ) watch me do things for him that they would never dream of doing for their boyfriends. Too modern and liberal I guess lol. Any way, I'm his personal slut/whore and when we can pursue it, we do it with the utmost hopes. Lately SLS has hosted a lot of guys that sit in mommy's basement and back out last minute. Any suggestions?


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TOPIC: Ha!