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Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM : Swingers Discussion 1927091031
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TOPIC: Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM
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"The sub DOES have something to say about the play. If Kat is with me she doesn't have to say anything because I've known her for 30 years."

Starry,

Last week, in the same scene, a strange girl got pushy with Terri while I was nearby. I looked over and watched, but she seemed OK, and did not use her safe word. Later I found out that she was indeed uncomfortable and asked her to stop, she didn't. The 'new friend' I mentioned before resolved the situation gently but firmly once he knew what was going on.

Two days later I decided to 'test' her safe word. Basically I just fucked her incredibly hard, past where I KNEW she was 'done'. She failed to use her safe word. She DID keep telling me "I'm done" (I usually drop her on the bed and say "you're done" when I know she has had enough ;) but it was NOT her safe word. I believe she got close to tears before I relented and let her go. As I was holding her coming out of 'subspace' I asked her if she knew why I did that. She didn't. I explained that she had forgotten the word and she said she did not think she needed to use it with ME. I have to admit to 'spoiling' her up to this point as she is very very new to this, but now she has a 'date' of when the kids are all out of the house for college in August as the time when she will be in a more 'structured' D/s relationship. Anyway, I digress... I tested her again a few days later, in a different way, and she failed to use it again. This time she got marks.... I will test her again. It's IMPERATIVE that a safe word is as automatic as breathing if you are going to play with others in ANY way.

So yes, what you say really IS true....BUT, you may want to rethink the process, not only to play with others, but if you think you will be truly pushing her limits.

Peace

East Fishkill NY
 
 
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"When we play we don't even think about it as who is the D and who is the S We think about it as ooo it's my turn to be to receiver of pleasure tonight and you get to be the giver."

So you understand a better 'description' of the two of you would be 'kinkster', right? D/s is very specific. Top/bottom is very specific. Etc.

Probably make communication easier if other D/s couples knew that (by calling yourselves 'kinksters' for instance?) and perhaps even save time and energy?

MHO only....

East Fishkill NY
 
 
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"After reading the last few post I now see why it is so difficult to mix bdsm with most swingers, It's not the physical play but the mental domination that turns most people (especially females)off."

I'm not sure I'm reading this right. The mental play turns you off? THAT is the very thing that turns us ON! So you are saying that you enjoy the physical play, but the mental play is a turn off?

Fascinating!

East Fishkill NY
 
 
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Hello Bilady33 I have sent you an invitation to our group and newsletter:BDSM + Swing = More Fun. We are in the Green Bay area if you are coming this way.

Green Bay WI
 
 
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We have found it hard to play with anyone let alone couples that enjoy BDSM. We are not hard core but we do or should I say she enjoys rough play and being submissive from time to time.

Presque Isle WI
 
 
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Hello Ghost I always appreciate when an experienced sub gives me a clue. I like it when communication leads to better, more satisfying play. Communication style from the sub can be very important. A respectful word or two from the submissive can help a new top move the scene forward. On the other hand, a SAM would just piss me off. I think situationally aware is a good descriptor.

Green Bay WI
 
 
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In the 'wow, I really trained her good' category:

In a swinging scene a few weeks ago. No actual Dom there but myself. MrsMuir is with a new friend. Later he tells me "she was telling me, harder, no there, yes" etc. He told me yesterday that he appreciated that, because he did not know her well and did not want to hurt her. This from a guy who is not a Dom, but IMHO could be a natural.

Though this DOES border on topping from the bottom, she is too new to actually know what that means, so I chose to look at it as being 'situationally aware'. Though now she knows....

East Fishkill NY
 
 
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Starrynights Well stated. A d/s couple with experience already knows the fine lines and limits. It is when playing with someone new that negotiation (communication) is imperative. Doms and subs should be on the same page. Safewords allow for experimentation with limits while give the sub the ability to communicate during play if needed. Significant other Dom should always be able to intercede if necessary. The goal between all parties should be that the scene go well and end well. You need to figure that out ahead of time if it is not already understood by the players.

Green Bay WI
 
 
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Correction in what Kat stated. The sub DOES have something to say about the play. If Kat is with me she doesn't have to say anything because I've known her for 30 years. But, as I push the limits, her input is necessary. If Kat were with another D it would be imperative that she express her needs, her likes and dislikes for a particular scene. If a sub does not render some kind of guidelines to the D the sub puts the D in a risky position. He/She could cause harm and ruin the scene. No sub should put a D i this position.

Pardon, while I go punish Kat for her post.

Morgantown PA
 
 
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I have found so many definitions of Dom, sub, switch...what I originally thought was the definition and my understanding is then challenged by yet another book or website. Could it be that everyone is right? Sweet, I fully agree with what you wrote. I feel there is a huge difference between those who only D/s during sex as opposed to those of us who live it (within reason) 24/7. But then, you read Jason's post: “Bdsm can be also only in the bedroom or can go all the way to 24/7. It's all good…”

I will be careful in the future to never judge others in the BDSM LS - what works for a couple, works. Because of this huge spectrum, however, we come right back to the OP, lol. I guess the word "compromise" will come in to play...not with selection of a couple to play with, but in the play, as to what is and is not acceptable. I'm so glad that's not my decision or responsibility :)

Kat

Morgantown PA
 
 
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TOPIC: Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM