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Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM : Swingers Discussion 1927091031
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TOPIC: Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM
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"When we play we don't even think about it as who is the D and who is the S We think about it as ooo it's my turn to be to receiver of pleasure tonight and you get to be the giver."

So you understand a better 'description' of the two of you would be 'kinkster', right? D/s is very specific. Top/bottom is very specific. Etc.

Probably make communication easier if other D/s couples knew that (by calling yourselves 'kinksters' for instance?) and perhaps even save time and energy?

MHO only....

East Fishkill NY
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"After reading the last few post I now see why it is so difficult to mix bdsm with most swingers, It's not the physical play but the mental domination that turns most people (especially females)off."

I'm not sure I'm reading this right. The mental play turns you off? THAT is the very thing that turns us ON! So you are saying that you enjoy the physical play, but the mental play is a turn off?

Fascinating!

East Fishkill NY
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Hello Bilady33 I have sent you an invitation to our group and newsletter:BDSM + Swing = More Fun. We are in the Green Bay area if you are coming this way.

Green Bay WI
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We have found it hard to play with anyone let alone couples that enjoy BDSM. We are not hard core but we do or should I say she enjoys rough play and being submissive from time to time.

Presque Isle WI
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Hello Ghost I always appreciate when an experienced sub gives me a clue. I like it when communication leads to better, more satisfying play. Communication style from the sub can be very important. A respectful word or two from the submissive can help a new top move the scene forward. On the other hand, a SAM would just piss me off. I think situationally aware is a good descriptor.

Green Bay WI
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In the 'wow, I really trained her good' category:

In a swinging scene a few weeks ago. No actual Dom there but myself. MrsMuir is with a new friend. Later he tells me "she was telling me, harder, no there, yes" etc. He told me yesterday that he appreciated that, because he did not know her well and did not want to hurt her. This from a guy who is not a Dom, but IMHO could be a natural.

Though this DOES border on topping from the bottom, she is too new to actually know what that means, so I chose to look at it as being 'situationally aware'. Though now she knows....

East Fishkill NY
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Starrynights Well stated. A d/s couple with experience already knows the fine lines and limits. It is when playing with someone new that negotiation (communication) is imperative. Doms and subs should be on the same page. Safewords allow for experimentation with limits while give the sub the ability to communicate during play if needed. Significant other Dom should always be able to intercede if necessary. The goal between all parties should be that the scene go well and end well. You need to figure that out ahead of time if it is not already understood by the players.

Green Bay WI
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Sweettart You express the confusion that so many have about bdsm. The essential part of bdsm is that you have one party who is dominant and in control and the other party is submissive and surrenders control. It is this psycho sexual dynamic that makes it d/s. If one can get that the dynamic between parties is what is important and not the intensity or style of play then one can build a relationship that works for both parties. The type of play is only the chosen manner in which to express the dominant/submissive dynamic. It can be as simple as a blindfold or spanking as this puts one person in control over another, or it can be as complex as the mind of man can conceive. And bdsm'ers can conceive of some crazy stuff. If people can understand it is they dynamic they are trying to reinforce then they can choose the tools, toys and styles of play that support that. Bdsm is not about doing things you don't like. It's about doing things that both of you like. Some people like topping from the bottom. Nothing wrong with that if both parties enjoy the scene. Bdsm can be also only in the bedroom or can go all the way to 24/7. It's all good, if you are following your bliss. Just keep your understanding of the dynamic you are trying to establish and try to find different ways to do that. Stick with what you enjoy. And let other's enjoy their kink. Even if you don't play like others, it is fun to watch. There is a lot of crazy shit I won't do, but I do like to see others taking their play to some extreme. It doesn't make me want to do it. I get to enjoy my own muse.

Green Bay WI
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I think we are on the same page. I use the term negotiation which may seem very formal but it is simply the process of making sure we are playing on the same page. It can be and is often very casual. When playing with new people it is usually the responsibility of the experienced players to lead and teach along the way. I don't mean to make it sound too ponderous. I just sometimes wonder how often it is the lack of communication that leads to poor outcomes.

Green Bay WI
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*chuckle*

I think we are actually on the same page here. I call it communication. In our 'swinging' lives it usually falls to myself to deal with this of course. MY goal is to accomplish all that in the course of conversation during chat and/or when we meet. All what we all do. At least what I feel we should all should do. It's usually a pretty amicable process. On the other hand I sometimes get the feeling from 'bdsm people' (whatever that is) that anything short of a written contract is somehow demeaning....lol. This is where I feel some of us lose 'perspective' when it comes to new meat ...um...er, I ,mean new PEOPLE from the swingers world having enough interest to reach out for more. Perhaps it's something as simple as the use of 'buzz words' and what they mean to each group? Or perhaps the different expectations each group comes to the table with is closer to the center of it?

Thoughts?

East Fishkill NY
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TOPIC: Difficult to find swingers who are also interested in BDSM