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Curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle : Swingers Discussion 171698101
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TOPIC: Curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle
Created by: Starz4Lynn The original post for this thread was deleted.
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love bdsm! any single ladies or couples into it in the new york area?

New York NY
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Some are committed to growing, learning, reaching their potentail. Others think they have nothing to learn from anyone, and are accountable to no one. Each person has to choose, based on their values, who they are and how they show up in the world.

I offer some wisdom from two men I very much respect:

"My Mastery has nothing to do with anything external from me. Yet, it has everything to do with how I show up as a person in relation to everything external to me." (Master David Cook)

"I cannot see how a M/s relationship, leather or not, can exist without integrity, honor, loyalty, love, etc. Mastery has its ethics and those qualities and others are fundamental to our dynamic." (Master Taino)

Pismo Beach CA
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NK, it's good seeing you guys!!

Center Valley PA
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Find you a sub who likes what you like, be upfront about your lack of experience and practice, practice, practice...

Going to parties are fun and you will learn a few things BUT just because someone has more experience doesn't mean they are better to learn from. I've met countless people over the years and many of them were pretty out there (crazy).

You can be a top without having a dominant personality. I know quite a few dominant personalities who haven't a clue about BDSM.

Pittsburgh PA
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In my view about dominance and submission is it is an orientation AND a skill set. It is both.

Be open to learning from others. Doesn't mean you will agree with everyone you hear or read, or do things the way they do, but be open to learning from people who are experienced, open and committed to growing. An inclination towards being dominant or submissive is essential, but without skills, and effort - working at it - that is where it stays: unrealized, latent, undeveloped.

There are good books out there, written by people who know what they talking about and are known in the community, with a lot of great information that can help you build your skills, and help you consider ideas you otherwise might never consider.

Pismo Beach CA
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My advice is first read up and educate yourself. Going to gatherings is great, but of course there will be a wide range of ideas and experience - just because someone is at a gathering doesn't mean they know what they are talking about. (You want to find people who are experienced, well known, and well respected who are willing to help you learn. Look for friendship and people who can mentor you - not people looking for play partners or who want to "teach" you by topping you.) Here's a reading list I'd suggest:

• Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon • The Loving Dominant by John Warren

• The Control Book by Peter Masters

• SM 101 by Jay Wiseman

• The Master's Manual: A Handbook of Erotic Dominance by Jack Rinella

Pismo Beach CA
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Find a local munch in your area and meet some of the people in your area that can point you in the right direction as far as events happening close to you.

Center Valley PA
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Starz ~ what is your interest in BDsM? What turns you on about it? I'm not asking to be combative (which sometimes needs to be clarified here), only to find out where you think your predelictions lie.

BDsM runs the spectrum from fuzzy handcuffs to blood being drawn and from giggly, in the moment control to real 24/7, no bullshit "You will ask me if you can go pee" control. It all works, as long as you know what you want.

Yes, there are times when subbies are humilated. Chances are that they enjoy it. We all have our kink. LOL! subbies may be told to do things that it appears to most people that they are being forced to do against their will. If the Dom/me is the real deal, they know their subbie's mind and know how far to push them and still maintain the trust and not break them.

Humiliation does *not* have to be a part of BDsM. Some people like it. Some don't. What makes a Dom/subbie relationship work well long term is that what they both enjoy, crave, need and fantasize about is similar and grows in the same direction.

Jackson MS
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LMAO!!!!!!!! wow amazing

Pittsgrove NJ
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hello starz, definately i can understand how you feel that subs can be degraded. I have had people say this to me as well. It is hard to explain really. The dom/domme sees their sub as a precious gem, as the most precious jewel. They seem to be "mean" I suppose...but to a sub, being taken and dominated by someone who sees them for their true self...there is nothing like it. It is refreshing, almost like a cleansing. It is hard for me to explain, the feeling you get from it.


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TOPIC: Curiosity about the BDSM lifestyle